Saturday, January 31

I'm a racist, bad seed, shallow Christian.....judgments

“And at that time [Moses] gave orders to [Israel’s] judges, saying, ‘Let all questions between your brothers come before you for hearing, and give decisions uprightly between a man and his brother or one from another nation who is with him. In judging, do not let a man's position have any weight with you; give hearing equally to small and great; have no fear of any man, for it is God who is judge: and any cause in which you are not able to give a decision, you are to put before me and I will give it a hearing.’” (Deuteronomy 1:16-17 BBE)

I could probably write volumes about the judgments I have received from my ‘Christian’ brothers and sisters in the past six to eight months about the writing I have done and the decisions that I have made in the turmoil that has been my mainstay in the turbulent times of my journey towards home.

I have been made to feel unwelcome in houses of worship where once I was viewed as a ‘man of God’ and a devout Christian.

I have been called crazy for not standing against the rumors and gossip regarding my soon-to-be ex.

I have been questioned and questioned about my decisions to let my daughter move back home with her birth mother and moving out to the little (and I mean little) village of Holly, an hour more from everything my life is involved with.

I have been called a bad seed, a bad man, an evil father, and a host of other names that don’t usually come out of the mouths of Christians.

In my opposition and declarations against our new President, both before and after the election; I have been called a closet racist.

A BIC of mine, Christopher Jobe, on the Out of the Wild website wrote a topic about ‘judge not…’ He had heard a sermon on this subject and felt that too many Christians are wielding the “You’re too judgmental” sword freely “perhaps trying to escape accountability or perhaps trying to justify their actions to themselves.”

Matthew 7:1 is used as a thrusting weapon by both Christians and society alike against those who are challenging something we’ve said or done. As Jobe writes, “Matthew 7:1 is an easy verse to pull out when someone is challenging our walk or something we are doing. "Judge not..." But if we continue to read on in this verse, we see the words "...or you too will be judged." And if we read on even further in verse 6 we see Jesus talking about dogs and pigs and in verses 15-20 He talks about false prophets. Are not both of these instances making a judgment call on someone? Or at least a negative assessment? I Corinthians 5:1-11, 12-13 speak to Christians judging those inside the church that is our Christian brothers and sisters. We are like guardians of their walks with Christ. More passages that speak on judging are: I Corinthians 6:1-11, Romans 16:17-19, I Timothy 3:1-13 (judging or making a character call on potential deacons), Titus 1:5-16, 2 Timothy 4:1-8, and Matthew 23:1-39.”


He concludes, “The standards we apply to others are going to be applied to us, so judge very carefully. And always speak the truth in love.”

If I speak out to a brother in sinful repast, I speak out against myself too....especially if I am in the same condition.

I must be willing to face that old self in myself before I can speak to a brother in love, speaking the sin and not walking away but standing alongside that brother as the Spirit convicts and enables repentance and redemption.

To encourage, to edify in the things rightly done in the struggle and to rejoice in the victory. As the saying goes, “Hate the sin, love the sinner.”

Christianity has become timid of itself. If it opposes the culture, then it isn't capable of being spoken in love. This is foolishness. If I am in error and someone speaks the truth to me in an effort to bring me back from the sinful reprise, shouldn’t I be grateful? That they were willing to stand in that with me and point me the way?

Christ reproved His disciples, speaking the wayward behavior and standing with them as they began to repent...He showed them the reason they were in error, and then showed them the path to righteousness.

Shouldn't we do the same?

If we speak against the issues that our President calls "Dull and worn" because it is sin, if we show in that declaration that we do so in a reasoning of repentance and salvation because we, like God, desire that none should perish....then how can we not speak?
Tolerance is the new catchphrase…..we should give our President a chance, as he authorizes our tax money to reverse the downward trend of worldwide abortions, as he silences free speech, and as he promotes that which is an abomination to God’s design for marriage?

I pray for my ex, for my friends who have spoken against me, and for our leadership in the Congress, the Senate, and Judicial branch; and our Executive in the White House, President Barack Obama.

That they will see God’s ways and bring us into a new era of repentance and brotherhood…..in Christ.

As for me, call me 'judging' when I speak what God declares in His word to be the truth, for I want to be held to that standard and if I am indeed sinful...I want a brother or sister willing enough to speak that in love, judging me worthy of their concern for my walk…

Wouldn’t you?

Tuesday, January 27

A story within a story....the acceptance of fear....

"My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge." Colossians 2:2–3

The death that I seek, that of this 'nice guy' that I have been talking about lately who has haunted me throughout the years and hindered my growth as a child of God and a man seeking after His own heart, requires the one thing I fear, the one thing that I feel would not only be the death of the 'nice guy' in me but everything else that is me also. It has been the one word, discussing with my Savior this journey, that is the sum of it all:

Fear.

I still live with that basic fear that has formed itself in the childhood of my life; that moment in time when, disgusted with my failure (again), my father spoke the words that would shape and define my life's mission. "You won't amount to anything." Now, you may say that such a thing was too vicious and damaging to say to a child and you yourself would never do so.

Better to set up events, decisions and what not to affirm and create the successful boy that you want your son to be. My father wasn't intentionally trying to 'damage' me, but operating from the wounding of his own life....he figured that a 'little shake-up' would fire the passion that would enable me to overcome and succeed. The crushing of that heart was the result though, and I began to live a 'short-term' style of life; in relationships, in business, and in what religiousity I had.

Short-term gain, forget about the long-term risk.

I wouldn't be around long enough to pay for the crimes. You can't punish a dead man, and you definately can't get 'blood' from him.... Behold, the birth of the 'nice guy'. Now, I've realized, through the years the nice guy has refined and adapted himself to the realization that such a lofty dream, short-term living, wasn't being adopted by the world around him and (unbeknownst to him) God wasn't buying. Time and time again through this journey, I can pinpoint moments where I was living the short-term in hope of 'heavy penalties' and each time it was like an unseen benefactor would foot the bill and leave me there wondering where that Mack Truck that was supposedly coming on a direct collision course disappeared to. Disappointed, I'd move on to the next 'great failure'.

Driving into work today, with the 'light' dusting of snow leaving sheets of ice upon the roadway, I was struck at how...even with the empowerment of men that have no gain from edification or enclusion of this broken sham of a male member of this species, I live in a state of short-term....

And remain disappointed that the penalties aren't being assessed.

For that makes me responsible for the mess that my life is, has been, and makes it awfully hard to continue to place the blame for who I am living as now upon the moment in time of the wounding of my father. I have been given grace, through the powerful and effective power of a Risen King and Merciful Lord, and I believe in all my heart that I have faced the specter of forgiving my earthly father, gone so many years now only to find that I'm not living under that realization of grace nor the release of the wounding of my father. I have to face the ugly reality that I enjoy living in this place....no risk, no dealing...for after all, I'm just waiting for the Mack Truck incident......about the only thing is, I hope it won't hurt...too much.

I am coming to realize that it is there, trying to justify the fact that I feel inadequate to move forward and be what God calls me to be, that I have become complacent and quite happy to sit in this mired darkness, for it doesn't cost me a dime and doesn't cause me to have to begin to work my way out of the muck.

Convinced by the skill of denial that I am progressed enough to move forward, instead of being willing to mourn, grieve, and then bury the remains of my childhood in the grave of time, I have stopped moving and stopped growing because I've enough on my plate, thank you very much, to deal with. I want some peace, even if that peace is illusionary and more harmful than good. What was lost, either through the wounding of my father, the brutality of myself upon the remaining vestige of that ghostly image of a boy, and the decay of corruption that was the natural byproduct of such sinful and unrealized masculinity cannot be regained...in this world...for fallen state of man is linear as man himself and one cannot 'go back' to a way that was never realized.

That is where I have been fooled.

That is where I lost the responsibility I found on that Story Weekend and corrupted it with my own mired wounds. And that is where the 'nice guy' resides and is quite happy to call the shots. Not always, but enough to convince me that this wound hasn't been properly treated and healed and must once again be lanced to allow the poison to be released, and dug out, so that I can be the true man I was designed to be.

Instead of denying such a 'nice guy' façade exists, I realize the need to recognize him within my story…that story that is a small, small part of the larger story that God has told since the dawn of the first day and progressed through the life, teaching, death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ. To realize my tendency to keep the 'new model' that I've received in the transformation of my soul into the 'new creature' to keep it 'new'.

Rather than lamenting the fact that I am going to tarnish, through the painful and sinful nature of the old, that new body…at least as I progress towards the final model in which Christ wants to present us, Paul says, as to His Father on that final day…..and that I'm going to dent and bash the sleek lines of its garments…

Realizing that God's warranty plan is good enough to cover the damages I cause.
As with my trip into work today, going through the patches of ice where it was clearly evident to me (though apparently not to those who flew by) that I was operating more by inertia than willful steering, trusting the ability of the laws of nature, and the dynamics of the car to carry me safely to the other side of the patch…..

I need to realize that much of my life, and the adventure back into the darkness of my childhood and my soul, is going to be like that sensation…..of being an unwillful participant in the science of inertia and gravity and willing to risk the damage of collision to get to the other side. God will know when the moment comes for solidity underfoot and when that sensation returns of friction, I need to be ready to 'give it some gas'.

Watching for that next patch of ice and trusting God to be Big ENOUGH to do what He plans in that moment.

Not to kill the 'nice guy', but to immobilize him with the fear he's used to keep me in the muck and accept him as a part of my story. But no longer a defining part of the larger story of God's plan.

It's time to end this chapter and risk the collision of my own making.

By taking the larger risk for the long-term gains.

Not by living a short-term life.

This is my story, not written for the personal gain of making you feel obligated to pray and stand in my stead but to speak to you and draw you out,

Into the Larger story of God's plan…..

"Here, little kitty, tsk tsk tsk….."

Monday, January 26

Remember.....

