Sunday, July 31

I am sure....

“If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men. But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead.” 1 Corinthians 15:19-20a

In Adam, all have died….corrupted from the original design by the original sin of Adam and Eve. There’s simply no way around it, there’s no smoothing the brutal truth of that fact.

We have been condemned to die because of the introduction of sinfulness and rebellion against God, just as Lucifer has been before us. But, unlike the continued demand of Satan to be a god and to be given more than his due, we have an opportunity to turn from the corrupted nature of our humanity and become secured in the righteousness of Christ. There is nothing we can do to change our lot as those alienated from God, nothing that we can entice God closer with and definitely nothing that we can bribe ourselves into His Holy of Holies with…….there are no shadows in which we can hide in to cast our eyes upon God’s wondrous Holiness without Him knowing. There is nothing we can do to sneak past His righteousness and hide in the alleys of Heaven’s streets.

We come to a place where we come face to face with the great I AM and either are destroyed in our evilness or transformed by the blood of His Son’s holy and perfect sacrifice.

Some are blessed to be broken enough, humbled enough and wide-eyed enough to realize the magnitude of this experience. These are the like of Piper, Chan, Mueller, Mullins and others, some well known and others, many others, who will never be world widely proclaimed but whom have inspired a few who have inspired a few who have inspired a few……and so on, like Lucy, The Robynsons, Rings, and Barlow. (If you want some background, buy Francis Chan’s Crazy Love).

Honestly, how much do we live in the ‘fearful’ shadow of those we have raised into idol status, even at the antithesis of those idolized, and limped along inside the protective walls of our communities that we label with inspirational names and gaze out the doors with blind eyes to those who stand outside the walls and reinforce an image of who we are with inadequate (or unfortunately, correct) information on ‘those Christians.’ Francis Chan quotes a friend who said, “Christians are like manure: spread them out and they help everything grow better, but keep them in one big pile and they stink horribly.”

We either brutalize the leadership of the church in our criticisms or we are ignored by the leadership of the church for our criticisms, there is no middle ground for those who would call themselves Christians. I have done so, and when I speak of the problems of the church –I used to speak of it in terms of ‘they’ and ‘them’ rather than ‘us.’ It has been a long journey away from that, because when I have done that, even when I have spoken truth in what I said, I have limited God and ignored what He has called me to do. It is funny, He never said that I’d walk in the door of the many churches or ministries that I have been blessed to experience and find the validation of the Call immediately or even a few years down the road. He simply said “I want you to do this for me” and then started to work on preparing me for that service.

Funny thing is, it wasn’t to ‘fix’ His church or to correct the nature of humanity to corrupt instantly anything that God inspires.
Nor was it to convince through action or deed my credentials to perform the fearful work of speaking God’s word to those of the family, and to live it to those outside of the family.

Abraham, Isaac, Joseph, Moses and Paul didn’t need specialized training to do what God called them to do, nor did they suddenly have theological degrees in the hermeneutics of Gospel presentation. They didn’t micromanage the churches they were part of or even founded, demand support and adoration from the people who followed them. They weren’t perfect in all aspects, but constantly broken in recurring aspects of their humanity over and over.

It wasn’t to lead in areas that I am told to lead or to emboss my weaknesses in other areas to resemble strengths. It wasn’t to seek affirmation or acknowledgment of God’s ‘Hand upon Me” or to find that someone that had enough clout to make things happen. It wasn’t to do a wide variety of things simply to be doing those things. It wasn’t to seek a niche and defend it with tenaciousness.

It was to do what He had purposed me to do, to seek His will in that place and to step out in a crazy, audacious and totally insane way of trust into that place where I was totally not comfortable and totally afraid so that He could step in and do through me what He wants to do.

Pretty humbling when we think about how often we don’t do that stuff that He’s given us to do.

We worry about the church and how much it has lost its effectiveness in the world that is growing more and more immoral and separated from God each and every day. We have those of us who have the conviction of their own twisted theology that take it upon themselves to inspire hatred of Christians through their hatred of those who are not, and others who can turn a phrase sweetly and with honey dripping from the periods who have dramatically gutted the reality of Christianity to be more conformist to the other religious movements that man has inspired to compete with God.

