Saturday, June 27

The God of the improbable......the God of impossible.....

"I am a God who is everywhere and not in one place only. No one can hide where I cannot see them. Do you not know that I am everywhere in heaven and on earth? ….. The prophet who has had a dream should say it is only a dream, but the prophet who has heard my message should proclaim that message faithfully. What good is straw compared with wheat? My message is like a fire and like a hammer that breaks rocks in pieces.” (Jeremiah 23:23-24, 28-29 GNB)

My campus pastor, Pastor Cliff, sent me a reply yesterday about my email to him about the body being tapped by God to open doors by which things might be changed in my situation; financially, employment and family. He said that “Sure, that was a possibility….” And “For the record, I didn’t say you should move away but in the absence of God’s open doors, you should explore all the avenues.” The burden is still on my heart that I’m supposed to be in Holly for the season in which I am on this journey…..and it is the Body, not the Band, that is supposed to walk in this journey with me for this time…..and the invitation has been soundly rejected under the nice automatic Christian responses. It is no matter, it would seem, as God whispers things in my ear and calls me…to a dream surrendered and a far bigger hope than I could’ve imagined for His service.

The dream that I’ve had where God is calling me out of the country of my birth and the country in which I have spent the whole breathe of my life of forty-one years in is as real as the seat upon which I sit, the computer I type this on and the other sensory data that comprises my world. It is alive, evolving into a sharper, concise and frightening (to my former self, which still seems to squeak its fearful disappointments into my mind) picture of what it would shape up to be….a church plant, teaching the godly masculinity that I’ve been shown, with the radio station “gospel hour” utilized to reach those who think Christianity is just a part-time, Sunday thought religious experience instead of a evolving, living and changing lifestyle that demands its voice to speak of the wonders that have been found and the love that is experienced. Powerful disciples who stand in the garden of their gifts and produce amazing fruit.

God brought me to Jeremiah 23:24 today…..”No one can hide where I cannot see them. Do you not know that I am everywhere in heaven and on earth?” God is omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent. “The Septuagint and Arabic versions render it, without the interrogative, "I am a God near, saith the Lord, and not afar off". The meaning is, that God is alike near in one place as in another; which is a very great truth; and a very comfortable one it is to the people of God, to whom he is near in all places, and at all times; he is a present help in time of trouble; he is near them, to hear their cries, and grant their requests; he is near to give them assistance in a time of need, and to deliver them out of all their troubles; to afford them his gracious presence, and to indulge them with communion with himself; to communicate all good things to them; to speak comfortably to them; to take them by the hand, and lead them in the way everlasting:” John Gill writes about this facet of God, “He is at their right hand to uphold them with his, and to strengthen them with strength in their souls; to advise and counsel, and direct them; to rebuke their enemies, and save them from them that condemn them;” and indeed there are no people like them, who have God so nigh unto them, in all things they call upon him for; and though he may seem at times to be afar off, and stand at a distance from them; when he hides his face; withdraws his gracious influences; does not appear at once for their relief in distress; but suffers them to be afflicted in one way or another; yet in reality he is not; but is nigh unto them when they call upon him.” That is why I have the simply complex statement, “God is………” on the display screen of my cell.

God is……

And it appears that He is showing me that He is the God of impossibilities and improbable things. And the dreams I dream are too small to fit within the scope of what He would do with this broken and fearful man. He is a far bigger dreamer, far bigger provider and a far bigger visionary than I could ever imagine Him to be.

Once again, as with the original small scope of the Call that I had back in October of 2004, comes the walls of impossibility….the realistic (in terms of human involvement) improbability of fruition….and the passion without outlet. The “God will as God wills” statements of the past seem hollow and empty….and inadequate to describe this disappointment and moodiness that pervades my soul. Once again, it is the consequences of my past that come full circle to put me in a place where it would seem it is improbable that God could want to use me in that way; as a missionary to any country, let alone a foreign one.

