Monday, August 30

Endurance, not just a thought

‎"The saying is trustworthy, for: If we have died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself." 2 Timothy 2:11–13 (ESV)

I wonder if I’ll ever be completely surprised anymore at the human tendency to destroy or distort God’s missionary statement to the disciples and the requirements of a life lived for Him, because of Him and in obedience to Him. I wonder if I’ll be less impressed with the grand cathedrals of worship, the multi-campus churches and the millions made in book endorsements so that jet planes can whisk the speakers away to grand events in the industrialized world…..with a token tossing to the third world problems.

I wonder if I’ll ever be heartened by the church stepping into the lives of those in its congregation, without hesitation or reservation, without concern for the funds to pay for the ‘rental’ hall where worship is ‘temporarily’ held so that movement into the lives of those still in the darkness, freshly in the light or struggling in the discipleship of Truth can see the real weight of Love, Grace and Mercy before the black line of the ledger page.

I wonder if I’ll see those who are called to shepherd, called to teach or called to replicate Christ in the congregations, the communities and the families that surround each and every church will be taken under the wing of those who are ‘trained’ and leading to be discipled and replicated in the community they are called to serve rather than told to step into a formal educational cost of Seminary.
I wonder if I’ll ever stop being frustrated.

I know that I’ll live this life disappointed; for dealing in a relationship with those who are as human and as broken as I am is a messy affair and ripe for the disappointment of love surrendered, friendships suspended and relational community broken due to the human agenda of self-protection. I know I’ll live this life sorrowed; for being willing to step out into the screwed up lives that are mirrored in my own means that the seasons of relating will end and life will resume, albeit slowly, but will resume. I know that I’ll live this life struggling; for in the real attempt to live as Christ has shown us all to live, I am fighting an enemy that is tailoring his attacks for me personally.

I will fall, I will fail and I will drag myself up again.

I wonder if I’ll ever stop being frustrated.

I am tired of dealing with messy humanity, even as I stare in the mirror and include myself in its immensity. I am wearied of hearing you must do this, you must have that and then we’ll honor you with this title rather than hearing, let’s sit down and see where God has anointed you with the Spirit and then tailor make a disciplining season for you to get you where God would have you serve Him in the Kingdom.

I am sick of hearing; we’d love to help, but we’ve got to go to family on this day…..I can’t because of this….I will pray…..rather than suspending our lives for the benefit of another and letting no barrier, no boundary that is self-imposed prevent us from doing so. Family coming over, show them how you live your faith. Can’t do it because of this, then do it because of that. If you love to help, then helping becomes the destination, not the motivation.

If we have died for Him, He promises us life.

To know that life, we endure, we struggle, we fight, and we are faithful in the obedience to which He calls us.

We endure to reign in the world He will renew.

We proclaim Him to have Him stand before God and proclaim us as His.

We love as He loved.

We live as He lived.

And We die, again and again, as He died.

Enduring all things as He endured all things for us, for the prize, for the goal and for the Father.

Not just giving lip service to the ideal,

but providing the muscle for its impact.

Shadow

"One felt as if there was an enormous well behind them, filled up with ages of memory and long, slow, steady thinking; but their surface was sparkling with the present: like sun shimmering on the outer leaves of a vast tree, or on the ripples of a very deep lake." – The Two Towers, III, 4 (Lord of the Rings series) J.R. Tolkien

I am envious of those who can walk through this world and seem to glide; effortlessly reaching those common milestones that speak of a 'good' life, either born from one's own fruitful imagination or honestly gained through the blessings and grace of God. One is fragile, easily broken on the mantle of this humanity and the other, eternally supplied and connected unbreakable by the might of this world. I am envious of those who 'just get it' and have found the realization of the fruitlessness of their own means surrendering it all to the vastness and mighty hand of God to provide, provision and direct their steps into the causes and purposes of the Kingdom building that He would have them do.

"I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears….." (Evanescence-My Immortal)

There is a place that no longer holds comfort for me, that no longer effuses in my being a sense of reconnection and refreshment. It once was a pleasant place, where I would wander gardens of effortless beauty and grace. It was a place where things would be clear, where the confusion of this world would fall like drops of rain into the landscape to feed the spongy grass carpet. The familiar feeling of 'arriving' has been replaced by a desperate need to 'depart.'

The surety of my footing is replaced by the fearful tremble of a foot possibly misplaced, the effortless joy that bounded in the chest like a beating heart has been stilled….even shocking it only causes a few meager beats before it stills once more. This is not me…..this is not whom I had been progressing towards in the realization of who God made me to be; yet this place is as familiar as an old worn cloak draped on the shoulders in the rainy days of my past. And that is where the fear comes from…..that it is not a matter of a departure of the comfort, grace and joy that has been a part of my life this six years and so……rather the sudden realization that I have been alone all this time.

It is not a matter of no longer believing in God; there is too much evidence, too much Truth that defies the centuries of effort to erase it and discredit it from the annuals of humanity. It is not a matter of no longer desiring the labeling of 'one of those' that often accompanies those of the faith who move in circles that defy the logic of the brokenness of this life and the evil that haunts our waking dreams. It is simply a matter of being tired; of being wearied deep inside my soul.

Maybe its also the realization that the purpose that I 'thought' God had called me to so many years ago was nothing more than a moment of fantasy…..for myself and not God. Something that I must have concocted in the recesses of my darkness to prove the fallibility of mankind involved in the efforts of God….the destructive and demovtivational methods that man co-opts God's plans and destroys the beauty of believing, the excitement of discipleship and the obedient pleasure of being a follower. Once again I am dismayed by the foolishness of man's church and the purposeless fellowship of gathering in a room of others on a given day of the week to sing songs you don't even think of during the week…..to a God you don't think of the rest of the week…..for reasons that are self-serving as any agenda we have during that week.

It is not the fellowships that I belong to that have developed this feeling; well beyond that, those fellowships have created within me the confusion, the tiring debilitating toss of a mind in the throes of a battle too familiar and too wounding to be resolved. It is not the loss of a part of me that was as necessary as my right hand, as familiar as my steps once were and as desired as the breath I breathe in and out with life-sustaining effortlessness. It is not the continued lack of a job, the disconnection from family…..there is no identifiable source of this problem, yet a problem it would seem to be because I am plopped down in the middle of the path and the motivation of my limbs to regain their vertical position has eked upon the ground to be quickly soaked up by the parched soil.

I am tired…..