We look at the pastor who doesn’t speak as eloquently as another, or leads a congregation smaller than a popular four-campus church pastor and even demand a level of perfection in those who aspire to follow God’s prompting with structurally-generic goals that may be impossible or incorrect for them to overcome.

We give these things as excuses to not do what we are called to do because of the messiness of the ‘church’ and its attitude towards us.

We live in the foolishness of man rather than the impossibilities of God.
And the world pities us because of this disconnection.

If one Christian, one who lives what Francis Chan calls ‘thinking biblically rather than conventionally’ and being part of a body ‘where radical living is becoming the norm’, then we no longer have to fear what the church has become, because simply the church that is of man’s construct (business model, seeker model, model of the model) is changed by the Church that is radically living in eternal sight regardless of its inhabited spaces. A Church that is inspired by, convicted under and transformed in Jesus Christ.

Francis Chan walked away from a ‘mega-‘ to start a ‘plant’ and has never been happier. Even the mega was transformed by his willingness and genuine pursuit of a God who met him a few steps into that passionate pursuit with a relentless will to transform him into a warrior without a home, country or membership outside of His identity. Chan isn’t the only one, there are others who step along the road to that selflessness desire to be radically transformed.

Some end up wandering into the rock-hard soil where their own skills and passions (or wounds) have lead them into hardened ground and have misled thousands and others have been brutalized by their very own congregations because of their crazy schemes to follow God’s will.

I’ve stopped worrying about what others say to do, or what others refuse to let me do because of some scrapped together goals of the Christian leader. I have realized when I am in purpose, when I am doing the work that I don’t feel I can do justice to and living in the fearfulness of disappointing someone I seriously love, that then I am doing those things that others say are lacking here or not seen there. It’s why I desire to be there, to do that work, and struggle with my pride and insolence when I have to leave it behind because……..

I need to convince no one of my ‘calling’ to God’s purpose, nor do I have to fight for the right to do such things. As I grow in trust, inspired by love and girthed by grace, I can simply walk into the opportunities of God’s provision; still struggling with aspects of my faith that may never truly be satisfied this side of Heaven, and watch God show up to make His will be done, His inspiration known and His pleasure at the participation of His son in the work at hand.

There is no set model, no definite structure or required training that fits each and every one of us. There is the absolute Truth and its fruitful pursuit that is evidenced either in great or small ways in our lives as we no longer subscribe to limiting God to our standards but inspire to conform to His.

We belong to a God who so radically loved us that He GAVE us His ONLY Begotten SON, that no one who desired the gift of Salvation should perish but would know everlasting life, not in the future but in the realization of living radically in love with a God who shows us that life in real ways each day.

That is what I know for sure…….as Michael W. Smith sings…….

“I like to think about the new creation/Things that God will do/So every now and then I stop and close my eyes/I enjoy the view/And the heart grows strong/And the fear grows weak/And I cannot wait for the new world to come to me/And while I dream/Oh, I pray for you/'Cause He wants you to go/I know"


And I will live my life and my faith like I believe.....in the suretity of His authority, truth and love.

Thursday, July 28

Something of substance

“Little children, we must not love in word or speech, but in deed and truth; that is how we will know we are of the truth, and will convince our hearts in His presence, because if our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts and knows all things. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us we have confidence before God…” [1 John 3:18-21 HCSB]

“When you are truly in love, you go to great lengths to be with the one you love. You’ll drive for hours to be together, even if it’s only for a short while. You don’t mind staying up late to talk.” Chan writes, “Walking in the rain is romantic, not annoying. You’ll willingly spend a small fortune on the one you’re crazy about. When you are apart from each other, it’s painful, even miserable. He or she is all you think about; you jump at any chance to be together.”

Coming back from a journey, I got into an argument of sorts with the woman I was dating. We had spent the time in the ‘field’ doing God’s work and enjoying the blessing of His provisions in the ‘chores’ that He had called us to do for His glory. It was a great time to see the awesome desire and passion that this woman had for God’s work and to be able to support and join in that simple expression of God’s love. The argument was over my statement “I love you” that I refused to either confirm that I had said it or deny that I had. It wasn’t that I was trying to retract what I had said or that I didn’t mean it. It was because I didn’t want her to feel the requirement to feel the same. It is one thing that I have realized in the journey to here, that when I said “I love you,” it was something that I could never take back…..even to this day. No matter what the other person felt, no matter what happened to the relationship in the future. When I uttered those words, they were meant for forever and not just until the moment it ended. I have come to realize that it is why God tries to tell us about the covenant of marriage, of love, that is unbreakable and unending…..because we truly were meant to love only one as intimately as a wife or husband so that we could love everyone else with the intensity that Christ loves us…..even as He hung battered and wounded on the cross we nailed Him to.