Maybe this is an effect of my story; dreaming impossibilities so that I can prove the declaration of my father that I’ll never amount to much more than a garbage collector (no offense intended to those who are) and only then if they take pity on me. I have many of those dreams; writing a published book, being a counselor, going to the University of Michigan (Go Wolverines!) in pursuit of a degree, finding that one true love that will be with me, fight for me and leave only when the Lord calls them home. It everything I’ve done, both before God and after God, has been a failure. Family, finances and ministry all never seem to settle into a routine of successful operation that many within the Body claim and so many declare is the mark of a ‘true’ believer. Life is simply a step by step recreation of desire, faith and near disasters that haunt the sunlight of my days. Many will say that this is because of the presence of sinful pursuits in my life, others that I am not applying the knowledge and truth of God to the struggles that I face and only a few, a very small few, will look at my life and say those foreign words (to many a Christian’s vocabulary)……spiritual warfare, “You, my brother, are under attack.”

Some say I’m a walking testimony to God’s grace, mercy & forgiveness and would be a great minister while others just laugh at me quietly behind the masks of their ‘Sunday’ dress and utter the automatics of “I’ll pray for you”, “God will as God will” and the shadowy, ambiguous “Follow the ‘yellow brick’ road” mantra of sitting back and watching what happens. Living life on the edge of peace, joy, happiness and still proclaiming God even when the faith is low and the heart is beating slower with the passion is not a realistic Christian, born of the blood and redeemed of the Lamb. In the quietness of their darkness, shielded from the ‘brethren’ and even themselves, their greatest fear is to stand before that White Throne of Judgment and be told it was all a ‘joke’ and the universalistic, human-induced reality of ‘love, peace, tranquility through the power of your minds attraction’ was the way to go…….the lifetime spent in dogged pursuit of God was nothing more than a race they didn’t have to run. They are so fearful of starvation that they’ll eat any fruit, declaring it good and tasty as the bitterness and rotten flesh of the fruit slides down the gullet of their illusion and corrupts their new soul with its enticing aroma and peaceful deception.

Very few will walk the miles and miles of this journey close to starvation, on the edge of spiritual death, clinging to that hope of finding food….gorging themselves on it when they do…and stumbling on….brought once again full circle into that cycle of starvation, hope, substance. “Rinse and repeat” people of the darkness, their spiritual lights cloaked in the filth of its stench for the clandestine missions for those deep in the enemy’s hands. Living on the edge between being accepted within the human institution of corporate church and being accepted within the secularized world…..being more than they appear to be, taking on the illusions of those they are trying to reach without becoming what they are trying to save. A living, breathing testimony where the hand of God is visible beyond denial, is evident beyond all explanation other than faith and is lived peaceful in peace’s absence sustained only because of the hope that is undeniable, a promise that cannot be broken and a God who holds their hands even in the disobedient times and calls them to account, calls them to forgiveness, calls them to His work even after failure and loves them where they are while enticing them to go beyond the logical, the mystical and the corruptible into a pure, righteous and joyful relationship that they will never achieve in the lifetime they live on this world.

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It is these people who walk into the wilderness without a clue of their path, guided only by the word of God to go…to a land I will show you…with their families in tow, trusting on a promise given in the foolish reality of life of something beyond life’s capability to give. Who walk into a dream with no provisions and leave a legacy of orphanages that have led generations of abandoned, thrown-aways through a realized life of love without limits, compromise or costs. Who have left sermons of their testimonies that inspire and guide countless generations years and years after their deaths with the same message, the same notes led by a voice long since silenced upon the air of this world but preserved to be carried by faithful servants and supporters into the void of the world. Who leave their multi-zero salaries and get into a travel trailer to go where God leads and trust in His substances, His direction and His promises. Those who follow in the footsteps of greater men and carry the vision into the fruition of God’s covenant despite other’s disapproval and disbelief. It is those people who stand before Christ and ask for Him to move in their lives; finances, health, family, worries….and say they believe, yet cry out for Christ to help their unbelief.