I walk into the shadows of what once was and what once could've been; sorrowed by the diseased blight that haunts its once graceful beauty. I walk in the shadow of the light, where once peace and love resided with effortless power to bless and glide those upon the path with grace and joy but now lies abandoned by those who once partook of its thirst-quenching liquid. I have journeyed so long in this life…it would seem….that surely I should be near the end of it now….and yet, the horizon lays forever in the distance….an endless travel on this endless journey.

"… we shouldn't be here at all, if we'd known more about it before we started. But I suppose it's often that way. The brave things in the old tales and songs, Mr. Frodo: adventures, as I used to call them. I used to think that they were things the wonderful folk of the stories went out and looked for, because they wanted them, because they were exciting and life was a bit dull, a kind of a sport, as you might say. But that's not the way of it with the tales that really mattered, or the ones that stay in the mind. Folk seem to have been just landed in them, usually—their paths were laid that way, as you put it. But I expect they had lots of chances, like us, of turning back, and they didn't. And if they had, we shouldn't know, because they'd have been forgotten. We hear about those as just went on—and not all to a good end. You know, coming home, and finding things all right, though not quite the same—like old Mr. Bilbo. But those aren't always the best tales to hear, though they may be the best tales to get landed in! I wonder what sort of a tale we've fallen into? … Beren now, he never thought he was going to get that Silmaril from the Iron Crown in Thangorodrim, and yet he did, and that was a worse place and a blacker danger than ours. But that's a long tale, of course, and goes on past the happiness and into grief and beyond it—and the Silmaril went on and came to EƤrendil. And why, sir, I never thought of that before! We've got—you've got some of the light of it in that star-glass that the Lady gave you! Why, to think of it, we're in the same tale still! It's going on. Don't the great tales never end? – Sam Wise, The Two Towers, IV, 8

Where once I thought of the epic tales that would be told, the graceful triumph of God's hand in this place, and the joyful overcoming that would inhabit even here….where once all those feelings wrapped themselves around me like a cozy blanket in the chilly air of the night; I lay shivering in the cold again, the warmth of those foolish dreams robbed of their vitality by the very reality of the situation. Whereas God once used broken people, battered and maimed, to do His will and build His kingdom, He no longer has that need and very possibly the very desire to do so now. The faith has matured beyond its Creator it would seem…..but not all of the faithful have.

Maybe the 'great tale' of God has moved beyond my understanding; yet I still believe. Maybe His decision to use me as a instrument of His kingdom was nothing more than gas bubbling in my stomach begging release; yet I still am consumed by its flame. Maybe He has moved from the broken to the fixable, the weak to those who desire to be strong; yet I trust in His purpose, even here. The maddening contradictions, it would seem, have driven me mad, where the landscape of this place where once I lay hidden to be refreshed and replenished by His love and mercy is dissolved into its real form…..grass too harsh to be comfortable, skies too cloudy to be bright and flowers too mundane to be beautiful anymore.

I do not know….

But even here, I will lift my voice….as broken and hoarse as it may be…..in worship to Him.

Even here, I will crawl along the ground towards the horizon, to honor and obey Him.

Even here…..I proclaim His goodness and love.

Even in the shadow of what once was so familiar and beautiful….

Thursday, August 26

Thinking on things

“Keep thinking about things above, not things on the earth, for you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ (who is your life) appears, then you too will be revealed in glory with him. So put to death whatever in your nature belongs to the earth: sexual immorality, impurity, shameful passion, evil desire, and greed which is idolatry. Because of these things the wrath of God is coming on the sons of disobedience. You also lived your lives in this way at one time, when you used to live among them. But now, put off all such things as anger, rage, malice, slander, abusive language from your mouth. Do not lie to one another since you have put off the old man with its practices and have been clothed with the new man that is being renewed in knowledge according to the image of the one who created it. Here there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all and in all. Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with a heart of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if someone happens to have a complaint against anyone else. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also forgive others. And to all these virtues add love, which is the perfect bond. Let the peace of Christ be in control in your heart (for you were in fact called as one body to this peace), and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and exhorting one another with all wisdom, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, all with grace in your hearts to God. And whatever you do in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Colossians 3:2-17 NET

It has been an amazing week so far, since I opened my email account on Sunday and discovered the email that I had posted on a previous blog entry labeled “Judgment.” I’ve since taken it away because it offended the person who had sent it, who intended it to be a private, personal email. I am respecting his wishes, although the argument that caused me to post it on the blog for everyone to read was his comment that he wondered what my family, friends, and congregation would say if they knew I had a son, Malcolm, that is sixteen years old and whom I had not seen since he was twelve weeks old.

Most of you knew of Malcolm and encouraged me, some did not.

But the response is one that has been the staple and common of all my Christian friends for whom faith is not a matter of utterance but a way of life. When the opportunity comes to have a reunion with my son after the building of a relationship with him, it is people such as my family, friends and congregation that I would love to stand before and present Malcolm to. As for the circumstances or situations that existed back when Malcolm was born, does it matter? Surely there are some deviations on both sides of the situation and there are sorrowful things on each side to share and lay claim to. Those who are deep in relationship with me know of those things to which I claim.

As for the others involved, that is for them to tell or keep silent on. I am not going to bear malice, anger, rage, slander or abuse towards anyone, even if (as it so happened) such was given to me.

I cannot make a judgment upon a person I do not know, I cannot perceive the qualities or the desires of another. That is for God to discern and lay judgment to, not me.

For I once was lost, but now am found. Was blind but now I see.

I was once a person whom anger, rage, slander, malice and self-interest served as god. Where I was quickly and decisively prone to take the easy way that was offered out; whether in this circumstance or in life itself.

Some of you know of the testimony I have shared in this blog, some in person.

There are those who would claim to know me simply by reading this blog…….and would make claims of shallowness and hypocrisy. Unless you have walked in my shoes and bore the situations in which I’ve walked, there can be no deep understanding only shallow assumptions.

Though I am a new creature in the eyes of God, forgiven and redeemed, it is not a transformation that frees me to erase or deny the mistakes and choices of my past but rather a transformation where the past is brought into the redeeming light and love of God.

I can understand the anger and hatred, the animosity and villainous feelings that such a situation brings to bear upon all those involved; those who feel slighted, those who feel abandoned and those who feel maligned. Does that free me up to respond in kind?

I would say that it doesn’t, even if I fail to respond perfectly in the light of Christ. Rather, I should respond and walk in mercy, kindness, humility and gentleness with patience towards everyone and begging for forgiveness before I can even tender the forgiveness myself.