"Only give heed to yourself and keep your soul diligently, so that you do not forget the things which your eyes have seen and they do not depart from your heart all the days of your life; but make them known to your sons and your grandsons. Remember the day you stood before the LORD your God at Horeb, when the LORD said to me, 'Assemble the people to Me, that I may let them hear My words so they may learn to fear Me all the days they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children.'" Deuteronomy 4:9-10 NASB

Moses, arguably the greatest of the Old Testament leaders that Israel had ever known, stood before the gathered nation at the end of its forty years of wandering most likely with the River Jordan at his back and the displayed splendor of the Promised Land decked out before their eager eyes. He summed up the forty years of the desert journey with one word.

Remember.

Everything. Don't forget having to gather up your homes and move at the behest of the cloud by day and the fire by night. Don't forget setting up your homes when it stopped, not knowing how long you would be camped there before moving on again. Don't forget how God provided manna, not in plenty but in abundance to the daily need, and remember the other forms of substance that He gave.

Remember the foolishness of your elders, all who have passed away on this forty year trek because of their sin before God.

Remember what it took to get here.

And don't forget what passionate worship and ardent relationship with the Most High God feels like…..just like when you stood before Him at Horeb.

For his leadership was at an end and another, Joshua, would take his place.

Pastor Jim Combs spoke of Moses this Sunday, after a brief and precise comment regarding the moment of his birth (where the Egyptian Pharaoh had decreed the death of each Hebrew first born because he was fearful of the growing population that was out sizing his own) and relating it to the President's latest 'decree' of renewing the giving of tax payer dollars for other nations' to perform abortions.

I've written a three-page blog about that, but I will probably never post it. Most Americans don't want to hear it, and a majority of the "Christian" community will argue that I am being 'intolerant' and 'unloving'.

If you want to read it, you can always ask me for it…..with that understanding that I am not just crying out about other's inactions and sinful pleasures…but am taking myself to task for it as well.

I would recommend (though not for the comment of President Barack Obama's latest decree and the impact it will have on this nation and the world) that you go to www.hissalt.net and listen to the inspired and challenging teachings of Pastor Jim of the River of Faith church (Faith Baptist and The River combined).

Though Pastor Jim spoke of Moses and how he went from 'degreed' to 'nobody' and then became God's servant, it wasn't that which impacted me the most this weekend.

A BIC read an devotional that referenced the Deuteronomy verse…..and with Pastor Jim's teaching, the impact God wanted His word to have upon me….mixed up with Scott Engelman's teaching on the all-too-familiar 'nice guy' complex….brought me to the uncomfortable place that I would have never thought I would be; to the point where it is not man who stands in the way of my answering God's call to purpose nor God deciding (as I've been told a few times) that maybe I've 'worked myself' out of being able to serve (though there are some who feel that such is a probability).

No, as I told one of the elders of the church as I knelt down at the altar this Sunday mid-morning…..I've known God's purpose for me since I accepted the grace to come back into His arms, spoken by God to me as Gene Appel stood upon the large stage at Willow Creek Church in Chicago and pursued full-force though I'd often wind up smashing into brutal walls of humanity's judgment…….no, it has been me who is no longer pursuing the Call, for I have decided that it is going to cost too much, hurt too much, and quite frankly, I've had more than my share of such 'humanistic' Christianity to last me a lifetime.

The cost of purposefully filling my calling would cost me what I felt would be too much.

I still do.

"But Moses said to God, "Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the people of Israel out of Egypt?"" Exodus 3: 11 GWT

The once great and powerful Moses, son of the daughter of the Pharaoh –mighty prince of the empire that Egypt was, was felled by an impulsive act of abusive power against his adopted people, inciting the wrath of the Pharaoh on down….a man who, if God had revealed Himself to him in such a state, would've rolled out papyrus after papyrus of degreed schooling, knowledgeable arts, and a hefty smattering of other 'noble' pursuits. Instead, as a result of his exile, tending a flock that was not his own, Moses trembled at the sight of God and fell to his knees…."No, I'm not the one you want…."

Who, even with the declaration of a God he rightfully feared speaking affirmation to him, "I will be with you", he still hemmed and hawed about facing the mighty empire of Egypt with a staff and God's anointing. To speak the words that God would give him to speak……

Yeah, I'm there.

A wealth of understanding, of passion, and of humility….knowing that I cannot speak my own words but merely reflect upon the hearts that God has directed into my path the words He would utter…..I am afraid that I don't know enough, am not 'righteous' enough, and am judged too much to be a worthy vessel of the Father's shepherding call…..

My wounds from the 'mega' church environment, where it is the corporate model that fuels the glittering candlesticks and fancy productions…where it is less about what you know than who you know….those hurt, especially when you've ran happily and joyfully into your Pastor's office with the news of purpose realized and been told…gently…that such as you probably are just wishful thinking.

To find a place in which to work the purpose, living in the fear of not being capable enough or worthy enough to shepherd the saints of the Church in worship, praise, and teaching…..remembering every mistake and every misquote….and what did it get you. A marriage broken and bruised, resentment and fear over what such shattering would do to the prestige of the 'Call'.

To be brought to a place where doing what was right cost you everything; a daughter living with her birth mother because of the disruption such as a marriage broken will do, a son increasingly disrupted because of the distance moved from the familiar, and the 'golden' reputation that is the lifeblood (at least I was informed by one dear friend, a pastor of a new church) of the minister destroyed…..

The financial crisis as I was overwhelmed by the sheer cost of maintaining a home I could not afford to rent, but had not choice but to try. The lost of a car, taken down by an aged alternator I couldn't afford to fix, and the late (then too far overdue) rent…..the frustration of finding a new home….the despair of such trials.
Then the few among the many who stepped out in major ways to help me; providing funds to move, funds to buy a new car, and to help me along the first stages of renewing my fragile faith……

And then, as I was slowly and 'realistically' building this new self, reconstructing the home lost and building a real budget to stick to; disaster once again. A rock cracked the housing of the transmission and two days later the car quit. 1,700 plus to fix. And me with exactly 200.00 in rent set back for such repairs.

The brothers who stepped out once again, offering help but what seemed not enough to meet the overwhelming need. The cries to the Lord, the pleading to be heard….and at the darkest of the night, God saying, "Here, this was the plan from the beginning….I will provide." A BIC stepping out in faith, giving me funds to purchase another car and then suddenly, the other BsIC's helping funds were enough…just enough….to bring the car to a road worthy shape so that the high mileage I drive (1 hour and 15 mins one way) would not strike it down before I could renew my budget and my financial stewardship.

The disruption of the 'nice guy', identified in so much that I do…and how its hindered the Call to the degree that I've been ready to surrender, to give the 'devil his due'.

Pastor Jim and his teaching on Sunday……calling me back to that purpose in reckonizing my reasons for stopping pursuit….

Fear.

Utter fear at the knowledge that such movement will cost, for wounding and battering of those called to ministry is high and fierce…all the pastors, leaders, mentors, and Barnabas' I've been graced to know have such stories…..and my unwillingness to pay such a price.

And Sunday afternoon, spending time thinking of all these things and realizing in the shadow of the Cross that bore a man who was fully God and fully man through the pain of mankind's love of self-preservation and denial for me; for you; for the whole of humanity…..

Realizing that I stopped chasing that purpose…because I wasn't remembering.
All the things God has taught me in the past seven, eight, nine, and even the last few years.

Redemption is but an acknowledgment away…..my ex-wife reading and seeming to understand the power of forgiving oneself, accepting God's forgiveness, and realizing the truth of another's without gain, without renewal, and with humility.

Power exists not in only listening to God's voice calling but moving within the direction of that voice; regardless of the doubts in your head, borne of a life told lies too and a situation that seems to be impossible to overcome…but moving anyway.
And looking into the pride of accomplishment and realizing the foolishness of 'nice guy' who has deceived you into believing in the painful attempts to deal with the past wounds that some were dealt with shallowly when it was thought they were well dug out.

And realizing the simplicity of the life I've been given to lead and how I've not dug the proper well for which to reach the nourishment of God's powerful love and mercy….

"Two things have I asked of You [O Lord]; deny them not to me before I die: Remove far from me falsehood and lies; give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is needful for me, lest I be full and deny You and say, Who is the Lord? Or lest I be poor and steal, and so profane the name of my God." Proverbs 30:9 AMP

As we face a world where the salvation of a people who were killed 5 million strong during a 30 year reign of terror, 10 million imprisoned and wounded for life is purchased with the faithful service of 3,000 of our own is the news of the day and yet the 161.7 million who were snuffed out at the behest of convenience and lack of voice are not to be heard in the sorrow of our souls, except to increase funding to continue to do such murder in the sake of a valueless society…..where a people have lost 229,00 of their own and have forgotten those 5 million that lay buried beneath the soil of their land…..

A voice is crying in the wilderness…….

REPENT! REPENT! For the Kingdom of God is at hand!!!!

It takes only one person of conscience to prevent tyranny from consuming a people…..

Moses was that voice in the face of Egypt's tyranny,

Jesus still is that voice…….

And we are His servants………….

What are you speaking today, regardless of the fear and the cost?

What are you remembering?

"There are many persons ready to do what is right because in their hearts they know it is right. But they hesitate, waiting for the other fellow to make the first move. ... The minute a person whose word means a great deal dares to take the openhearted and courageous way, many others follow."--Marian Anderson

Friday, January 23

Present connection to the past....the Truth remains unchanged.....

"Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised; and His greatness is unsearchable. One generation shall praise Your works to another, and shall declare Your mighty acts. I will meditate on the glorious splendor of Your majesty, and on Your wondrous works." Psalm 145:3-5

Irenaeus (2nd century AD - c. 202) was the Bishop of Lugdunum, Gaul in the Roman Empire (modern day Lyons, France), an early Church father and apologist, (who was discipled by Polycarp whom it is recorded that "He had been a disciple of John") felt compelled to write about the heresies that were being promoted a scant 100 or so years after the monumental events of Christ's triumph.