A people who trust in God to provide, giving what they have been given into the hands of another without question or condition, based upon the direction to which God spoke to them. Who are weak but not pushovers who will believe the whispery and hollow promises of false prophets no matter how ‘good’ it sounds, who bring themselves into account well before the mobs can be formed (and the Christian church has its mobs) and face their persecutors with honor and dignity, assured this worldly invention of human-judging-human in the spiritual warfare of life is of no consequence and the judgers will someday be the judged, by the standards and rigidity of their own standards. A people who live by a rock-embedded foundation that forms the spiritual house of their souls, fit to be changed as the architect provides new innovations, new ideas and clearer eyesight to the craftsman.

A people who’s faith goes beyond the ‘smooth, lulling and deceitful message’ of the false church, the false prophets and worldly influence to judge the theological and doctrinal by the faithfulness of the Word, unchanged, unaltered and alive under the hand of its author, inspiring the hands that wrote it and the minds who were heavy with the need to write the eternal into the temporal. A people who follow a Truth that is enlightening, living, full of the warm embrace of love, and a penetrating depth that consumes them to speak, seeing to disrupt the enemy and shatter the illusions of his lies but is uncomfortable, dreadful and convicting even to them but ever more so to those wicked and unclean in the world who run from it with no hope of finding peace from its presence that invades “heaven and hell…..earth and the seas…..” as John Gill puts it…..to the utter ends of the earth or the recesses of the human mind. As God says, “I can see your falsehoods, no matter how well you think you cover it, and at that moment of its commission.”

A people who live by the truth of Hebrews 4:12, “For the Word of God is quick and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword.” When these people speak the Truth inspired and authored by God, sinners are convicted and converted by its power, disciples are drenched in the thirst of the Word and convicted with the commission's call and a world is transformed against impossible odds and improbable hopes.

I face the same closed doors, the same hardened and shallow hearts that have plagued the continued desire to answer the call, to be shaped in the forge of the Master Blacksmith, into the sharp, doubled edged sword that pierces my own heart when it is weld for the battle that is joined. Willing to be wounded, destined to be killed and only desiring that one more soul, one more heart, be transformed by the powerful testimony of God's grace, mercy and love in the life of this redeemed sinner.

I am not one who speaks prophecies, though I do believe in the power of God to bring such pronouncements to His people through the god-fearing body of His children for the edification and supplication of them. I don't speak tongues, but believe that there are some who speak what God would have another hear in a way that brings Him glory and undeniable authority to thus communicate with His people. God is still working within the lives of His people in the miraculous ways He has and continues to do, it is not my experience that dominates such belief, but the Word of God alone.

I also know that prevalent in the westernized and culturized 'corporate' church of today, there are many more who speak in prophecy and whirl the empty words of their own brokenness as God's words….and there are those who induce within themselves for their own distortion a language that bears no understanding because it is the fevered attempt of a sinful humanity to mimic God. The harvest work that the Lord has prepared is ripe for gathering but the workers are few.

That said, I will speak my dream to paper, not for the edification of human agendas of agreement or approval…..but for the fire brought by the righteous and the mighty God….so that it would be shaped not by my desire but the desire of His movement and work within my life to be an effective, passionate and equipped servant for His kingdom purposes. Casting it free from the confines of my inner most into the light of His being, so that He might walk into the formation and preparation of such movement and declare my discernment of God or not……I’ll speak the completeness of the vision given to me that day in October, it’s content and structure unknown and unrealized fully and completely at that time, as God took my reluctant agreement and began shaping me for that fullness.

This is a part of my story, its formation and the groundwork for the purposing of it at this moment in my life shaped and molded even in the sinfulness of my denial of God and the bitter war waged against all that His children claimed to stand for, from long ago. A realization long ago realized, upon that February day so long ago, that even in the midst of my rebellion, God was there….drawing me back into His arms and working for His purpose my life to be a living testament to His grace, mercy and love….above all, His love. A friendship borne of the wrong beginnings that has continued to develop throughout the ups and downs of my life even as our paths wandered down separate paths and the experience of a culture from the eyes of one of its people from a personal level that speaks to my direction in the years since my rebirth.