Most of you who know me, really and truly know me, beyond the limitations that exists in the ‘electronic’ community of Facebook and my blog, who have engaged me in the level of relationship that shows all the cracks and ugliness, the depravity of old nature and the promise of new……those few, these bands of brotherhood, can understand the sincerity of my writings and the truthfulness of my intentions.

You have seen me at the worst and held me accountable for what God has made new, you have struggled with me in the trenches of this world and bled with me as I have dealt with the wounds of my own past and face the consequences of my decisions and actions.

The mountains have been high and the valleys deep.

For those of you who don’t, I welcome you to this part of the journey and look forward to hearing your voices as we gather around the campfire at night and discuss those things that burn upon your heart. Though I may not have a pat answer or one that satisfies your demands, I will always answer, for as you will come to know and those who gather here for a time already know, I don’t hide anything, even my broken humanity.

That is probably why I don’t serve on some lofty staff position in a church or promote the Gospel in a mega-site ministry.

It is probably why, as I step into the work that God has enticed me to do, I do so with fear and trepidation…..simply because there is so much to do and I am a simple sinner redeemed, unworthy of such work. It is not my glory that I pursue or impact, but God’s. That is a dangerous thing to impinge upon, for God is a jealous and wrathful God.

I am a simple man, enticed by God to join Him in the work He has begun; in me, through me and around me…….discipled by the Holy Spirit……and saved by the blood of Jesus Christ.

I am the father of Malcolm, Casey and Sara by His grace.

I am thankful to see my prayers answered that Malcolm has been blessed by step-dads that desire to see him become a good and honest man, brought up by a mother that has nurtured and kept them whole and healthy.

I take no part in that honor that should be imparted to them, for they did an amazing thing from what I have learned through the discussions via text with my oldest son.

I cannot claim that title of ‘dad’ yet, for I have not earned such a designation. I am the father of Malcolm and hope to be Dad to him someday. Only time and the building of this relationship will tell if that prayer will bear fruit or not.

But the journey has begun……

That is the man I have become and the father I hope to be.

Sunday, August 22

To a point……

"Many shall be purified, and made white, and tried" Daniel 12:10

My hands don't open anymore at the end of outstretched arms as the overwhelming power and joy of worshipping the Lord with fellow believers crashes in waves of cascading water over my being as the music plays; whether old or new, traditional or contemporary worship. It doesn't matter. The burden of this place seems too much for such extravagances.

I tossed the application that I was working on for Moody Theological Seminary-Michigan simply because the journey of six years that I have spent advancing towards that goal seems self-serving anymore and it would seem, as I watch the world of Christianity develop around me that either the rejection of the body in the pursuit of this 'perceived purpose' is correct or the anointing or 'hand of God' in the Spirit upon me has been lost or removed, too tarnished by my struggles and trials to be seen as it once was.

I grow so tired.

It is said that such defeat is a sure sign that I do not have to fear falling into the pharisaical danger of self-righteousness, where there is no conviction of sin and the piercing arrows of God's angel-flung and barbed discipline bounce off the self-protective armor that encases the soul. Others would say that it's a sure sign that God's redemption and salvation aren't realized in this life I live and therefore it is my sinfulness that creates a barrier in finding the peace, restoration and joy that comes from being 'one of the family.'

Satan is given the authority, no matter how he may have usurped its ownership, upon this world and the people who live upon it because we have separated ourselves in the sinfulness of humanity from the possibility of relationally being present within the holiness and righteousness of God. That is why the barrier, the curtain, existed between the world seen and the Holy of Holies. That is why sacrifices and atonements in the Old Testament where so meticulously written out, step by step, so that mankind's reckless decline could be restrained and reset. Satan continues to fight against this, even in this place, leading mankind into sin to abandon us there where we no longer feel the presence of God and are broken upon the mountain of our own despair and desolation. This is where Satan tries to defeat the purposes of God in the anointing of His calling (whether a testimony at work or a lead pastor in a church) by the silence of our own foolish self-righteousness. And when we blunder past temptation's warnings and into the dark despair of sin, we complete Satan's efforts by the self-destruction of our meager faith.

No matter how many times we have done so in the past, we reach that point where we fear to seek the pardon for our sinful waywardness because we see ourselves approaching the white throne of judgment and hearing that sigh; that mournful, sorrow-filled sigh of a Savior who can only say…."I offered Myself as an atonement for your sins, a fragrance pleasing and acceptable before the Father….but you've tipped that cup one too many times."

We condition those in the body to such conceptions; unwillingly and unknowingly certainly in many congregations and fellowships that span the whole of the family of God. Unfortunately, too, is the bitter realization in the fact that there are those who willingly enforce that doctrine to the point of theological acceptance and crucify those that are pierced by sin's commission.

We don't want to be involved in someone's life to the point of full and unhindered admittance; there are some things we would not want to be burdened with or have knowledge of because then we would be faced with the burden of trying to unconditionally loving and holding to account, picking up and carrying our brethren when a fall comes or a temptation is surpassed by the darkness of sin. We don't want to be that burdened where a faithful and spiritually mature member of the family either falls or questions their faith, crushed and despaired by the evilness of the attacks that come from the evil one as a matter of fact and regularity like the weather. We want simple right and wrong in the relationships of our lives, whether personal or congregational, and despair of the messiness that lies in full involvement. We want to deal with others…….to a point.

Why, we see others who struggle in the daily simplicity of life; financially, spiritually or morally as beggars before the righteousness of the throne; their pitiful moanings of self-abasement as unwelcomed and undesired as mud on our favorite leather shoes or cow manure on our tennis shoes that cost us a week's pay. We listen to the testimonies of these beggars and are dismayed, listening as we do for the 'touch' of God within them, and miss the utter agony of their condition; broken and utterly lost in the realization of their despair. After all, we of the Church teach that in the beginning of the Christian life is where we come to an utter realization of our need for a Savior and everything else afterwards is a 'uphill' journey towards the righteousness of Christ cloaked upon our sinful old nature like new clothes. It is up to us, after this 'covering' whether or not we get them dirty.

We simplify the verse that says once we call upon Christ's salvation, the old nature is gone and the new is alive.

And introduce into the 'acceptable' image that 'shows' salvation outward appearances of superior faith, whole belief and complete subservience of self to the Cause. We then sit back in Church, that we've driven to in our nice leased vehicle having hurried through the neighborhoods where cars still sit parked in the driveways and children stop running after the basketball that has bounced out in the street to let you pass. We meet with those who we know and enjoy, occasionally wandering out of our 'comfort' zones to engage someone else….definitely smiling to those who are new to our fellowship. We engage in the social gathering before and after the service…….to a point.