Corruption, introduced by the omission of Adam (who turned to his own understanding and abilities despite evidence that God was indeed capable, more so than he) and the culpability of Eve in the eviction from the Garden, had already started to distort and mislead many from the Truth lived and reported by the original apostles and passed on to their disciples in the tradition and commission that Christ established the Church.

We see the broad and sweeping evidence in today's society of what happens as man co-ops and recreates truth, rejecting the very absolute authority of the definer and creator of such Truth, into a more palpable and easily manipulated version of subjective truth. The Church has undergone man-made designs, changes not ill-concieved or maliciously adopted, that have done more harm and destruction than advancement of the Gospel because of the agendas, both hidden and known, of man to adapt the Truth to culture rather than bring the culture to the Truth.

As we have watched the epic and historical process of governance in our nation's tradition, those who would have once accepted and believe such absolutes can be whittled down, through the cheap and often self-serving subtleties humanity visits upon itself, to the degree that what was once subtle differences of theological opinion have filtered their way into the erosion of core Truth, at least in the perception of Man, to the point where the original bears no resemblance to the current copy promoted.

As Irenaeus says in the beginning of his writing, AGAINST HERIESES, "by means of their craftily-constructed plausibilities draw away the minds of the inexperienced and take [those] captives."

"Error," Irenaeus continues, "is never set forth in its naked deformity, lest, being thus exposed, it should at once be detected. But it is craftily decked out in an attractive dress, so as, by its outward from, to make it to the inexperienced (ridiculous as the expression may seem) more true than the truth itself."

That is why the teaching from Scott Engelman about the 'nice guy' so disrupted and disturbed me, carrying through to the Able Men meeting the following day to the point of seriously pondering that maybe such an association with "men humble in their own brokenness, and living in the gratitude of His mercies beyond measure" who are pursuing God's call upon them to impact men (by leading in God's community those values and morals designed and subsequently abused by a fallen humanity) was not where I, in my spiritual growth, was yet capable of serving faithfully and effectively in and why I should leave the group…because of the vestiges of 'nice guy' that haunt my story and my walk.

For the 'nice guy', as Engelman points out and Irenaeus echoes from the halls of history, "error" dresses itself up to be attractive and is the proverbial wolf in sheep's clothing……often mistaken in the lofty places of our community of faith as 'godly Christians'. And within the structure given in the teachings of the make-up of the 'nice guy' lie truth within the story and the agenda that I default to in the wounds of my story.

In Engelman's discussion, the 'nice guy' has the following characteristics that culminate in the "I will avoid chaos by hiding from it"-ology of relationship styles of masculinity……

He is more socially acceptably helpless, requiring those to come to his 'aid' through the hassle-free relational style to others…..i.e. 'You can't be upset with me, I'm a nice guy!' Through the manipulation of his 'nice guy attitude', he promotes a 'personal choice' of rescue from others, where they feel that such rendering of aid is of their own volition and yet remains disengaged from a deeper relational bond with other men.

Too often, Engelman points out, the dysfunctional 'nice guy' is discovered to be bland, dull, and internally dead bringing those within his relational circles to feel guilty because they recognize this 'dazzling dud' but blame themselves because of the clothing the nice guy offers…….

The conviction felt by this dysfunctional masculinity is based in self-contempt and lack of wisdom; for surely he would change if he only knew how and it is your 'job' to hope for the change to come. "I want to change, but don't know how…." Can anybody else see the wise, young ruler who asked what it took to follow Christ and went away saddened by the answer?

The 'nice guy' isn't alone in this dysfunctional masculinity and shares with the other types Engelman talks about in the last M3 meeting the core statement:
"I feel weak and afraid to powerfully enter into and to shape my world as a man so I will work hard to avoid and compensate for my inadequacies."

RED ALERT!! RED ALERT!! Core wound breached……we're going DOWN!!!! That is what I felt in the depth of my heart as I listened to this teaching…..Though I am not all these things, I can recognize enough to see the cracks in the hull……

But in that darkness, where the upset and self-loathing of a disrupted soul resides is the realization of recognizing and mourning the loss of true masculine purpose; to be a blessing and to create the environment for life in the chaos and darkness of this world…..kinda like realizing that you want to breathe, but can't because your own hands are choking you……being counter-purposed to our own desire of living a Godly designed masculinity.

As a brother in Christ (BIC)said, "Knowing is half the battle." When we realize the agenda our broken and sinful masculinity has, we can recognize when we are relating in those disrupted styles and surrender our tendencies to God's manipulations. As one of my mentors and BsIC said, "God will direct and guide you in your darkness [of your dysfunctional relational style]."

This isn't just a masculine thing….its a broken, sinful humanity thing.

I spent last night watching God move, in answering to prayer, in the lives of those that have intersected and been engaged in this journey, and how the realization, or return, to the absolute authority and truth of Jesus Christ is always an inspiring and hopeful thing; a realization of the joy that the Holy Spirit makes available to those who believe in the processes of this corrupt and chaotic world of broken creation.

And thinking how sadly it is because of the very nature of humanity's sinful self-preservation (and the wounds that we cause our children, our families, and loved ones) that the immediate following thoughts (far beyond the praises of God's loving and merciful nature of forgiving and empowering the very return of such to the fold and the stepping out in answering to the calling to purpose) that I looked for the hidden agendas in the methods and words of such displayed realizations of those prayers simply because of past histories and wounded experiences..

I was built to be a blessing, to bring life in the context of chaos and darkness where the light of life's heartbeat can be grown. That is my warrior purpose, and one that I've recognized too often I use for my own purposes.

"They also overthrow the faith of many, by drawing them away, under a pretence of [superior] knowledge, from Him who rounded and adorned the universe;" Irenaeus states, "as if, forsooth, they had something more excellent and sublime to reveal, than that God who created the heaven and the earth, and all things that are therein."

And therein, even in the midst of such uncertainty of the sinful tendencies of my 'nice guy' wounds, lies the answer of the assurance of –no matter how zigzagged or hazy the path I stride upon borne of the free will choices I have made and the interactions of the choices also borne of free will of those that intersect and blend into my pathway ---I walk a path towards the hope assured and the desired relationship with my Creator, because I know my old self and have seized upon him to embrace his brokenness I hide and gaze at the Father's face as a prodigal once more.

Peter's question echoes in my head under the wise and heartfelt counsel given in both the personal disruption and the chaos visited upon those who intersect my world….."Lord, should I forgive my brother seven times?" And Christ's response of "Seventy times seven."

History shows me that the tendency of mankind is to allot such a limitation upon the number of times that we may visit upon each other the corruption of our sinful desire to protect ourselves and establish upon the chaos of our lives the order to which Adam believed himself (and thus our thoughts too) capable of. I will treat you nicely, but without substance and depth.

And, yet, in the realization of the powerful and righteous nature of the God I follow (who has forgiven me daily for the sins known and unknown that have coursed through this fallen structure), my course of action does not allow me the luxury of the temporary satisfaction of manipulating the world around me according to my own experiences and wounds, for I must be able to forgive and give without reservation because of the forgiveness I myself have partook of and continue to do so on a daily basis of need.

I must move within the chaos to bring that which I have been designed to bring, absent of my agenda and my requirements, but set upon the realization of provision of acceptance that Christ purchased for me with His blood.

To essentially believe in the power of the Holy Spirit to move within the lives of those who have caused the greatest pain to redeem them and inspire those who fearfully contemplate dreams denied despite overwhelming and possibly limiting mountains to overcome…….and through the desire to know and walk with the superiority of relationship with God, by its very nature, have to be willing to be hurt very severely should the redemption of another prove false and the dreams of one fall into despair.

To dare to reach into the lion's jaws, absent of my own agenda, and stay the course of God's absolute truth. Even to the expense of my own preservation and the lost of that precious agenda that everyone, myself included, has.

To fall upon the sword of another for the testimonial and redemption of an outsider, someone maybe that is not even involved in the circles I inhabit, with all of my body screaming against such unwise and foolish actions. I want to protect myself; from pain, from sorrow, and even from the disappointment of evil's influence.
Even at the expense that such sacrifice we may give (as we are guilty of doing with Christ's purchase of our punishment upon the Cross) would not be realized at that moment ---indeed, if ever.

Even in the darkness of our own dysfunctional relational styles, there is a hope that shines brighter than our own understanding and it is through our refusal to allow the base, sinful old self the power and effort to protect ourselves that we find such hope simply buried in the filth of our own sinful desires of self-protection and service.

"For even as gold, when submersed in filth, loses not on that account its beauty," Irenaeus says, "but retains its own native qualities, the filth having no power to injure the gold….."

Our righteousness, once given through the grace and mercy of Christ cannot be tarnished or diminished in the realization of our own brokenness but rather uncovered and allowed to be treasured and shown as our dependence upon the Creator's design.

Live to be a blessing……and be blessed beyond your own capabilities……

As a husband,

As a father,

And as a man desirous and in full pursuit of God…..

Wednesday, January 21

Historical step, and an historic trust.....