The utterance of an idea put forth as a half-joke. The beginnings of a turning towards the breath of life. The collection of talents, skills, spiritual gifting and passion brought together under the clarity of vision, causing that the essential click of God’s purpose for me within the context of God’s larger story…..and the startling confrontation with the very essence of my fears, known and worked by the enemy for the purpose of preventing the promised joy and peace of walking in such a grand tale. When God beckons to us to move into His work that He is doing, we must change….facing our greatest fears through the crisis of belief that is endured and overcome through faith and experience.

Dare I utter it for the disapproval of the Body, that westernized component of the misguided, mislead and self-serving of the Church that has given itself over to the cauterization of its faithful execution of God’s mission? Already, in its very ‘hopeful’ speaking to those around me have it been met with utter disgust, verbal reproof and even marginal acceptance…..no edification from those faithful within the Kingdom that would be a quiet assurance beyond the nagging and utterly unreasonable (in light of this world’s reality) of its reality. It has been a dream of mine, secular in its origins but surrendered and claimed for the Kingdom upon my rebirth. God is everywhere and He calls His children to greater things than they believe in their comfortable world of familiarity.

A distant land…….Paul had his Rome…..

I have my Australia…………

It is my vision that I go to Australia as a foreign missionary. There are many ways this seems both possible and impossible. Most missions in the Outback seem to focus on ‘indigenous’ missionaries, those who live in the country and are from it’s citizenship. I am not one that would be eligible for those missions. Others seem to want some other qualifiers that I don’t have. So, the method by which God will make this vision happen are yet to be discovered…….He simply tells me to prepare. First and foremost is the passport……..from there, God will answer His provisions to the source of the way that I will touch upon Australia’s soil.

One way that I seem to keep returning to is to become an foreign exchange student, to a missionary-focused college in Sydney to study. This study would equip me for the purposes of ministry within the country of Australia, emerging me and my family in the cultural climate there while I pursue a degree in Pastoral care. Sydney Missionary & Bible College would be the place of such studies, having the capabilities of meeting my family needs and pursue a full, in-depth study of theology under the cultural aspects of the people that I have the vision of ministering to once the degree is earned. But that is a very large dream that, like many things, has a rather impossible sized price tag.

I would pursue a Bachelor of Theology (BTh), which is a three year full-time undergraduate degree program offered for students without a prior degree (it would take nine years of part-time study to complete) and be equipped to be a full-time pastoral, evangelistic or Bible teaching minister for Christian ministry in Australia (as a pastor, assistant-minister, or student worker while in school). Entry into the program who be based on maturity and practical experience as well as a application of the IELTS (International Education and Employment English test) in which I would have to score a 6.5 average with no score under 6.0 in four categories of tests. The College does have family lodging and the overall cost of each year of study would be 20,000 aus (15,000.00 degree costs, 5,000 in books and other related cost) in addition to the basic needs of a family of three (child care, food, clothing, etc.).

Upon graduation, if not provided for before, I would seek a ministry position in Australia where the origination of this desire began and seek to establish and minister to a local nondenominational, bible teaching and discipleship making church that teaches men to be godly men, women to be godly women and families to seek God's will and purpose in their lives and pursue such in the battlefield of the world. In a nation who, as my friend describes it, is not much for religion….this is where I believe God would have me go for a season. Beyond that, the vision isn't formed, for I know that I would have to be ready upon the prompting of the Spirit to go where God would have me go, do what He would have me do and trust in His wisdom, grace and mercy to make the journey both fruitful and purposed for His kingdom. Wherever He would call me, if indeed the life we struggle with and the world we stand against is finally reclaimed by the return of our King and Messiah.


Maybe this is my journey into the lands where God would have me shine the brightest for His glory….much like Paul did after his Damascus encounter….disappearing for three years until Barnabus sought him out in Tarsus…and the missionary journeys began…..to lands far away….and eventually back to his native country “in chains.”