After all, there are things to do; family, friends, and even outreach programs.

I have carried myself in this endeavor to find and fellowship with Christ as far as I can. I give up, I am tired and I have nothing more to convince or convict myself with. I have used all the knives and condemned all the flesh.

And find nothing has changed.

I have come to a point…..and the uttermost of the unseen, unknowable and unrealized brings me to my knees because I can no longer stand with the trembling that consumes them.

The tears of my pain, the moaning of my sorrows, the depths of my despair that once poured from my soul have come upon the silence of their continuance where no longer can my ears hear them because they have faded into the background noise and are as common as my rising and falling asleep for the nourishment of my physical body.

I have come to a point where I am beyond tired. Exhaustion haunts my being.

I can only beg God to take my heart, a heart that I thought I had freely given to Him, as brutally as necessary to make it His own as I have uttered so much in the past that it was. I can only weep with the despair of my own weak, unchristlike self that cannot be kept pure for His sake, no matter how much I try. The lips have expressed the poverty of my sinfulness while my soul puffs up with its own conceit of superior humility and exalted righteousness. In the efforts of my own good works, done for the glory and purpose of the kingdom in as much as I can do so, I have found nothing sustaining in their efforts or rewarding in their commission. Because most of them were done with expectations of family ownership and not in a brokenness that relied on a power born outside the fullness of self.

All I am, all I thought I could be have come to a point…………

Humiliated, heart-broke and condemned, I hear Nathan's declaration to David….."You ARE THAT MAN."

I have reached a point…….

Where the quick, temporary and uttered brokenness of my old nature that has trumped the new is no longer an effective balm of soothing peace and comfort. Where the uttering of my 'purpose' is conceived to be for the development and discipling from others to be achieved. Where the works I do in the context of my faith lie barren upon the soil that was developed for the substance of others.

I have come to a point where I behold Christ and see nothing beyond my own weakness, poverty and defect that is as real as my physical body. Lost and hopeless, clad in the filth and grime of my own sinfulness and old nature that brings the utter devastation to my soul….I cannot be saved, love or cherished because I am too far gone into sin.

I have come to a point where, in the harsh light of Christ's purity I can see the glaring blackness of my own depravity.

I mourn its appearance, though it has never truly left. In the advancement of my faith, I have come to the point where the utterance of my need for a Savior and the glaring un-entitlement of the sacrifice He gave is too often the focus of my glaze as I slide down the mountainside where I once climbed with foolish abandon. The point where I would rather sacrifice my life than to live or continue in the brokenness of my sin and where I cry upon the altar of the congregation my sinfulness and lack of confidence that I will be able to overcome the self-righteousness of my flesh. Where I claim no righteousness within God's grace and no ability to manipulate His mercy.

I have come to a point where I fear to trust my own strength, fear to withdraw my hand for an instant from Christ's bloody palm and walk even for a moment without His judgment, His authority and His discipline even as I know the truthful honesty of my own pitiful assessment in the holiness of God's glaze that leaves me utterly unable to be worthy of Him.

This life cannot be sustained by myself.

There is a point that Christ reached, in His humanity, that He could no longer carry Himself upon the knowledge that He was doing God's will and that He was well and pleasing in His Father's eyes. He reached a point where no miracle, no sudden blast of holiness and no shout of authority could carry Him anymore. He reached a point where the desire to be what He was called to be could not get Him to the purpose.

In the garden, He broke in sorrow. He reached a point where it was His Father who carried Him.

And as Christ reached the point where the fulfillment of His goal and purpose in becoming fully human while being fully God, and the pain of being rejected, crucified and condemned by those He had come to save infused His mortal flesh and God turned His face from the One He loved for the sake of all those who had wandered away from its embrace and those yet to be born who would do the same…..at that point, all the humanity of His suffering became complete.

And the world stopped……at that point.

The corruption of mankind's sin upon the innocent body of the Lamb was committed.

And Christ overcame its stain through the power of His holy blood.

At that point…….

In that point where I have realized that "in me dwelleth no good thing" (Romans 7:18) I cannot carry the ideal of my purpose, the purity of my calling and the hope of my designed place in the body of Christ.

I cannot hide my depravity, religiousize my brokenness or claim the fullness of restoration.

I can only hide in the rock of this place, in the 'cleft of the rock' as Moses did as the glory of God passes by.

And the love of a Savior reaches a point where I cannot believe but He can prove its existence and make its sustaining redemption felt.

And the exaltation of my soul becomes louder than the sorrow of my heart…..

And in the brokenness and depravity of my old self, the new brings a wellspring of joy because the living of Christ's authority and grace at the absence of my own ability to grasp it, my own skill to realize it, and my own certainty that it is not deserved becomes joined with the despairs of my soul into a song of sorrow and sin that is immersed in the blood of Christ to be a living, breathing and fragrant offering to God.

And I reach that point……

Where it is no longer I who live.


 


 

Thursday, August 19

Crazy believing, crazy living

“But we have shared this treasure in clay jars, so that the extraordinary power belongs to God and does not come from us. We are experiencing trouble on every side, but are not crushed; we are perplexed, but not driven to despair; we are persecuted, but not abandoned; we are knocked down, but not destroyed, always carrying around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be made visible in our mortal body. For we who are alive are constantly being handed over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus may be made visible in our mortal body.” 2 Corinthians 4:7-11 NET

One thing I have discovered in the forty-two, almost forty-three, years of life on this planet, this broken and sinful I-trump-you world is that everyone wants something from you and there comes a point in time where you cannot be what you are and have everyone happy with it.

You aren’t supposed to be continuously broken upon the wounds of your past, where a father hated you so much that he spurned you and isolated you because of the ‘broken’ illness that you had, a sure sign that the gene pool of his loins were damaged at least in part. You aren’t supposed to be traumatized by the departure of your birth mother, leaving you at a store waiting for your father to come pick you up so she can move to Florida because of her new husband’s health issues and you see her ten years later for two or three hours.

You are supposed to, in this new life of Christ, be reborn into a new creature that is free from the diseases and haunting memories of a life you’d rather forget and people that you can only dream of never crossing again. For in this community of life, even in the Christian community of love, joy and peace; such continued brokenness is not allow, is not comfortable and is not talked about. And, daring to be crazy because of those wounds, because of the harshness of life, and to work with the broken nature that has become you….well, that’s crazy and nothing that we ever would allow our leaders be.