“Then all the responsible men of Israel got together and went to Samuel at Ramah, And said to him, See now, you are old, and your sons do not go in your ways: give us a king now to be our judge, so that we may be like the other nations. But Samuel was not pleased when they said to him, Give us a king to be our judge. And Samuel made prayer to the Lord. And the Lord said to Samuel, Give ear to the voice of the people and what they say to you: they have not been turned away from you, but they have been turned away from me, not desiring me to be king over them. As they have done from the first, from the day when I took them out of Egypt till this day, turning away from me and worshipping other gods, so now they are acting in the same way to you. Give ear now to their voice: but make a serious protest to them, and give them a picture of the sort of king who will be their ruler. And Samuel said all these words of the Lord to the people who were desiring a king. And he said, This is the sort of king who will be your ruler: he will take your sons and make them his servants, his horsemen, and drivers of his war-carriages, and they will go running before his war-carriages; And he will make them captains of thousands and of fifties; some he will put to work ploughing and cutting his grain and making his instruments of war and building his war-carriages. Your daughters he will take to be makers of perfumes and cooks and bread-makers. He will take your fields and your vine-gardens and your olive-gardens, all the best of them, and give them to his servants. He will take a tenth of your seed and of the fruit of your vines and give it to his servants. He will take your men-servants and your servant-girls, and the best of your oxen and your asses and put them to his work. He will take a tenth of your sheep: and you will be his servants. Then you will be crying out because of your king whom you have taken for yourselves; but the Lord will not give you an answer in that day. But the people gave no attention to the voice of Samuel; and they said, No, but we will have a king over us, So that we may be like the other nations, and so that our king may be our judge and go out before us to war. Then Samuel, after hearing all the people had to say, went and gave an account of it to the Lord. And the Lord said to Samuel, Give ear to their voice and make a king for them.” (1 Samuel 8:4-22a BBE)

Today, the 20th day of January in the year 2009 will stand out for each and every American citizen as we watched via the Television, listened over the radio and internet, or (for a fortunate million or so) stood upon the lands of our nation’s capital and watched as the tradition of inaugurating our newly elected President happened for the 44th time in its history.

“I do solemnly swear to faithfully execute the office of the President of the United States of America…..”

Everyone seems to be caught up in the nationalistic fervor and euphoria of unity and change, which was the platform our newly elected President campaigned during one of the longest Presidential campaigns in our history. Relatively unknown prior to his ascension to public office as a Senator from Illinois, Barack Hussein Obama became, as he finished taking the oath as required by our Constitution, the first African-American President in our nation’s 233 year history.

Amid the cries of triumph and the tears of sorrow, one man stood where only forty-three others had stood before him and made an entry into the historical annuals of time. African-American leaders proclaimed justice served and the common citizen, both Caucasian and African-American, swelled their chests in pride at this outward appearance of ‘overcoming the racial divide’.

Indeed, it was an historical moment as the descendant of African slaves forced to labor in a country not their own claimed residence in the House built by those hands. The White House, symbolic seat of the American government. He placed his hand upon the Bible on which another fellow Illinoisan had taken his oath of office amid a national divide that would lead into the greatest war fought against countrymen on this soil. The Americans arrayed in the landscape around him rivaled the historic attendance set by another Democratic nominee some thirty-three years prior.

Today, President Barack Hussein Obama became truly one American, representative of both sides of the hyphen of his ethnicity. And upon the shoulders of this, one of the youngest and relatively inexperienced Presidents of our nation, rests the accomplishments of other African-Americans who have stood upon the soil of this land and declared through their actions and deeds that they were, indeed, citizens of the United States.

A long and distinguished history………………….

Both famously known and mere common folk who became the first for their race and led the way to the steps upon which our 44th President stood today…

Jupiter Hammon, who wrote the poem "An Evening Thought: Salvation by Christ with Penitential Cries", the first published author. Jen Baptiste Pointe due Sabe, the famous 'Father of Chicago", was that city's first settler. Phillis Wheatley, the first female author. The 1st Rhode Island Regiment of the U.S. military. Thomas L. Jennings, the first patent holder in 1821. Alexander Twilight of Vermont State Legislature, in 1836. Dr. James McCune Smith, the first doctor. Macon Allen, the first lawyer.

Dr. David J. Peck, first American educated doctor. Charles L. Reason, the first university professor. William Wells Brown, first author of a novel called "Clotel; (The President's Daughter)", who also was the first playwright published "The Escape; (A Leap for Freedom)". Sarah Jane Woodson Early, the first female college professor. 1st Louisiana Native Guard of the Confederate Army, first North American military unit with officers of African descent. Bishop Daniel Payne, first college president (Wilberforce College, Ohio). Martin Delany, first U.S. Army field officer. John Sweat Rock, first attorney admitted to the bar of the U.S. Supreme Court. Cathay Williams, first female enlistee in U.S. Army.

Oscar Dunn, first Lieutenant Governor (Louisiana). Ebenezer Don Carlos Bassett, first U.S. Diplomat (Haiti). Thomas Mundy Peterson, first to vote under the 15th Amendment in an election. Senator Hiram Rhodes Revels, first U.S. Congressman (Republican, Mississippi). Joseph Rainey, first U.S. Representative (Republican South Carolina). Edward Alexander Bouchet, first doctorate degree (Physics, Yale) and first graduate of Yale. Henry Ossian, first graduate of West Point and commissioned officer in U.S. Military. Mary Eliza Mahoney, first graduate of nursing school. Blanche K. Bruce, first signature on U.S. paper currency (Registrar of the Treasury) in 1881. Sarah E. Goode, first female to hold a patent. Father Augustine Tolton, first Roman Catholic priest. Jackie Robinson, the first African-American Major League Baseball player.

Wiley Overton, first police officer of present-day New York City department, hired first by Brooklyn. Matilda Sissieretta Joyner Jones, first opera singer at Carnegie Hall. W.E.B. Du Bois, first doctorate degree from Harvard University. Richard R. Wright, first appointed U.S. Army paymaster. Booker T. Washington, first to dine at the White House. Harry Lew, first professional basketball player (New England Professional Basketball League).

Jack Johnson, first heavyweight boxing champion. John Taylor, first Olympic gold medal winner (Track and Field). Madam C. J. Walker, first millionaire. Samuel J. Battle, first police officer of the newly incorporated New York City Police department and first Sergeant, Lieutenant, and parole commissioner. Fritz Pollard, first Rose Bowl football player (Brown University Bruins) who would be also the first to be named to an College Football All-American Team (Walter Camp All-American Football Team), and one of the first NFL professional football players in addition to being the first NFL co-coach. Bobby Marshall (Rock Island Independents) was the other who played professionally in the NFL. Bessie Coleman, first international licensed pilot. Sadie Tanner Mossell Alexander, first woman PhD (Economics).

William DeHart Hubbard, first individual Olympic gold medal winner (Long Jump). Clifton R. Wharton, Sr., first Foreign Service Officer. Otelia Cromwell, first female o graduate from Smith College obtains PhD from Yale University. Josephine Baker, first international movie star (La Sirene des tropiques). Oscar Stanton De Priest, first post-Reconstruction U.S. Representative (Republican, Illinois). James W. Ford, first to run on presidential ticket in the 20th century. Arthur W. Mitchell, first democrat U.S. Representative (Illinois). William Grant Still, first conductor of a major U.S. orchestra (Los Angeles Philharmonic). William Henry Hastie, first federal magistrate and first governor (U.S. Virgin Islands). Hal Jackson, first network radio host (WINX-Washington, D.C.).

Hattie McDaniel, first Academy award (Best supporting actress, Gone with the Wind). Booker T. Washington, first portrait on a U.S. postage stamp. Benjamin O. Davis, Sr., first U.S. Army General and Brigadier-General. Josh White, first White House Command Performance. Dorie Miller, first Navy Cross recipient. The “Golden Thirteen”, the first commission Naval officers. Samuel Gravely, commissioned as a U.S. Navy officer who commanded a naval warship and achieved the rank of Admiral.
Dr. Howard Thurman, first co-pastor of the nation’s first interracial church (Church for the Fellowship of All Peoples). Todd Duncan, first member of the New York City Opera. Jackie Robinson, first Major League Baseball Player (Brooklyn Dodgers). Don Barksdale, first All-American basketball player who also achieved firsts in being on an Olympic Basketball team and Olympic gold medalist in basketball in addition to playing in an NBA All-Star game.

James Baskett, first Academy Award winner (Uncle Remus in Song of the South/ Honorary). Jesse L. Brown, first Naval aviator. William Grant Still, first composer to have his opera performed by a major U.S. company (Troubled Island by the New York City Opera). Alice Coachman, the first woman to win an Olympic gold medal Wesley Brown, first graduate of the U.S. Naval Academy. Edward R. Dudley, first Ambassador of the United States.

Gwendolyn Brooks, first Pulitzer Prize winner (Book of poetry, Annie Allen). Ralph Bunche, first Nobel Peace Prize winner. The first NBA professional basketball players, Earl Lloyd (Washington Capitols), Chuck Cooper (Boston Celtics), Nat “Sweetwater” Clifton (New York Knicks). Ethel Waters, first star of a network television show (Beulah). Althea Gibson, first woman to compete on the World Tennis tour and Wimbledon tennis champion (Doubles) in addition to winning a Grand Slam event at the French Open.

Cora Brown, first woman elected to the U.S. State Senate (Democrat, Michigan). Frank E. Petersen, first U.S. Marine Corps aviator. Howard Thurman, first Dean of chapel at a majority white university (Boston University). Carl Brashear, first U.S. Navy Master Diver. Dorothy Dandridge, first woman nominee of the Academy Award for Best Actress (Carmen Jones) and the subject of the cover of LIFE magazine. Marian Anderson, first member of the Metropolitan Opera. Arthur Mitchell, first male dancer and principal dancer of a major ballet company (New York City Ballet). Leontyne Price, first singer in a telecast opera (NBC, Tosca). Nat King Cole, first male star of a network television show (The Nat King Cole Show). Lowell W. Perry, first assistant coach in the NFL , NFL broadcaster and plant manager of a U.S. Automobile company. Ruth Carol Taylor, first woman flight attendant (Mohawk Airlines). Ella Fitzgerald and Count Basie, first Grammy Award winners in the first year of its presentation. Reverend Clennon King, first U.S. Presidential candidate (Independent Afro-American Party). Ernie Davis, first Heisman trophy winner. Abraham Bolden, first U.S. Secret Service agent assigned to the White House detail. John Jordan “Buck” O’Neill, first coach in the MLB (Chicago Cubs). Bobo Brazil, first male world heavyweight champion in wrestling (NWA). Roland Davis, first bank examiner (U.S. Department of the Treasury).