There are worries that wash upon my shores daily, problems that make this more of an improbability that reality…..and there are those who will say its running away or its for incorrect reasons, but I have faced that before and God has still called me into those places to which others would not believe He would dare….to speak for Him, to testify through the movement of my life to His glory, His mercy and His peace. So, believe or not…

Let my Paulian journey begin………………..I speak His vision for my purpose today….and until its fruition in His greater story…….

Wednesday, June 24

Moving closer......

“When Jesus finished telling these parables, he left that place and went back to his hometown. He taught in the synagogue, and those who heard him were amazed. "Where did he get such wisdom?" they asked. "And what about his miracles? Isn't he the carpenter's son? Isn't Mary his mother, and aren't James, Joseph, Simon, and Judas his brothers? Aren't all his sisters living here? Where did he get all this?" And so they rejected him. Jesus said to them, "A prophet is respected everywhere except in his hometown and by his own family." Because they did not have faith, he did not perform many miracles there.” (Matthew 13:53-58 GNB)

A brother in arms…… one of the warriors out in the world who is fighting in the hand-to-hand dirtiness as we continue towards that moment in time when Christ lights up the sky and reclaims what is His by righteousness and original craftsmanship……replied to my blog about moving into that unrealistic, unforeseen realm of God’s possibilities and reminded me of a few things that I had forgotten and reassured me to follow God in where He calls, provides and entices.

“It seems to me that God is definitely leading you in a direction that the world may never understand……………no-one can know the will of God for his life like the man himself, who is truly seeking after God. You are doing that my friend, and I stand beside you in battle supporting you and praying for you. If you feel you are where God wants you to be, then press on my brother. God will show you the way - every step of the way! I am reminded of the journey Abraham took when God first called him……………….. Be faithful to your calling. Let me know if I can pray for you specifically in any way. And may God richly bless you (as it appears is already happening) as you continue to follow in Christ's footsteps.”

When I mentioned the struggle against the ‘fellowship’ of believers regarding the call to a few teammates of mine, they quipped “You should be on TV, there’s a lot like you out there on TV.” I think they meant well, but it was another example, to me, of the unbelieving responses I have been getting for the last four and a half years since that moment at Willow Creek. I’m not seminary trained, not endorsed by a church body and don’t have the financial ease in which to pursue such a wild vision. My life isn’t neatly wrapped up under the illusionary umbrella of ‘spiritual awakening and renewal’ and the story I have to tell makes others quake and quiver………

And, in the westernized culturized Christian movement, such things are the ‘approval’ markings that are too often looked for as a ‘god-approved’ adventure. No consideration is given to the story of the declarer, to vett out the human-response of ‘agenda’ and see the visionary and unrealistic (in the world’s eyes) goals of God’s in the calling. We, in this culture, like our pastoral leaders trained under the same apologetic, denominational or emergent veins…….having connectable points to the larger picture. When the rogue comes and disrupts that preference, we get upset. When God doesn’t send us someone who doesn’t fit into our preconception of what ‘annointed’ of God should look like, we move away from God’s story and become self-serving in our own stories.

As my friend reminded me, Abram must’ve been a bit fearful and nervous about the calling to depart from his family, his friends and his countrymen and go where…no specific location given….the Lord would lead him. Yet, he packed up and went. God isn’t in the business of comfort and easy living….to have such an existence in this world would mean that you are so aligned, so covered in the world that the illusionary things that you feel are comfortable, easy and unstressful appear real to you……until God provides the impus to show you that such things built upon the world’s standards are anything but long-lasting and eternal. They are as fragile as dreams and as deadly as temporary fixes. And, if I’ve learned nothing more about God than this; when He purposes you, He calls you into the biggest of your fears, discomforts and weakest ‘struggles.’

I think that’s not because God has a desire to break you down into your most simplistic of molecules but rather that it is because that is where the enemy has concentrated most of his energy because he knows how powerful and effective you would be with your life, calling and faith aligned with God’s larger story. How much more quickly his time would end because of the multitude of the faithful spread out all over the globe who were aligned with God and working with Him in the pursuit of the kingdom plans. With intimate knowledge of what your purpose is, why wouldn’t he build the protection against you ever fulfilling it? Fear, doubt and even intimidation are merely his tools.