God shows us throughout the Bible how to love. Pastor Chan points out that we need God to help us love the right way.

I can remember when I first felt God’s love for me and how it energized me, drove me to great lengths to ‘make time’ just to be around Him and how consuming that love became in all aspects of my life; jumping into the community of the church, spending most of my time and my family’s time in the church doing something, being something, or working on something for the sake of ministries and requests. Being desperate to dive into ministry when God placed that call on my heart and the agony that the last six years have been when I have been denied the ‘authority or ability’ to do what God has shown me is my purpose to do….and the utter that consumes me when I am doing that purpose to which I’ve been set aside and the passion that I have once I’m done for the moment to jump on the next opportunity.

George Bernard Shaw, the famous playwright, once wrote, “This is true joy in life, the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.” (Crazy Love, pg 109)

You can ask anyone who has had a love affair that has lasted the lifetimes of those two involved in it…..the familiarity that is offset by the inadequate amount of time that they have together, even in the moments when they are alone and the world revolves quickly outside the door of their home. The frantic worry that happens when something unusual happens to the other; whether it is simple (a flat tire makes them late) or whether it is complex (they discover they have cancer) until you can see them with your own eyes and gather them into your arms again. Whether it is to comfort or to embrace joyfully, it is that embrace that means more than the paycheck you make or the opera show you wanted to go see.

It is an affirmation of your value in the other’s eyes; spoken without words and undeniably true.

Why don’t we think of God that way?

With that kind of love, we’d be driven to the kind of things that the church that He left in our hands began right off the bat and saw droves of people come to the faith.

It is the kind of love that would speak the truth of homosexuality being a sin just as one being angry at another is or the fact that it is not a matter of being ‘right’ that drives us to speak the absolute truth that Christ spoke in regards to any other man-made religious movement that has consumed the world’s attention.

It is the kind of love that drives us to dream impossible dreams and become frustrated when we are told they are foolish, irresponsible dreams that God surely wouldn’t endorse.

It is the kind of love that sent Jesus Christ to the cross, cut off from the love and presence of His Father.

Thursday, July 21

All in or all out, there is no middle

“The LORD says: ‘These people come near to Me with their mouth and honor Me with their lips, but their hearts are far from Me. Their worship of Me is made up only of rules taught by men.” Isaiah 29:13

Through the first three chapters of Francis Chan’s book “Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God,” I was in a love-struggle relationship with this pastor. I loved the things he said that affirmed my opinions and thoughts about Christ, God, Christianity and the Church and struggled with some of the challenges he laid out in his videos and chapters of truly seeking to understand that God.

Then I hit the fourth chapter of the book and immediately I wanted to dislike or even be mad at Chan because it wasn’t simply a challenge nor a idea, he threatened my faith and dared me to jump off the cliff to grow deeper. “The American Church is a difficult place to fit in if you want to live out New Testament Christianity.” Francis Chan writes in the chapter entitled “Profile of the Lukewarm”, “The goals of American Christianity are often a nice marriage, children who don’t swear, and good church attendance.”

This I agreed on and Chan sucked me into the deep without my realization.

I didn’t even get off that page when Chan dares me….”Would you describe yourself as totally in love with Jesus Christ? Or do the words halfhearted, lukewarm, and partially committed fit better?”

It is interesting, as I grow more and more in my understanding (which is by no means ever going to be complete) of God’s identity…..which is the same as it was in the beginning of time, the more it seems I have to spend my time in dialogue with those who believe in the false religious systems of this world and man’s making correcting not the theology of following Christ but the incorrect usage of language, dialogue and logic.

Too often, what Chan says is the commonplace default of any Christian church, “worldly tolerance.” As I stall in the chapter 4 of Chan’s book, Crazy Love, I wonder if the church has become a breeding ground of ‘lukewarm Christians.’

And if I am in serious danger of becoming one myself with the season I’m experiencing.