Martin Luther King, Jr., first Time’s Magazine Man of the Year. Lloyd Sealy, first NYPD precinct commander. (28th precinct in Harlem). Walter Harris, first chess master. Bill Cosby, first star of a network television drama (I Spy). Benjamin Oliver Davis, Jr., first U.S. Air Force general (Three-star). Patricia Roberts Harris, first female ambassador of the United States (Luxembourg). Burl Toler, first NFL official (Field judge/Head Linesman). Bill Russell, first NBA coach (Boston Celtics). Robert C. Henry, first mayor of a major U.S. City (Springfield Ohio). Edward Brooke, first post-Reconstruction U.S. Senator elected by popular vote (Republican/Massachusetts). Emmett Ashford, first MLB umpire. Robert O. Lowery, first fire commissioner of a major U.S. city (New York City Fire Department). Carl B. Stokes, first elected major of a major U.S. city (Cleveland, Ohio). Thurgood Marshall, first Supreme Court justice of the United States. Robert Henry Lawrence, Jr., first selected for astronaut training. Benjamin Harris, first to walk in space.

Charlie Sifford, first winner of a PGA tour (Greater Hartford Open Invitational). Shirley Chisholm, first woman elected to U.S. House of Representatives (Democrat/New York) and major political party Presidential nominee to campaign. Arthur Ashe, first male to win a Grand Slam event (US Open). Marlin Briscoe, first starting quarterback in the modern era (Denver Broncos/AFL). Riley L. Pitts, first commissioned officer to be awarded the Medal of Honor. Nancy Hicks Maynard, first woman reporter for the New York Times. Lillian Lincoln, first graduate of the Harvard Business school. Hal Jackson and Percy Sutton, first owners of a radio station (WLIB-New York). Isaiah Edward Robinson, Jr., first president of the New York Board of Education.

Doris A. Davis, first woman mayor of a major metropolitan city (Compton, California). Walter Washington, first elected and first mayor (Washington D.C.). Frank Robinson, first manager of a MLB team (Cleveland Indians). Daniel James, Jr., first American Four-Star General. Barbara Jordan, first woman named TIME magazine’s Person of the Year.

Countless African-Americans who achieved firsts in the history of this nation enabled our 44th President to stand upon the steps of the Washington Memorial and become another first. Countless African-Americans and other ethnicities who refused to allow human decision to corrupt Godly authority…..that "all men were created equal."

George Washington, in his first inaugural address, still echoes in the halls of history…”The preservation of the sacred fire of liberty and the destiny of the republican model of government are justly considered, perhaps, as deeply, as finally, staked on the experiment entrusted to the hands of the American people.”

And it would seem, in his inaugural address, that our 44th President has heard the echoes of his predecessors. "If we are waiting for someone else to do something, it never gets done," said Barack Obama. "We are going to have to take responsibility [for our nation's well-being]. All of us. And so this is not just a one-day affair."

Today was a great and powerful statement to the citizens of the United States and a milestone in the historic growth of this once great nation. As one African-American, Byron Miller, said “We have gone from emancipation to inauguration.” Not just African-Americans, but the breath and dearth of the American citizenship. A lesson that has been hard to learn and harder to overcome. But we are not done.
President Barack Obama has been called a Messiah, a harbinger of hope, a messenger of change and his election does indeed show a change in the fundamentals of this nation.

But he, like all of us whether born of American birthright or immigrant, African-American or Caucasian-American, rich or poor, is but a broken, sinful human being 'for all have fallen short of the glory of God.'

We stand inside the door that we, the American people have opened; the door of the reality of one great American's dream, that the contents of a person's character stands more valued and sacred than the color of their skin.

It is that character that we, as a people, need to remember once more and restitch into the moral fabric of our country. In its laws, in its policies, and in its government.

To realize that theories that once called a ethnicity inferior and are promoted in our schools as fact have no place within our borders, that the continued killing of our generations to come disrupt and condemn this mighty experiment to failure by destroying the very hope that brought us this far, that commonality of purpose requires accountability to a higher ideal that is far beyond the definition and devising of mankind, and that morality doesn't lie upon the human definition of tolerance but upon the abiding and uncorrupted love born "one dark and hopeless Friday afternoon," as my mentor and friend said to me recently.

Human institutions are, by their very nature, human in their ability to be corrupted and become a source of tyranny and oppression. Human institutions cannot bring about moral and ethical change, neither can the symbol of one man no matter how charismatic or desirous of such change. There has been only one, who was both fully God and fully man, and His example is what we, as a nation, should follow. It is the framework upon which our Forefathers placed the character of this Republic.
It doesn't begin in the hallowed halls of that Republic, where career politicians forget the sacred trust that they have been given by the people who's voice they are supposed to speak into the laws and policies of the land. It doesn't not begin even in the fifty-two states seats of government. Nor at any other level of government in this nation.

As the lesson has been taught, it begins in the homes and the very hearts of the tiny villages and towns that dot the landscape of this country. Where people who refused to listen to the declarations of man and instead listened to the whispers of the Holy Spirit that declared the creation and expectation of God's creation of humanity. Who refused, though it might gain them temporary satisfaction or glory, to corrupt that very sacred truth and lived their lives in pursuit of ideals and moralities issued forth by that Creator. Refusing to listen to corrupt, sinful man and its institutions and listening to a God, both powerfully fearful and mercifully loving, to stand for things beyond their own reliance of understanding and for a wisdom that transcended their own profit.

The names of those African-American 'firsts' to which our 44th President joins and the names of those of other ethnicities who stood upon the moral ground of truth. Who realized that communicating with God through the reading and understanding of His word, praying and implementing such standards in their own lives was the only way, the best way, to overcome human fragility and sin.

I will be an active citizen, as I have in the past, and hold my government accountable to speak my voice. Not to standards to which I have decided but to a higher, more pure standard to which the Creator we owe our existence, our future, and our hope to.

I say my prayers for my leaders, duly elected in the political process that has govern this nation from its inception, for it is God who is ultimately in control and it is to God that we must, as guardians of this sacred Republic, turn. For the power we hold we corrupt, but the absolute power of God is incorruptible by human means.

As we ride the wave of a new future, where the racial barrier has been broken, let us not forget the lessons learned that has brought us to this day.

Even, the lessons learned this very day.

When the Chief Justice flubbed the Oath of Office, our new President elected to give grace…not condemnation.

When Pastor Rick Warren, of Saddleback Church, offered his prayer…..speaking truth to the God he serves, who saved him and yet speaking such truth with love and honor to those who would not believe such as he.

And to the dark and un-American statements made by another religious figurehead, Rev. Joseph Lowery, a United Methodist considered the dean of the civil rights movement, who gave voice to that which we've stated—as a nation—has no place within our walls when he said, " Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get back, when brown can stick around --when yellow will be mellow --when the red man can get ahead, man --and when white will embrace what is right."

We, the United States of America, entrusted with the care of this nation, its citizens, and its future and with the election of our first African-American President, have declared with one voice that such a day has come.

Our 44th President faces challenges unique to his first elected term in office; the ongoing war in Iraq and Afghanistan and the economy to name a few. "Our schools are in disarray. Our stock market is sick. Our environment is taking a pounding. We face threats from Russia and a big shadow from China,” writes Mitch Albom, of the Detroit Free Press.

Theodore Roosevelt said, “Our loyalty is due entirely to the United States. It is due to the President only and exactly to the degree in which he efficiently serves the United States. It is our duty to support him when he serves the United States well. It is our duty to oppose him when he serves it badly. This is true….about all our Presidents in the past. It is our duty at all times to tell the truth about the President and about every one else, save in the cases where to tell the truth at the moment would benefit the public enemy.”

The awareness of moral and ethical conduct of a people to prefer right over wrong, and to demand that all people of the nation conform their wills to the production of such right conduct is the fabric of the United States of America. As we step into a future achieved by the promotion of the first African-American President in our history, let us step forward in the traditions set forth by the laws of this land.

We can stand morally and patriotically, disagreeing with the policies and laws that the residing President may wish to impose upon the whole of the citizenry in the proper and ethical traditions of engaging our governmental officials to speak and vote the voice of the people. We may disagree with other citizens, and the forum of our official governing bodies are the ground in which to speak those disagreements.

It isn’t about the color of a man’s skin that will cause dissension, and it will show how far this country has come when the citizenship that disagrees with his policies are allowed to speak just as the ones who agree are given a voice also. The first African-American President serves not only liberals, not only African-Americans, but all people.

Let us be worthy of the history that has created this grand experiment, the lives that have paid its price of birth, and the hands upon which its life rest.


Thomas Jefferson once said, “All Tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent.”

Our government is of the people, for the people, and governs by the people. And it is not only our President, Barack Hussein Obama, for which history stands in wait for its opinion of our faithfulness to the sacred trust of this Republic which lies in the hands of the citizenship which it was designed to serve.

President Barack Obama spoke true words forged from the lessons of our nation's history in his inaugural speech today, “On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas…………We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things…………. As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake………. it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies………………….”

Will he live up to those ideals and perform the duties of the Office of the President of the United States for the people of this land? Will the Congress, designed to legislate into laws the wishes of the people, perform its duties according to the will of the people? Will the Judicial branch, given the voice not of themselves, but of the people speak the laws given by the Congress in truth and honor?

Will we, the citizenship of this nation, hold ourselves accountable as well? To preserve, defend, and protect the Constitution of the United States, the framework of a nation OF the people, FOR the people, and BY the people?

I didn’t vote for President Barack Hussein Obama, because I don’t agree with the policies and ideals that are liberal in nature of which he campaigned, because I believe will slide this once morally sound and patriotically strong country built upon the Christian tenants brought by the first citizens to its shores further away from such ideals which constitute that sacred trust.

America is far greater than the sum of its citizens and far superior than the corrupt institutions of human-making. For it is……

"One nation, Under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for All."

So help us, God.

Monday, January 19

The moment of man's surrender....................