Henry Blackaby and Claude King, in their study Experiencing God: Knowing and Doing the Will of God, say that when you receive an invitation to join God’s work in the world around you, there is a crisis of belief….that point where you focus on yourself…in the selfish human manner that we all recognize as the genesis of sin…instead of God. As they write, “God wants to intercept those lives. Suppose He wants to do it through you. He comes to you and talks to you. But you are so self-centered, you respond, ‘I don’t think I am trained. I don’t think I am able to do it. And I…..’…..the focus is on self. The moment you sense God is moving in your life, you give Him a whole list of reasons why He has got the wrong person or why the time is not right.” Like Moses, "I am nobody. How can I go to the king and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" Exodus 3:11 GNB) and "But suppose the Israelites do not believe me and will not listen to what I say. What shall I do if they say that you did not appear to me?" (Exodus 4:1 GNB).

Moses, in the story of God, was not the ‘right’ man for the job when he was the son of the daughter of Pharaoh….with all the degrees and pedigrees that would’ve made a easy road to change from within the empire…..and where the power and movement of God would have been harder to see and easier to disown. But, in the desert as a simple shepherd, Moses had no degrees to fall upon, no elegance of mouth, nor the ‘pedigree’ of the empire to rely upon to open the doors where he needed to go. And, once God made it clearly apparent to him that he was the one to go….he had no choice but to either answer in the affirmative or deny God.

God has shown me that He can answer the three biggest fears I have that would be unavoidable if I became a missionary….to Australia or anywhere else….

Relationships, Confrontations and Provisions.

If I became a foreign missionary, I would need to be in relationship with the church leadership in the area I serve as well as the community…no missionary can be sustained without it. Confrontation? To go to a country where the topic of religion just isn’t that important would be a breeding ground for ‘confrontation.’ And provisions? I wouldn’t, as a foreign national, be able to do a ‘tent-making’ ministry like Paul but would have to rely on home support, and the support of the community which I serve.

Which makes this both repelling and enticing.

The new song out on the Christian airwaves just has captured my attention in this place of where I am;

Closer to Love by Mat Kearney

She got the call today, One out of the gray. And when the smoke cleared, It took her breath away. She said she didn't believe, It could happen to me
I guess we're all one phone call from our knees

We're gonna get there soon

If every building falls, And all the stars fade. We'll still be singing this song, The one they can't take away. I'm gonna get there soon, She's gonna be there too

Cryin' in her room, Prayin' oh, Lord come through


We're gonna get there soon

Oh, it's your light, Oh, it's your way. Pull me out of the dark, Just to shoulder the weight. Cryin' out now, From so far away. You pull me closer to love....Closer to love

Meet me once again, Down off Lake Michigan. Where we could feel the storm blowin', Down with the wind. And don't apologize, For all the tears you've cried. You've been way too strong now for all your life

I'm gonna get there soon, You're gonna be there too. Cryin' in your room, Prayin' Lord come through. We're gonna get there soon.

Oh, it's your light, Oh, it's your way. Pull me out of the dark, Just to shoulder the weight. Cryin' out now, From so far away. You pull me closer to love....Closer to love

Cause you are all that I've waited for all of my life. (We're gonna get there) You are all that I've waited all of my life

You pull me closer to love.......Closer to love. Pull me closer to love (You are all that I've waited for)
You pull me closer to love.......Closer to love. Closer to love (Cause you are all that I've waited for)
Closer to love…….Pull me closer to love

Pull me out of the dark, Mat sings, just to shoulder the weight……..we’re gonna get there soon….. these are the things that hit me out of the silence….God’s work pulls me closer to His love and brings me out of the comfort of my misery to the uncomfortableness that exists in walking with Him in relationship…burdened by the weight of the mission and kingdom building to be wounded and persecuted…to be peaceful in unpeaceful places and comfortable in uncomfortableness……for the sake of the Lord and the fulfillment of His plan as experienced in His story.