It is interesting that God, being everything I know Him to be, is in no danger of being overwhelmed by the mystical religious systems that humanity has created throughout the ages; Hinduism, Islam, Buddhism and so on…..so many, even those who hide underneath the guise of ‘Christian’ faith but break the connection between God, His Word, His Spirit and His Mission….like the end-time professors who mislead many or the hate-filled protestors of the country’s heroic military at their funerals.

But He calls us to be ready to speak what we believe, to defend it, with kindness and love and the authority that we have as His children and Christ’s co-heirs. Often, we do it with an agenda of our own, to fill our pews and to prove we can handle the work. But, is that truly what it means and looks like to be engaged in the work of the great I AM?

It is easy to deflect from ourselves the attention of the verse above……but are we also ‘far from God’ in our hearts? And what does that look like?
I won’t break down what Francis Chan wrote in Chapter Four; the characteristics of the lukewarms, but they all point to a simple point.

You are either all in or all out.

There is no other religious system that creates such demand in such a way as Christianity does or readily exposes such middle ground straddling. You can separate most of the other human made and defined religious movements by the differences in the same theology that is exposed, but the universal (catholic…not to be confused with the Roman Catholic) church has foundational doctrines that cannot be ignored or altered but must be believed.

Dogmatic differences might exists but these are often on topics that go beyond the text that we know. I can walk into any biblically based and believing Church and find those foundations even if the worship and style of preaching is radically different from what I am used to. I can go to a different city and state, or even country and find the welcoming arms of family (extended eternal version) even though I have never met them.

Because we are all in, all pressing forward with a intensity and drive passion to pursue Christ and make Him known to those who engage in those false systems. With loving intensity and pure passion.

Not relying on our own opinions and agendas, but presenting the Gospel without alteration or abbreviation and then baptizing those who believe and training them in the faith. It’s not a hit and run, believe what you wish when you wish, but a mentorship that is for a lifetime. As we are grown, we turn and help others to grow.

There are some who this is a natural or God-given ability of discernment for finding those to disciple and those who are discipling them. For others, it is not. Do we leave those whom the natural ability to step into this discipling role has never been developed or do we arrange situations or point to people for them to engage and become invested in?

Are those who are weak in the discernment of disciples to mentor somehow lukewarm in their passions and love for the Messiah and God?

If I’m wandering from topic to topic and it doesn’t seem to make any sense or be connected in any way, I’m sorry. The last month has been a blend of all these various things and it seems to be culminating in Chan’s descriptive of ‘lukewarms.’ Which is why I’m stalled here.

I am challenged to things I am not feeling God’s demands on, but is it because of my own lukewarm desires or because I am passionately engaged in where God is leading. I am being questioned about the authority of my beliefs, as based on an authority beyond my own, and my willingness to speak them but am I doing it out of a sense of superior righteousness or resounding love? Am I truly following with everything I am or reserving the best for the lean times?

These are things that have me stalled and have me burning the campfire late into the night.

Even Francis Chan admits his characterizations aren’t all-inclusive or even a litmus test of whether or not we are truly Christians or simply ‘lukewarm water.’ As he points out, the bible tells us to examine our faith and test it. Pastor Chan says “We are all messed up human beings and no one is totally immune to the behaviors [of lukewarms or any other characterization in other chapters].”

“However,” he continues, “there is a difference between a life that is characterized by these sorts of mentalities and habits and a life that is in the process of being radically transformed.”

After all, Jesus didn’t follow His Father’s will in a lukewarm way and He doesn’t offer us that option.

He tells us to “Take up your cross and follow Me.”

Monday, July 18

You are no longer a child

““Ah, Sovereign LORD,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am only a child.” But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a child.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD. Then the LORD reached out His hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “Now, I have put My words into your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.” Jeremiah 1:6-10

It has been a harsh couple of weeks as the job searching becomes more and more defeating each and every day. The ‘dream job,’ that one outside of full time ministry, seemed to be in the basket as I had applied to the posting and actually, for once out of the 500 some odd job applications to the State of Michigan, received a call back. I was set for an interview for Monday, July 11th at 11:00am in Jackson Michigan and was really looking forward to knocking the socks off the panel I would be going before. This was a position that the Veteran employment assistance officer told me on our first meeting was made for me, with my chaplain background and other service-related skills. It was a position that she introduced me a few months back as “this is the guy” to the state-level director and the area-director of the Veteran Affairs Department of the State of Michigan. It was, to borrow the phrase….”in the bag.”