In the darkness of our fears, the enemy waits….learning and developing custom strategies to attack us at our weakest, where our greatest fears and our greatest wounds that still bleed within us lie. He knows after a while, as we cradle those fears and nurse those wounds, that we will do everything that we can to protect and shelter them from attack, from pain and definitely from the light of the day where they would be exposed to those who would and could judge us and find us lacking in something, anything, that they can use to make themselves feel better by knowing….by comparing themselves to your brokenness and sinful self-protection.

I will never love well enough because of the wounds that love has left upon my heart; I will never be the complete and heroic father because of the terror caused by my own in the absence of love that showed itself finally a week before he died; I will never be a leader who leads without mistakes, walks without falling because I am not perfect yet.

I will never be healed, because in that healing there is a tendency not to rely on God's power, but forget it in favor of my own.

But something happened to me that day in February, something that has been forever evolving and shaping this man that is sorrowed, is heartbroken and is damaged beyond the capability of man to fix. Something happened that brought me to the place where even in my brokenness there is joy, even in the troubling seas of stormed tossed waves I can experience calm and even in the heartbeat of love’s departure there is a understanding of love’s complete and utter happiness.

What use am I to the body? to those lost and in despair? More than you think, more than you can imagine unless you have walked where I have and overcomed, in a fashion, what I have through the authority and power of God.

Even in this clay jar of humanity which the Spirit is contained, there is a power and understanding that defies its structure. This set of verses, describing the life that I have led and yet, I am still here. Maybe not living life perfectly, overcoming things like clockwork in the ideal world that some Christians want to paint the salvation transformation. But I walk because of the power of Christ that animates my bones in my legs, that beats my heart in time with the flow needed to think, to reason and to care. I live because within me is a hope that doesn’t die, that cannot be altered by the words of others or the mistakes I myself may make. It is independent of me, unable to be purchased by me and totally outside of my ability to effective harness.

But it is mine and leads me to be crazy…..

Because of the death of Christ, that I live in my life, dying each day to sin and being reborn in the light of the Savior, I live crazy and in defiance of the ‘rules’ of this life. There may be a day when I come to the end of it, where to live crazy means I die in the shadows of this world. But until then, there is enough crazy life to live and I will live it.

Crazy, I know.......to know that each day is a struggle, that each day may have failures and that the right things you do may never be realized.

But you tend to be crazy once you keep trying despite evidence that you'll have to do it again tommorrow.

Being the best father I can be, forgiving the wounds of my father who himself was wounded. Being the best parent I can be, despite the mother who’s fear made her leave. Being the best man I can be, loving those whom I can love imperfectly perfect and desperately for the time will come when they have to leave and move on. Being the best leader I can be, in the leaderless positions that God puts me in to shine His light and His grace and His mercy.

Crazy, I know.

But, as my friend Kim Cash Tate, Women of Faith speaker and best selling author of Colored in Christ, said:

“Crazy believing is now the heartbeat of my life, but God is showing me what that requires. Crazy obedience, crazy humility, crazy clinging to God...oh, and some crazy praying to keep all that tight. Not easy, y'all. I'm not there...but I really don't want to live any other way.”

I don’t want to be healed because living broken in a broken world makes it easy to be a weak vessel in which God can pour His power and His love for other broken people.

He never said we had to walk across the finish line, just that we have to cross…….
I think I’ll limp with others who simply desire to make it to the finish line.

Tuesday, August 10

Fear

“And, now, Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you except to fear the Lord your God by walking in all His ways, to love Him, to worship the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul? Keep the Lord’s commands and statues I am giving you today, for your own good.” Deuteronomy 10:12-13 HASB

Fear is a state of reverence, a regarding of God with profound respect and reverence according to wordnetweb.princeton.edu . And that is the type of fear that we are called to fear God….as He tells us in this series of verses……walking with Him, loving Him, and to worship Him with all our heart and soul. Hardly the expression of fear that Charles Darwin speaks of in The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals:

“Fear is often preceded by astonishment, and is so far akin to it, that both lead to the senses of sight and hearing being instantly aroused. In both cases the eyes and mouth are widely opened, and the eyebrows raised. The frightened man at first stands like a statue motionless and breathless, or crouches down as if instinctively to escape observation. The heart beats quickly and violently, so that it palpitates or knocks against the ribs... That the skin is much affected under the sense of great fear, we see in the marvelous manner in which perspiration immediately exudes from it... The hairs also on the skin stand erect; and the superficial muscles shiver. In connection with the disturbed action of the heart, the breathing is hurried. The salivary glands act imperfectly; the mouth becomes dry, and is often opened and shut.”

Yet that is the type of fear that we often imagine when we come across the word in the biblical text. Fear of a God that doesn’t love us to the point of death, or desires us to the point of anguish and definitely not to join Him in the work that He is doing in, through and around us. No, we face God like Adam and Eve did in the garden after the fruit.

“I heard You in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid.” Genesis 3:10 HASB

God calls to us, knocking on the door of our imperfections and sinfulness, and we cower in fear, the state where we are frozen in fear….astonished that He would still be pounding at the door to our hearts asking for permission to come in. We tremble and shiver in abject terror at the All-powerful, All-knowing, and All-everything God who stands at our door, pierced hands gentle held in a fist that knocks and knocks with barely a whisper on our door. We don’t want to open, because we are afraid like Adam was in the garden, for we are in our sinfulness much like our forefather in our alienation from God.

Even when we cross the room of our hearts and open the door, throwing it against its hinges in such a manner that it never will be closed again, even then….we live in fear. The wrong kind of fear. The fear that seems like astonishment, an utter awe of what we see, what we know and what we can only imagine in our flawed humanity. And we sin again, for God hasn’t given us a spirit of fear…….we limit God because we limit ourselves.

God calls us to a purpose; as simple as being a loving wife/husband to our mate to as complex as being a missionary…..from feet called to move the body into the darkness of the world to eyes to discern the Truth from the lies and direction from chaos. This isn’t something that only a few are called to, something that requires the elite of the elite, the best of the best. It is a calling to each of us, a commission that is uttered for each and every one of us….to proclaim the Good News and to make disciples of all that has been taught to us. No fear of astonishment, no fear of failure, and no fear of mistakes……a reverent fear that draws us not into a competitive state of evangelism but a respectful relationship with our God and our charges to discover the wondrous grace, fulfilling joy and gentle love that our God still holds for us……fearfully worshipping, fearfully loving and fearfully walking in relationship with Him as He once did in the garden with Adam and Eve in the fresh evening air.