“When the woman saw that the tree produced fruit that was good for food, was attractive to the eye, and was desirable for making one wise, she took some of its fruit and ate it. She also gave some of it to her husband who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them opened, and they knew they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God moving about in the orchard at the breezy time of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the orchard. But the LORD God called to the man and said to him, "Where are you?" The man replied, "I heard you moving about in the orchard, and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid." And the LORD God said, "Who told you that you were naked? Did you eat from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?" The man said, "The woman whom you gave me, she gave me some fruit from the tree and I ate it."” (Genesis 3:6-12 NET.)

It is interesting to note, in the study of how and why the biblical formation of masculinity and femininity has gone so wrong as to produce a society today that is nothing like the original intent; where men are feminized and women are left with less than they originally sought in the fight for ‘equality’ among the sexes, that the axioms that dot the societal landscape can be found in the biblical text of our first parents; Adam and Eve.

Scott Engelmann, of the Awakened Hearts Ministries, opened the proverbial Pandora’s box wide open this last Saturday as he began to discuss “What men do that frustrates women: Understanding why we do the things we do.” You can go to www.m3mministries.org and find the topic notes that I’ll be discussing from.

As in any discussion regarding a problem, one must go back to the beginning and chart the progression of the problem now noted in awakening eyes; i.e. the economy’s ills aren’t a problem President Bush created, it started during the Clinton administration and is just now coming to age.

Our generational problems with the youth aren’t something that started at their birth but something that started long ago and has compounded into today’s generation lost.

Engelmann calls this day, “The day that forever changed your manhood.” And it wasn’t God, much like the economy is being blamed on President Bush, who caused manhood to be forever altered in the generations to follow Adam; it was Adam himself who cursed the landscape of relational beings called mankind and it is the result of his action (or rather inaction) that caused the whole of mankind to be cursed, gender-specifically, in those generations following.

The problem that exists today; feminized men, gender-confusion, broken homes, marriages of fragile and immoral structures, and the continued disassociation of generations of youth come from one moment in history; when the first man failed to live according to his biblical purpose and bless the woman he had been given for relationship.

Much like a disaster-recreation specialist will do with an airplane crash, a devasting fire, or a natural disaster; Engelmann takes us through the one disaster that has plagued mankind throughout the ages. He does this, not in a effort to bring conviction and disconnection to men today but to call them back to the purpose to which they have been built and to show them how to do it.

Where John Eldredge speaks of what a man is designed to be; wild and untamed; Robert Lewis speaks of the nobility of man; strong and true; and Dr. Larry Crabb speaks of the failures of man; Scott Engelmann starts more at a more logical point; where and why man has gone wrong and takes us on a journey to recreate the disaster that has echoed throughout the generations of humanity since.

Adam, simply put, was a ‘nice guy’. When the snake, representative in Ancient Near East culture of chaos and darkness, entered into the garden Adam wasn’t off in the back forty tending the sheep, frolicking with the buffalo, or gazing upon the wonders that God had created. He was standing next to his co-warrior and partner in this grand adventure that God had made them for……and was silent.

He didn’t correct Eve, telling her that God didn’t say that a simple touch would cause the punishment of death to be occurred and that such an action as eating a prohibited item was against the very nature of the God they conversed with, walked with, in the beauty of creation’s garden and therefore a sin. No, Adam allowed the conversation to go on and allowed Eve to embellish what she didn’t know about God’s prohibition.

The snake convinced Eve that her feelings that God was indeed holding out the wealth of His power from her and her husband were true. And Adam remained silent, though he had first hand knowledge of the wealth and scope of God’s power and the blessings received; the woman standing beside him was proof of such glanderous giving.

Yeah, yeah, heard that story many times in the cushy chair of the church you attend? You know that its all Adam’s fault, that he didn’t stop what would become mankind’s downfall with a simple “No” or by casting the serpent out of the garden proper? On the surface, such things are indeed what happened and are evidence of Adam’s failure. But what brings such weight and disastrous consequences to such a simplistic and momentary spot in the wrinkles of time?

We can jump back two chapters in the creation account, to the beginning of the beginning……God made.

In Genesis 1:1, we read the first words of creation….”God made the heaven and the earth.” Neither was made in full form that we know today, the earth was ‘waste and formless’ and ‘darkness upon the deep’ ruled. Simply put, out of darkness and chaos, God created beauty and light. This is where life began, far beyond some primordial pool of ectoplasm and scrape materials. The Spirit of God moved upon the deep and spoke creation into existence. God brought out of darkness light and chaos order.

And God created man.

There is a host of authors who have identified what man was created as; an image-bearer of God. The animals weren’t created in God’s image and therefore were inadequate to be a companion to man. God was too superior. Woman was created to be a co-inheritor and warrior of relationship; thus being a suitable companion to Adam (see Engelmann’s discussion “What a woman wants”). As woman was the warrior to combat Adam’s loneliness, so Adam was the warrior to sustain a life-inviting environment (the garden) for his wife and all of creation.

The serpent (aka the snake) came into the Garden, darkness and chaos, and entices the woman….the warrior of relationship….to embrace it. Adam, who’s purpose was to combat such remains silent. The image-bearer of God’s nature; bringing life into the world of darkness and chaos, remains silent and allows darkness and chaos to gain a foothold. Adam didn’t speak or move against the chaos. A mistake, surely, and the first step into the headlong journey that mankind has taken empty of God’s purpose.

But, even then, even in the midst of such a mistake----a lack of movement----mankind could’ve been saved. As with any life-changing event, it is the compounding of errors made that increases the scope of the problem…..much like a rock gaining speed as it rolls downhill.

Adam compounds the problem. As Engelmann says, “He chooses to not trust God with a now growing problem. He forgets God and seeks to solve the problem of chaos on his own.” Adam disconnects from the relationship with God and from the benefit of His grace. And mankind has been compounding the problem ever since.

And he throws the one who was built to combat his greatest fear; loneliness, when confronted with his own complacency. When God seeks them out after this disaster, Adam points to the woman and says, “She made me do it.” An excuse that men have used throughout the ages since. Eve may have taken the first bite out of the forbidden fruit, but Adam was the source of sin’s introduction to the world.
“For this reason, as through one man sin came into the world, and death because of sin, and so death came to all men, because all have done evil.” Romans 5:12 (NET)
So, what does this have to do with masculinity today?

We have developed through the generations men who have lived in a world that is set against them, and promote such things that seek to offset the feelings of incompetence, inadequate capabilities, and impotence so that we, as men, will not face the fear that if we are exposed the world will realize that we are not enough of a ‘man’. We promote our fear that God is not good enough to handle such fears and so as men we seek to protect, keep, and care for ourselves in a world that is opposed to us.

We, as Adam did in the Garden event, don’t move into darkness and chaos to create life-inviting environments. We don't invite our co-warriors to bring their image of God they bear into such an environment.

We bear the curse of Adam; seeking the same thing he did…the protection of ourselves in a world that hasn’t changed from the moment in time when Adam was called upon the bear the image of his creator and sacrificially step into the chaos to bring life-giving relationship to a wounded warrior…his wife, Eve. He sought to take matters into his own hand, distrusting the mercy and abilities of God to redeem the situation, and compounded the problem through his inaction.

Men continue to do that today; look at the feminist movement, look at the TV shows, and look at the generation which is coming into power through the ‘change’ platform of Barack Obama, rather than face the change that needs to be made at the beginning of the problem; men not living as men and women not living as women.

Simply put, Engelmann makes the statement that resonates in the hearts of today’s men…..”I feel weak and afraid to powerfully enter into and to shape my world as a man so I will work hard to avoid and compensate for my inadequacies.”

So, is there any hope?

Yes, and it lies within the realization that, like Adam, we need God’s mercy and grace. In facing the fact we are inadequate to the task of being the totality of our purpose; image-bearers of God who use the power of Him to move in a world set against us.

As the life verse that I was given during the story weekend I attended so long ago…..”And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you. For my power is perfected in weakness.’” It is in that moment, when we as men are fully vulnerable, fully inadequate to the task that we find ourselves in the unprotected position of exposure, that we become the reflection of God’s love and power as we were built to be.

We love sacrificially, as Paul tells us to “love your wives as Christ loved the Church”, and move into the chaos once more to dispel the darkness so that our co-inheritors can bring life-enhancing relationship as valued, desired, and beautiful reflections of God’s hatred of loneliness.

It is when we realize that we cannot affect change ourselves, that our power is too weak due to its corruption, that we desperately cling to God’s ability to protect our hearts. And we experience the freedom that can only be sustained by a relationship with the image we bear to love as He loves us.

“Because masculinity was designed to reflect the life-giving power of God in this world, we cannot be men when we live lives distant and disconnected from God.” Engelmann concludes, “A man’s masculinity can no more reflect the power of a God he is distant from than the moon reflect the light of the sun it is distant from.”

Who's image do you reflect?

The discussion today is based on Awakened Hearts Ministries' Scott Engelmann and his notes regarding "What men do that frustrates women" and in part earlier discussions presented through the M3 Ministry. www.ahmministries.org and www.m3mministries.org are the websites of this ministry.

Neither AHM, the parent ministry of M3 or Scott Engelmann have endorsed this writing. This is representative of my own personal views on the information presented.


Men Mentoring Men (M3) is a sub-ministry of Awakened Heart Ministries. Awakened Heart Ministries is a non-profit organization founded in 2008. We offer a variety of ministries all committed to the restoration, healing and growth of the core relationships of life: relationship with God, spouse and family. AHM was founded with the enthusiastic support of individuals and couples whose lives and relationships have been richly changed by the love and grace of Jesus Christ.

For more information about AHM or any of our sub-ministries, please email us at:

info@ahmministries.org, or call 248-508-0992.

AHM also partners with Grace Counseling Center, Dr. Tim Hogan, Director, 313-343-9000.

Awakened Heart Ministries
P.O. Box 4941
Troy, MI 48099

Friday, January 16

Michiganders....my kind of people

And the rest of the nation wonders why Michiganders consider themselves special........