Someone I knew was in the hospital, shockingly hit with some complications that even they didn’t expect, and I was on the way to see them. The Area Director for the Northern Michigan Area for the Veteran Affairs called me and asked the question that would destroy everything…..”Do you have 60 college credits?” Turns out he couldn’t even have them interview me without them, which I only had 24. The ‘dream job’ was gone. And then I received a text from friend informing me that my family and I were asked not to come and see the hospitalized person. The combination, more complicated than what I’ve alluded to here, was enough to send me in a tail spin. My post on Facebook said it all,

“Tomorrow I go and pick up the suit that I was dry cleaning for the interview I no longer have because of the 'paper' requirements I cannot fill. My life, my testimony and my faith are all based on my experience and experiences that I have had in the forty-three years I've lived. Does this mean that my faith, my testimony and my life are useless?”

The LORD sent my brothers to my defense; to comfort me and to give me the moment I needed to get my breath back. Funny thing is, most of them I’ve never had the opportunity to meet. We have been friends on Facebook and a few other men-ministry websites. But they didn’t hesitate to come to a brother’s aid and surround him while he was gasping for air.

A few days later I found out that another job was denied me because of a DUI I had received some 15 years ago. The supervisor for the contractor who provides the bus service for the Ann Arbor School District, among others, said I was “Jeffrey Fieger” lawsuit material if something were to go wrong. Jeffrey Fieger is a well-known and somewhat flamboyant lawyer who has defended or prosecuted several high profile cases as well as a failed attempt at the Governorship of Michigan. I couldn’t believe it.

Apparently God is the only One who forgives and wipes the slate clean. Yet, He put humans ‘in charge’ of His church and even they said I wasn’t ‘qualified’ to be a full-time minister in its hallowed walls. To say I’ve hit the lowest point in my life, especially since my eternal one began that February day, would be the understatement of the year. Even when I was homeless, even when I attempted suicide and even when I found out that someone who ‘loved’ me also gave that to someone else…..nothing compared to the blows that have hammered me the last few weeks.

R.C. Sproul is quoted in a book that a dear brother in Christ sent me with the admonishment to ‘underline, pray, think and write about’ what I would read. Sproul says, “Men are never duly touched and impressed with a conviction of their insignificance, until they have contrasted themselves with the majesty of God.”

“Crazy Love; Overwhelmed by a Relentless God” written by Francis Chan (with Danae Yankoski).

Some books capture your attention and draw you into the path the author desires….and you feel happily fed as you stroll along the journey. Others leave you empty and lost, wondering if you’ll ever get the moments you spent on the dribble back or if its simply lost in the sands of time. Then there are the books that you wish you hadn’t picked up because the truth exposed leaves you fearful, delighted, worried, happy and so many other gambits of emotion that you are exhausted just reading it…..

and that’s only by chapter three.

Chan doesn’t apologize, for that is his very intent to bring you to the point where you identify with the secondary title…..overwhelmed. He even says, “This book is written for those who want more Jesus. It is for those who are bored with what American Christianity offers. It is for those who don’t want to plateau, those who would rather die before their convictions do.”

Those who are overwhelmed by a God who is relentless.

I have discovered the improbable, impossible and predictably unpredictable dreams of God’s purpose for me. I have faced the impossible wall of human rejection of what that dreaming produces. I have come to realize that life will never be comfortable on a human level pursuing a God-level purpose. And it has brought me to my knees; in fear and in overwhelmed awe.

Chan expressed my crippling disappointment in the job market, the ministry field and interactions with those who are as human as I……

“This dissatisfaction transfers over to our thinking about God. We forget that we already have everything we need in Him. Because we don’t often think about the reality of who God is, we quickly forget that He is worthy to be worshipped and loved. We are to fear Him.”

A humbling in this place. But even now, as the forces array against me and my brothers, even as the sky darkens in the tempest of the storm and even as my strength flees me, I know. I am no longer a child, no longer swayed by foolish things and foolish thoughts. I don't serve myself or man, I serve a mighty and awesome God.

And He is worthy of all praise.