I have my fears that are preventing me from fearfully serving my God; in relationships, in the body and in my life…..fears that cause me to hid in the bushes as God calls my name, asking where I am……for there is work to be done, there is a battle to be fought and I am fearful that I am too inadequate, too much still a broken and sinful man, to stand next to my Savior and be worthy of the fight.

But He doesn’t use ‘worthy’, He uses those broken, bruised, battered and inadequate for in those things, it is His strength, grace and mercy that provides the means to overcome and achieve the prize……..

And if that God is for us, if it is His love that drives Him to be with us, then what kind of fear should we experience but the reverent, respectful and dedicated fear of our love for Him?

That is the question I ponder today……..what fear do I have for the Lord my God?

Monday, August 9

Love

"You can give without love; but you cannot love without giving" Unknown

Sometimes, as I ponder the vastness of this journey that still lies ahead, the bigger mountains yet to climb, the deeper valleys yet to traverse, it is a sorrowful thing and I lose focus, which causes my hope to struggle.

But then....love passes by and re-energizes me. Oh, it seems as much as I try to grasp on love and hold it tight to me, it squirms and twists until its free once more. But I find by holding out my hand and letting love gently rests for a moment of its own timing, even as my heart breaks anew with the sorrow of its leaving, I always am blown away by its beautiful flight.

Today, love stopped by to visit and smile my way before it once again took flight. She is always and will always be the one who got away.
“The holiness and the love of our God are more displayed in man's redemption, than in all his other works…….. in serving God we should spare no cost or pains. Praise God with strong faith; praise him with holy love and delight; praise him with entire confidence in Christ; praise him with believing triumph over the powers of darkness; praise him by universal respect to all his commands; praise him by cheerful submission to all his disposals; praise him by rejoicing in his love, and comforting ourselves in his goodness; praise him by promoting the interests of the kingdom of his grace; praise him by lively hope and expectation of the kingdom of his glory. Since we must shortly breathe our last, while we have breath let us praise the Lord; then we shall breathe our last with comfort.“ Matthew Henry

I wish that I could understand the situation and where the animosity and anger are driving themselves into the open from. Yes, I’m no saint but I am farther from the corrupted sinful and dangerous man that there seems to be an effort to paint me as. I have never been one to publicly criticize another or to bring their unsavory or ignoble characteristics to the fore and I don’t see a reason why to do so now, but the temptation is there regardless to defend myself and the reputation that I have. But I know I will not, I will simply fade into the fabric of this darken world.

The lesson is learned and hopefully in a way that I will not forget.

Someone told me that I have always used the military as an excuse to run away, to flee my responsibilities in what would seem a noble way. Abandoning the situation for one where I can at least fight back or be overrun, a place where I can at least shoot back at the ones who are shooting at me. And that may be partly true….not running away so much as being ensconced in a place where I know what to expect with a reasonably manageable degree of unpredictability.

But I think it is more than that……I want to return to the military because I know I was good at it and capable of doing the job at hand. I may not have made a ‘major’ name for myself but I would be known as a good solider. Accusations wouldn’t have a place in that life and regulations would cover any eventuality that I’d face.
It wouldn’t be like now; where I cannot understand the anger of an ex, the compassion of an ex-wife and the friendship that has been so stalwart and true in the eleven years I known my friend.

It wouldn’t be like here; where I am seriously doubting not only my calling to ministry but the faith that drove me to that place where I heard that call. Where I wonder if the image that others have of me is incorrect or correct, depending on whom you speak of and how such disparagements can happen inside the same person. Do I have multiple personalities?

Maybe the darkness inside my soul, like that inside every human being, is too dark for the light to penetrate, too deep for the rock ever to touch bottom, and too thick to ever be free.
If that’s the case, then my faith is in vain.
Even if that’s the case, God is good….God is faithful…..God is true.
And it will be the last utterance of these lips when the heart of painful life ceases to beat.

Sunday, August 8

God's megaphone

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world” C.S Lewis

I wonder why, in the overwhelming evidence, I continue to expect and hope for that expression of what I know must exist in this world. I wonder why, if I am such a demonic and evil person who instills fear and elicits unachievable goals in the world around me, I am not more prone in the darkness of the day to reject the failing and inadequate attempts of love, compassion and mercy that are ‘attachment’ free until they are touched and found to be tied to a ball-and-chain of impossible demands for satisfaction and perfection.

We demand perfection in others and yet fail to see it in ourselves. We say that joy, love, compassion and grace flow from a relationship with God but limit that relationship in the light of another’s touch. We expect more from ourselves and fail, especially when others demand the same level of perfection from us.

Someone asked me today if the relationship that was recently ended by the other person was a source of ‘sorrow’ or ‘oh well’ for me. I simply said that it was both….and that I would survive, as I have the other relationships that I had invested myself honestly into that had resulted in a source of bitterness and pain. As I wander into the new season of this life, realizing that I am far from where I was but definitely am not (nor in this world will I be) finished with the journey, I am shocked at the impressions that I am getting from the ‘other side.’

No reason given, yet there is anger. No justification pinpointed, but judgment pronounced. No authority reasoned, but behaviors decided. I am surprised, despite the ‘honest tears’ that just like I had found myself almost a month ago, I am wandering into a new minefield……not one I expected.

Oh, far be it from me to ever say that there isn’t work to be done, the funny thing is in all of this mess is that I never declared myself complete or finished up……perfected in the corrupted body of a sinful man. Such is an oxymoron and therefore foolish to even contemplate. But the harshness that has greeted my overtures and the ‘friendly’ nature of my contacts with them….I am shocked.

Oh, I’m not surprised that my comment made in error of the ease to which she was ‘dealing’ with the relational explosion was met with emphatic denial at such smooth movement into the future beyond this place. I was wrong and as in the other times I have been wrong, I will and have been the first one to admit such errors. But the other comments and overtures that have elicited similar ‘expressions?’

Wow.

And yet, in so many other places where the heart has been opened and flayed, there is a surprising rallying of support and utterances of complete reversal. Where understanding is given to the fallacy of humanity and forgiveness is passed as the main dish to a dinner well pass overdue. Amazing, again not from sources that I would’ve expected or elicited such commentary before. Oh, there is no doubt that in the passage of things there is plenty of blame to hand out to all the parties involved in the moments of my life. But, in the discussions that are suddenly happening in the glaring harshness of the sunlight, there is a discernible progression from the old nature to the new nature.

At least in other’s eyes.