In the midst of the coldest season we've had, we still keep perspective......

Its colder than.......

a contract extension offer for Jim Leyland.

a frosty cold Slurpee, brain freeze.

an Mother In laws dirty looks

a day after a Lions loss

that the politicians have their hands in their own pockets

the Lions front office thinking staff

a polar bear in pj's.

my 2008 401k results!!!

the Detroit Tiger bullpen

that I saw the wind freeze

a brass toilet in an igloo!!

Alaska in winter...the Eskimos who came to vacation here want to go home to get warm.

a snowman drinking a slurpee!!

a polar bears toe-nails!

and my personal favorite.........
that Al Gore, and his ridiculous global warming, have dissapeared:-)))

From http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/18480737/detail.html?treets=det&tid=2658653163813&tml=det_12pm&tmi=det_12pm_1_10500101162009&ts=H

Big enough

"How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young - a place near your altar, O Lord Almighty, my King and my God. Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you. Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also covered it with pools. They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion." Psalm 84:1-9

This was the verse in yesterday's AllAboutGod.com, a very good devotional set in prayer format by Carolyn Baker. She spoke of being led to these verses because God whispered 'Sparrow' to her and this was where the search for sparrow led to. I felt compelled for different reasons.

I've tried to write about our destination; here it is called lovely, a place that is yearned for and cried out about in the hearts of the believer. A place near the altar of God. But, that didn't 'flesh' out….so the attraction, the pull, wasn't about the eternal destination.

I've tried to write about being blessed…..those who dwell in God's house, those who find strength in Him……but it isn't about blessings, something that I have been well versed in for the last six months, of being one of God's own.

The phrases that keep me coming back are:

"Who have set their heart on pilgrimage" and "go from strength to strength".

The journey…..a pilgrimage…….With a destination firmly known in the mind of the journeyer……

And something else……..

They....

You see, don't you, that we were never meant to journey alone. As I've said before, we were built for relationship; with God, with Creation, and with each other. When Eve was tempted, she stood alone…even though Adam was right beside her physically, he was silent and left her to fend off the devil alone. She failed, and so do we when we face the manipulation of the evil one..

God's enemy, and the usurper of this world, is intimately aware of us, for the distractions and dangers that lie on the roadside of this pilgrimage home are tailor-made for each of us...flesh-specific to each of us, even though the titles, types, and results are common. We often sit in judgment, thinking in our mind how could this person or that person fall prey to the obvious, secure in our piety that we would never do such a thing.

We look at the homosexual and point to the verses, and try to coax them into the light as they stand in the darkness…..instead of going into the darkness and helping them into that light. We look to the alcoholic and tell them to enter the recovery program before we start standing beside them with midnight phone calls and daily visits….for God has shown excessive drinking to be a sin. We decide that if a Christian smokes, they aren't worthy of grace and mercy…and we shun them.

Obviously, 'they', those sinners, 'chose' to sin, defiling the temple that their body is….all the while, we eat unhealthy. We distract ourselves from our sinful natures, still there after our salvation, because we don't want to face the fact that we are not all we can be within the brethren.

We fear relationships, because in the harsh and clear light of our faith, we are left still broken, still sinful, and are left to be judged by those near. The devil knows this; it is that protection and benefit of relationship that helps keep us upon the firmer ground, or pulls us back to safety when we wander off the road into the quicksand of sin's attraction. It is that relationship with brethren, that 'judging', that if done with love, compassion, and hope can break the bond of sin, even in the lives of other Christians.

The devil knows me very well, for we once were dearest buddies, it could be said......anything that opposed the church and its 'alleged' god….that was what I did. I've often said I have had the sinful life of Saul with the exception of not being directly responsible for the death of another.....thought there are no assurances, unfortunately, that I wasn't indirectly responsible for another's choices that led down that path. I pray that God provided protection for those that I interacted with during those dark days of my life.

Drinking in excess. A bit of drug flavoring to boot. Heavy self-injury……I would put myself in situations where the outcome was not favorable for continued living. I wanted to die before I was 30 and lived accordingly. I am not proud of what I did, and I am still working on the wounds both caused by others and self-inflicted. The devil has his file cabinet full of the methods of how to get through to me.
As he does with each of us.

He knows that he only has a limited time before he loses, so he has a two-fold purpose; to disrupt the children of God from enjoying the peace in this world that God gives and to prevent them from doing God's work; and to draw those he can so close to him that they are unable to hear God's children speak the truth.

We were not meant to travel alone, and we weren't meant to deal with the personalized sins and the attacks of the devil by ourselves.

It is foolhardy and the stuff of sheer folly to think that we can make it on our own, by our own methods, and be saved. Yet, religions that cater to that 'self' are gaining popularity, because there are no rules, no one can be hurt, and you can be isolated from others. It is better, this world says, to appear to be 'tolerant' than to disagree with someone and yet still love on em……

We live in fear, chastising ourselves because we shouldn't. We fear relationships, financial stresses, personal trials, and exposure to others. The devil has our number, creating in us the fear of being fearful; of God, of others, and of ourselves. Because in those things; fearing God, others, and ourselves; we find the greatest freedom and find the greatest source of peace and joy within the destructive nature of this fallen world.

We are to be, as a people in love with Christ, servants. To God, to others, and ultimately (when we do those two things) we serve ourselves, to become the people we are empowered to be through the Spirit. And it is that type of friend, to others, that we are supposed to be.

"And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, in meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; and that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will." 2 Timothy 2:24-26 (NKJV)

As a friend, as a Christian, it is not our job to convince someone of the truth, rather to stand firmly in "contention for the faith" and allow the Spirit to convince them. If we keep each other in this state of grace, accepting the person to whom God created and is desirous of relationship with, we can be those 'they' that have a heart set for pilgrimage and who leap from strength to strength in this journey to the shores of our ultimate home.

And we will make oasis out of this desert of sinful desires and self-protecting tendencies only if we walk with our hearts on our sleeves, taking our bruises and our cuts and bleeding for the sake of others without gain or agenda. It is those types of friends that will walk the distance with you, taking undeserved blows from and for you, and look at you with love and kindness because you are their friend and they will not stop that relationship.

I guess I'm rambling again. I've spent most of the week pondering these two verses, wondering what God is teaching me in this moment, in this time. With the trials recently endured and over, I wait with an unexpected eagerness for the next to begin; either personal or corporate or nationally. For the trials, I know, will come regardless of my faith or my proper stewardship.

It is my friends on this journey, my loved ones, and my God that will help me through…….

And that is why this last phrase from Carolyn Baker, AllAboutGod.com, hits home………..

'Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead , tell the storm how big your God is!'

With the economic stresses, I face an uncertain future at the job. I remarked that God will as God wills and a friend said, "A car is one thing. Losing your job is something totally different." I replied, with a strength found of the recent trials,
"My God is big enough."

Is He that big for you?

Monday, January 12

Visions.......

"Without prophetic vision people run wild, but blessed are those who follow [God's] teachings." (Proverbs 29:18 GWT)

In the last seven or eight months, I have been shown the beauty and the grace of God's provision for His children. People have responded in ways that I couldn't have ever imagined with financial blessings that have enabled me to secure a dwelling place, a vehicle (one replacing the one that was originally purchased after the accident), and provide some needed clothes for my son.

There have been those, too, who have responded with support through edification, active involvement, and prayer. Others have stepped forward to help me with situations, not with financial blessings, but knowledge and wisdom which are equally as valuable and timely as the other blessings were.

Each have taught me that God WILL provide for His children, in His TIMING, and according to His METHODS. Nothing that I have done affected the outcome; nothing I thought altered the course set by God for the provisioning.

I have learned the lesson I can see God teaching me, and yet it seems that a greater fear consumes me with that understanding. With great power comes great responsibility…..

I haven't been writing on my blog, not because I haven't had anything to write about. The testimony of God's provision and timing echo in the hallways of my life, and I have far less 'physical' possessions than when this season started…yet the spiritual possessions seem to have expanded. I am not suddenly a great theologian, no great giant of faith, nor am I suddenly finding myself in the ministry calling that I once pursued with a single-minded passion. If anything else, I realize in greater and greater detail as the days pass of my broken, sinful nature and the need of a Savior.

I realize that even in the storm of this life, my life speaks of an impact from God. The spiritual giants I walk among, towering above me to lofty heights, have benefited me far more than I have from the relationship we share and yet my story speaks, even without words.

George, author of Worthy Ministries, has provided another 'sign' from God that I am still to be about His purpose for me, even in a time where there is the greatest opposition to that purpose. I am in far less shape, in accordance to those to whom the power seems to be, to embrace and pursue that 'vision'. Yet, George speaks the familiar echoes of God's continuous prompting….." Has the Lord given you a vision? Has He given you an assignment to accomplish? Now is the time to lay hold of that vision and continue to fulfill your calling. It may not happen as you planned or expected…but be confident of this fact…that your work in the Lord is not in vain!"

Pastor Jim Combs, of the newly combined River of Faith (The River church and Faith Baptist merging congregations), spoke of true friendship in the last few Sundays, and of living in Friday-Sunday of the Passion week….with such notables as John, the beloved apostle, and John the Baptist, announcer of the Christ…..all things that I have been living out in the last three weeks.

Steve T. coming an hour out of his way to pick me up to get me to a coworker's house so I could get to work, Sam C. (that coworker) taking me to work and the following day all the way home, an hour drive from his house in GOOD weather, in the midst of a snow storm and helping me with car repairs on the new vehicle. K.B., stepping out in faith to invest in a brother. Others who sent checks to help with repair or purchase of another vehicle; all in economically stressing times.

Verses flying out of the devotionals and missives I read from a multitude of people; some with widely varying ideals of the very religion we 'share'. Prompting my focus away from the moments of my life and back into the very thing I have pushed to the back burner. As I remarked to a friend, this is not the time in my walk to walk into ministry. And yet, everything points towards a rededication of purpose, a fulfillment of purpose, and God's provision to be living that life of purpose.