But in the truth of the moment, I did ask a question that I had already discerned the response. But I didn’t anticipate the lopsided commentary attached to the ‘short’ answer. The perfection that they would elicit on the pulpit, they also would elicit at home….regardless of the impossibility of such goals, though the striving and desire to achieve such within the relationship we share with Christ is of the nature of a driving force for any Christian. As we are called to come alongside 'each other' from pastor to usher...to fellowship, holding each other to accountability, such expectation has to be in the home...

I was once called David…….and the funny thing is David had some epic failures in his life, failures that drove a nation to ruin and several people to their deaths. Failures that prevented him from building God’s resting place and caused the sword never to leave his household. Failures that lead his son, Solomon, into a different path with the same results…..willful detachment from the relationship with God that lead to all-too human destruction.

I would have to agree with her, there’s no reason I should be a pastor. And I have been saying that since October 2004.

I think I realize where I have gone wrong….I have made a human relationship my idol, the passion to serve in ministry my idol and a hope to find some semblance of grace in humanity the altar to which I sacrificed to them; all superior to my relationship with God. Oh, I will not try and claim innocence in the last relationship that failed…..there is plenty of unbiblical and sinful behavior that I, as the man, should have been more exacting in their exclusion from the relationship rather than their acceptance. That is my failure, instead of being a blessing; I was part of the curse.

I failed to be the man God intended.

No, there’s no way that I should be a pastor of a church…though pastors aren’t called to ‘preach the gospel’ but rather equip the sheep, who are called to ‘preach the gospel and make disciples of what they have been taught.’

We are surprised daily by the failure of such leaders in our communities, our churches, and our congregations.....isolating them to a standard that allows no grace, no mercy or no quarter when they show that they are human too, shaped by the experiences and traumas of their lives as each one of us are.

Today my ex told me that the pastor who was the leader of the church where I discovered Christ is getting a divorce, his wife already departed. I wonder if they will crucify this pastor on the altar?

There’s work to be done, admittedly, in my life….held to the accountability of friends and the mercy of Christ…in the relationship I have with my children, the relationship I have with those who are important in their lives, and the relationship I have with the One who gave them to me.

The one thing they said before they left that has left a crease on my forehead is;

“You are the image they have of God.”

But since when has God been a failure?

I responded un-honorably to the email I had received with the answer I had expected and I will and am apologizing for my less-than-Christian response....

I am making headway but still have far far longer to go before I can say I reflect the perfect image of God to my home, my family and my friends.

But I know that I ask forgiveness and it is given, tasked again to the purpose and perfection that is only achievable in Christ and I get up in the morning begging with my heart for the opportunity to serve.

At least my children are more forgiving, understanding, merciful and yet demanding....just like God is to me.

That is an image of God I think I do show.

And for now, that is enough.

Friday, August 6

Desires of the heart....

“My days have passed, my plans are shattered, and so are the desires of my heart.” Job 17:11 NIV

When someone has a feeling that doesn’t reflect the ‘hope and joy’ of their salvation, the body of Christ often writes it down as evidence of the lack of true conversion or even isolation from the Spirit because of assumed sins or impertinent arrogance. After all, God’s people have to be in a state of permanent ‘joy and peace’ to be truly God’s people. There aren’t Christians who commit suicide, who are angry, who live in spiritual pain and agony and who struggle through this world trying to hold on to those things promised by Christ for those who have accepted and claimed His salvation gift. It is too far beyond a Christian to be, as the world would say, ‘real.’ After all, real joy and real hope makes you constantly ‘happy’ for what worries would you have?

I have been asked a lot lately, as I transition from a season of Esther into the season of silence, how I have been doing? Most often times, like many Christians today, I speak the ‘language’ of salvation which I truly believe but that robs and hides some of the serious pain and sorrow that inhabits my heart still, some thirteen days after the ending. I don’t hold anything against the askers because they are truly seeking to come alongside both Esther and I and help us transition into the new season of our lives that are void of each other, except in the covering of friendship. They truly desire not to judge whom has the ‘most and least’ blame but to give us time to come to an understanding of the dynamics of the ending rather than the event itself. There is a song by Brittany Nicole…..’’Headphones”…… that expresses my feelings still. “He gets in the car, he falls apart. It came to an end and now its breaking his heart. He wants to give up, wants to try again….Honestly he doesn’t know what he’s feeling.”

The ping-pong of relationships.

I have been asked if I’m going to seminary still…..no, I’ve put that on hold indefinitely because I’m no longer assured that this isn’t something more than a desire of my own heart, far beyond the desires of God, that I do so. The application sits in limbo land on the internet, half completed, and no attempts at funding have been undertaken. I have been told by some that to go to Seminary as a single parent of two children, one special need, is a foolish and irresponsible thing to do. I have been told by others that God will provide if God wants it to happen. All I know is that I have seen that mountain and right now, I don’t want to even think of scaling its heights. There is no consensus to what God is doing in my life; if there ever has been. It is the one thing that I find irritatingly familiar in the body of Christ; lack of discernable consensus regarding discipleship of those in the body called to do those things to which God alone has called them. You have to come with a clean slate, good track record of a few years at least and no discernible ‘embarrassments’ before the body will even consider your candidacy to God-inspired and defined levels of impossibility. My continued failure to be ‘relational’ even at this level, or rather, at this level makes me question whether or not the impossible dream God placed upon my heart so many years ago was just that…..my desire to do impossible things under the grace of God’s glory so that I could bring meaning to my life and the struggles that have been consistently battled in the darkness of the world.

Sometimes being scarred for the sake of the Kingdom can be the worst thing in the world for you……because scar tissue grows hard and unyielding the more it is borne. It is why the Bible is so incessant about coming along side someone and sharing the burden of their pain, why it cautions us from straying into sinful ways and why so many things are declared in the biblical text to be sinful and harmful to the human race; like homosexuality, anger, bestiality and murder. Sin by itself is nothing……we could sin all day if there was nothing that came from its commission or omission in our lives. But sin, whether it is the engagement of homosexuality to the sorrowing of the Holy Spirit through our actions, becomes something that is painful, sorrowful and altering of life and future because of its effects and consequences. We don’t have the luxury to skip the results of sins committed most of the time, because it is the commission of the sin that pushes God into the background as a bit player on stage and brings our flagrant willfulness into the limelight. We prevent God from moving when we go into places where God cannot, because of His characteristics of holiness and goodness, go.

We come to the place where Job’s words echo the cry of my heart.

I feel the pull of God’s desire for me to join Him in the places where He is working…..in me, through me and with me…..for the purposes of the Kingdom that is just beyond the horizon, waiting for that moment where Christ gallops across the sky on the white steed and redeems a world broken upon the altar of mankind’s willful disobedience and declaration of self-direction. I know that there is much work to be done, much effective work that I can do ‘in my sleep’ that God has allowed my life and testimony to show both the good and the bad that are sprinkled in the forgiveness of His mercy and washed clean by the grace of Christ’s blood sacrifice that somewhere, somehow someone else who is in the darkness of the despair offered by this world will find a reason to believe, a reason to explore and a reason to trust in the powerful words spoken by Christ Himself as His ministry on this world came to a season ending…….”I am the Way, the Truth and the Light. None will come to the Father but through Me.” (paraphrased) If that is my testimony; to be always on the edge of failure and to jump off its cliffs only to climb the other side to do it again, then that is my testimony.

But there are those who would say that God would not allow such things, that such a testimony needs to have the impact and the ‘overcoming’ through the power of the Spirit to be effective, to speak without words and to ‘entice’ those in the darkness of ignorance to realize God’s awesome love, powerful mercy and unending grace.

Whatever.

I sin, not in the stupidity of my own desire but in the lack of following through with God’s desire for me and the weight of disbelief that haunts my nights and robs me of my sleep. I sin, not in the assurance of my place in the kingdom, but my refusal to claim its mantle upon my shoulders and press forward into that place. I sin, not because I have failed at yet another relationship, but because I step back each time I do from the one relationship that matters. Because assuredly as God has made some to be single, He has made others to be married.

The desires of my heart are buried.

Beneath the failure of my own past that seems to haunt my future, the lack of a sustainable relationship in the midst of the chaos of my life and the lack of belief, in myself and in others. They are buried because they repeatedly resurrect from the dead only to die again and the shovel is beginning to give me blisters from the constant digging.

Seems I die only to live again.

But, even in the anguish of this anger and disconnection, I find a purpose….a purpose that is utilized to reach different people with an approach that is as different and varied as the people God is reaching out to. Maybe in this desert and isolation, with only the howling of the wind to break the silence of this place, maybe even here God is working His purpose and desire by the very fact I am moving….slowly, painfully…..but moving. I still believe in Christ and the promises of God for His children. I still have faith even though my faith is something sometimes I would like to deny.

Even in this place where my plans and desires lie in the method of their demise and are as dead as I was in the sinfulness of my disconnection from God, even here God walks and talks to those whom He desires for His own…..everyone and anyone who was created.

All I have to do is to look at the Bible, the Word of God, and see that He doesn’t use those who have it all together as much as He does those who are broken constantly, who die each day and who still get on their knees crying out to the Father in Heaven that knows their names and feels their sorrows…..these foolish, broken and impossible people He uses for His good, His grace and His mercy.

God brings us to this place daily and if we only acknowledge that He does then the real work of living the Gospel can be truly begun. It is not only obedience that is required, but relationship…..coupled together were one is indistinguishable from the other. We have to move into the impossible things that God wants simply because we desire to be obedient to Him more than we fear the darkness of the future. What would that look like if we ‘ran’ our churches like that…..daily? Living not on the promised tithes of the faithful but daring God to provide His provisioning for the audacious and impossible ministries that we desire to be enticed to create? What if we loved without the condemnation of sin the person who is chronically sinful…time and time again bringing them back to the foot of the Cross in love and compassion rather than a desire to make sure that our desire to feel good is the primary purpose of being ‘loving to the loveless.’ We feed and shelter the homeless because they need food and shelter rather than because we want them converted……we reach out to orphans and widows (both men and women) and love them unconditionally, altering our lives and schedules to accommodate them rather than force them to accommodate us. What if we built our churches not for beauty and size but rather for functionality and cheaply so that our funds could be directed to more important adventures, more eternal rewards.

What if we stopped caring whether the person in our sight is saved or not and began to be more concerned about their lives and what’s happening in them……what if we dared to call God out on His word and entice Him to be faithful to the promises He’s given. What if we stopped making the Great Commission a statement of mission and made it simply the creed of our life; to declare the Good News and make disciples of all we have been taught. Not selling out like we have been because we want to love someone, or at least give the appearance of love……but loving like we don’t care if that person wants to believe it or not….loving without giving an inch on the Word of Truth and the things that are sinful in God’s eyes. What if we declared the Truth, lived in love and walked in faith?

What a wonderful world that would be……….

It wouldn’t matter in that world, because God’s calling me into ministry wouldn’t preclude a trip through Seminary or a perfection unattainable by human standards after the life I’ve lived….it would be seen as a step in obedience, to which we are all called to, that is both common to us all in the body and exceptionally personal to each one He speaks to. Because many of us fail to follow through with the call to obey, we isolate those things that are ‘titled’ and ‘denominational’ and fail to obey the Great Commission in its simplistic statement of obedience.

Realizing that there are as many different ways to bring the Gospel message into the darkness of lives that are as different as the people living in it would bring about a very different and very ‘traditional’ approach to ‘doing Church.’ We would follow Christ’s example of confronting religious people who are unfruitful in their isolationistic approaches with righteous anger while we met sinners like ourselves with loving firmness and truth borne in the compassionate arms that we enfold them with.

We continue to be surprised that sinners sin and self-righteous religious people continue to isolate themselves from the lost and quote Scriptural verses to promote their denominational beliefs instead of simply preaching the Gospel and living the life of a ‘follower of Jesus Christ.’

Instead of building huge church buildings, schools of ‘Christian’ teaching, recreation programs and even business communities for the members of God’s church, let us venture out into the places where we don’t traditionally go and where Christ would’ve and live the prayer that Christ said over His disciples in the Upper Room…..”I’m not asking You to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the Evil One. They are not part of this world anymore than I am. Make them pure and holy by teaching them Your words of Truth. As You sent Me into the world, so I am sending them into the world.”

Not to wallow in the world, but to walk in it as a beacon shining fearlessly into the darkness, holding to the Truth and declaring its realized grace in every motion of our being………

Living a life that is like Britt Nicole calls us out to…..

“Step out, even when it's storming/Step out, even when you're broken/Step out, even when your heart is telling you/Telling you to give up/Step out, when your hope is stolen/Step out, you can't see where you're going/You don't have to be afraid/So what are you waiting, what are you waiting for?”

Step out into the world today, your days over and your desires dead upon the ground…….live as if you had died, for in Christ we all have.

Die daily, live free