There is a lot of talk about social awareness, about making the Gospel appetizing to the world who seems to be further and further away from it by purpose and choice as each day passes. There is a talk in the mega churches of broadening the horizon of the congregation of less teaching and more doing, even if that doing is sloppy and potentially harmful to the commission of Christ, which is girthed about the waist of any believer.

It is more about being a good citizen of the world rather than a solider in the Army of the Lord.

I guess I'm just babbling here today, trying to focus my thoughts upon what God is speaking. For generations, God has spoke directly to His people…..yet we still don't hear. We still don't do. We still seek alternatives to the plans and schemes of God.

But I feel fear; fear of letting myself hang out in that time of God's purposing and being once again judged 'guilty' by the tribe called mankind.

In my heart, I know that revival will be coming upon this world; the last, greatest revival known….and it will not be the mega that do it…..it will be the dedicated few, in pews of small congregations or on street corners in the 'rough' neighborhoods that will bring about the revival.

It will be you and me; with our stories and our testimonies. Living broken lives, fighting against the old sinful self, and failing as often as God succeeds that will be catalysts for the revival……in whispers and quiet conversations empty of agendas and purpose….our hearts speaking where only they can be heard and redemption will come to those who are hungry for salvation through the seasoning of the Spirit.

One last, great push for Mankind's attention……before the end.

Just my thoughts……

Friday, January 2

Believing in someone, even when they seem to fail

“Peter said to him, "If they all fall away because of you, I will never fall away!" Jesus said to him, "I tell you the truth, on this night, before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times." Peter said to him, "Even if I must die with you, I will never deny you."” (Matthew 26:33-35 NET.)

“When they had made a fire in the middle of the courtyard and sat down together, Peter sat down among them. Then a slave girl, seeing him as he sat in the firelight, stared at him and said, "This man was with him too!" But Peter denied it: "Woman, I don't know him!" Then a little later someone else saw him and said, "You are one of them too." But Peter said, "Man, I am not!" And after about an hour still another insisted, "Certainly this man was with him, because he too is a Galilean." But Peter said, "Man, I don't know what you're talking about!" At that moment, while he was still speaking, a rooster crowed. Then the Lord turned and looked straight at Peter, and Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said to him, "Before a rooster crows today, you will deny me three times." And he went outside and wept bitterly.” (Luke 22:55-62 NET.)

“Then when they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these do?" He replied, "Yes, Lord, you know I love you." Jesus told him, "Feed my lambs." Jesus said a second time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" He replied, "Yes, Lord, you know I love you." Jesus told him, "Shepherd my sheep." Jesus said a third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" Peter was distressed that Jesus asked him a third time, "Do you love me?" and said, "Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you." Jesus replied, "Feed my sheep. I tell you the solemn truth, when you were young, you tied your clothes around you and went wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others will tie you up and bring you where you do not want to go."” (John 21:15-18 NET.)


Peter, one of the three within the Twelve, who was one of the first called to a life under Christ’s teaching as He walked among the ones He came to save held a special part in Jesus’ eyes; one of the early leaders in the group, chosen possibly because Christ knew what would happen and what he would become in the beginning days of the Church that would be left in his care. Peter, who spoke with such passion and such conviction, weakened by his flesh into denying the man who he knew was the Messiah, the Chosen One, not once but three times….three early nails driven into the flesh of his Rabbi, his friend, and his Messiah.

What passion filled Peter’s breast as he stood in the twilight with his Savior? What noble sentiments filled his flesh as he thought of something that he thought couldn’t possibly happen; the death of his Messiah? But, as the story in Matthew continues, even Peter’s flesh was weak as he failed with the other two to keep watch over his Lord as He was tormented by the events to come. Christ knew that Peter would fall, He knew it with the certainty that He faced the Cross and the inhuman brutality that was visited upon Him before He even picked up the wooden beam used to bring about death to His human body. He knew it, predicted to Peter that a crow would sound off after the third and final denial. For one that He loved would be instrumental in denying Him, after so long together, is a betrayal upon betrayal. There aren’t many of us that would revisit one such as that in the triumph of our success.

Peter, either in sorrow for the death of his Rabbi, or what I believe a renouncing of his commission as a disciple in light of his denials of Christ when it seemed to matter most, announces in John 21:3 that he is returning to his earlier life as a fisherman. We know the sorrow and bitter anguish that Peter felt after what the Lord had predicted came true, with the added sorrow that (at least in Luke’s account) the Lord looked upon Peter’s face as he spoke the third denial, for he stumbles outside the court and weeps bitterly.

Yet, in the moment of His glory….in the revelation of His truth and the victory attained at such a high cost, Jesus doesn’t look upon Peter among the other disciples and mock him for the denials that hurt so deeply. He doesn’t ridicule Peter, who jumps out of the boat they were fishing from and swam towards Christ upon the shore…..his love and care for his Lord overcoming the comfort and patience to wait for the boat to return to shore.

I can imagine the tenderness that surrounded the words Jesus spoke to Peter after breakfast was finished….”Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Christ doesn’t use Peter, the name that He chose for him, but addresses the man sitting beside him in the dawning light……..”Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Nowhere to be found is the human bitterness that Christ felt when His disciple denied him in front of his peers. Gone is the pain caused by the failure of one of His apostles to declare the truthfulness of His words, His ministry, His very life. No, Jesus asks Peter three times, to the point where Peter felt the anguish of the questioning and acknowledged that only Jesus could know the truth, that resided in Peter’s heart. Even then, there is no “Well, if you do, why did you deny Me?” questioning in Jesus’ voice, no “If you would’ve only spoke, these things I had planned for you.”

Jesus restores Peter to his original vocation, telling him to shepherd His sheep; the young and tender part of the flock that would be entrusted to his care: weak believers, newborn babes, the bruised reeds that were not to be broken, the smoking flax that is not to be quenched. Telling Peter that he was to nourish and strengthen them through the feeding of the Gospel, providing comfort and care through the administering of Christ’s love, these sheep who were purchased at such a great and painful cost, given to Him through the power and justice of the Father.
His victory prize, more precious to Him than the life that had to be lost to gain them, was entrusted into the hands of one whom Christ knew would fall and become stronger in the end for it. Such declared love was given its powerful testimony, for there is no firmer or clearer proof of such love than to care for those to whom Christ came to save.

I feel, in this darkness of the twilight coming, that there are those who know me that are disappointed in me; for I have seemingly squandered the blessings that they bestowed upon me in the recent months. Maybe this is simply an reincarnation of my wounds; unworthy of the trust of others and unimportant in the schemes of the Kingdom. For I am a struggling, simple man who’s failures are longer than his successes. Who crawls more than he walks, and who has faced the apparent justification of lack of believing in because of his ‘bad luck’.

Five years ago this February, I heard the Shepherd call me back into the sheep fold; a clear and distinct voice filled with nothing but the purest form of love, compassion, and longing. That this black lamb, this smelly and foul beast would return to the tender care of the One who would and did die for him and him alone.

As He did for each and every one of us….whatever our profession, creed, or nationality. If only one of us would have existed on that day so long ago, He would’ve still accepted the brutality of our hand to pay the price for our salvation.

Five years ago this October, hearing that voice speak again, “This is what you will do for me” and the subsequent headlong rush into the fray to be bruised and knocked aside until the day I declared myself finished by the hands of man and unworthy for such a vocation as that, to serve as a shepherd for the flock, because who am I, but a simple and broken man.

Chris Garner, in The Pursuit of Happiness, said “When I would get an ‘A’ on a math test, I felt the dreams of all the things I could become. And, now older, I have become none of them.”

I wonder if that is what Peter felt when he declared that he would chose death over denial, the power of the capability to do such a display of love for one whom he truly did. And I wonder, if after he had uttered the last denial and heard that crow craw, if he felt as Garner did…the sorrow over what he didn’t do. And, I think that maybe Peter felt the overwhelming joy in the power of Someone who believed he was still worthy of the call, still valuable and cherished despite the failures and entrusted him with the treasures gained.

How many times have we ‘cut our losses’ when someone fails us; fails to live up to the vision that we have for them, fails to use what we have given them to use in a manner that we think they should? How often, in the church body, have we gossiped behind the backs of those who fall time after time to the point where we no longer believe that they will ever change, ever succeed, ever be what we think they should be?

When is that moment given to us, to stop loving and believing in those who cross our paths; to whom we are entrusted to strengthen, teach, and give comfort to? If we look at this powerful moment in the leader of the early Church, there is none. We can only continue to bring them back to the Cross time and time again and stand with them in the midst of their struggles as brothers and sisters; as members of the flock. As the creed of the United States says, “United we stand, Divided we fall.”

I can still feel my Savior’s gaze as He looks at me, standing at the gate of the enclosure, and the compassion in His eyes as He asks yet another time, “Jim, son of Ronald, do you love me?”

And I can feel the strength of my heart’s beat as I speak the words as Peter spoke so long ago……”Lord, you know my heart. You know I love you.”

Even if I go where I do not want to go.

Who is that one whom you know that has disappointed you or cause such great sorrow in your life? Do you still believe in them? Do you still walk beside them, seeing the vision of Christ’s love and sacrifice upon their embittered brow? Or have you left them far behind and count them as lost?

Jesus still believes in you. It is His belief in you; in what you can become for the Kingdom that sustains you in the darkness of the night. It is that power that He has given you to give to someone else.

The power of someone’s undying belief in another can work the miracles of God’s love and mercy.

Can you say with the conviction of Peter when Christ whispers to your heart, “Do you love Me?”

“Yes, Lord, You know my heart and You know I love you!”

Will you accept the care of His sheep?

Christ has never stopped pushing and convicting and empowering you to achieve what purpose He has for you for the Kingdom.

Can you do anything less to the sheep entrusted into your care?