Then Carolyn Baker, of AllAboutGod.com, sends this as her devotional for today:

“He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be His God and he will be My son.” Revelation 21:7

“Lord, I soar on eagles wings this morning recognizing the great privilege You have given me of being called by You - for Your purposes. I soar above all the fears and doubts, and claim for myself and all who pray this prayer, a new freedom that comes from recognizing a new day is dawning.” Carolyn writes in her prayer, “ I am so grateful Lord that You allowed me to take a good, hard look at my own fears so I would recognize the counterfeit strategies Satan was using to cause me harm. The greatest message ever preached is going to be heard around the world. No matter what happens in the physical realm of our lives, all Christians were created to move in this great purpose. We all serve differently but not one of us is immune from the cry of the Savior’s heart.”

Carolyn concludes in her reflection part of the devotional some powerful, and all-too-familiar (to me in this enticement), statements from our Father:

“We all have a high and holy calling on our lives. Complacency, comfort, fear of man – all of these counterfeits need to be surrendered at the foot of the Cross. Your life is of so much value that Christ gave His own life for you. Do not waste the opportunities you are given. Every day in your path there is something to be done for His kingdom needs. If you are not recognizing this truth in your life, you are not seeing with the eyes of the Holy Spirit. Ask Him now to free you so you can see with His eyes, hear with His ears and think His thoughts with your mind. That is true freedom. When you walk in this truth God will use you – in spite of yourself to accomplish His purposes in and through you. You need the Holy Spirit to accomplish this goal. Pray to Him – submit to His ways – then be prepared for a manifestation of Christ’s glory to shine through you.”

God has shown me a glimpse of what He wants to do, and has shown me the provisional strength He has to make it happen. Now is the time I face, as all those who are called in specific and unique ways, to make my declaration:

To Join Him in the work He is doing completely or to decline and thereby show the depth of my faith and belief……..

My faith is too strong, even if it is the size of a mustard seed, to deny and my belief has been fortified by faith and experiencing God in the other immediate areas of my life…..

I must accept the challenge to join Him where He is at and draw closer to love………

Tuesday, June 23

"In a pit with a Lion on a snow day"...lessons garnered from another

“Benaiah, the son of Jehoiada, a fighting-man of Kabzeel, had done great acts; he put to death two young lions going into their secret place; and he went down into a hole and put a lion to death in time of snow. And he made an attack on an Egyptian, a very tall man about five cubits high, armed with a spear like a cloth-worker's rod; he went down to him with a stick, and pulling his spear out of the hand of the Egyptian, put him to death with that same spear. These were the acts of Benaiah, the son of Jehoiada, who had a great name among the thirty men of war. He was honoured over the thirty, but he was not equal to the first three: and David put him over his servants.” (1 Chronicles 11:22-25 BBE)

A co-worker with whom I have some theological debates from time to time hurried over to me Monday morning as we prepared to work and said, “Who was in charge of David’s bodyguards?” I couldn’t come up with a name, although I knew the exploits of the Mighty Men of David and their existence….men who came to him as ‘men in distress, in debt and embittered in spirit,’ (1 Samuel 22:1-2) numbering 30 among about 400 men of similar dispositions and did great deeds under David, their Captain and future King. We tried to find the reference that my friend had heard, but couldn’t so I asked him for the church’s website to see if I could pull the sermon or audio off the site to study this suddenly perplexing question and see where God was leading me in this. I sent the pastor a message requesting sermon paper or audio.

Pastor John Lane, shepherd of the Bedford Free Methodist Church in Bedford, Indiana, was quick and gracious in his response…..apologizing for the technical difficulties with the audio that caused no recording to be available but who was nice enough to send me a copy of his rough notes for the sermon, prepared for Father’s day and entitled “In A Pit With A Lion On A Snow Day.”

The name that escaped me was Benaiah, which means “Built up by Jehovah.” He was son of Jehoiada, the chief priest, who was set by David over his personal bodyguards of Cherethites and Pelethites (2Sa_8:18; 1Ki_1:32; 1Ch_18:17). The Cherethites, as a people, were the inhabitants of Southern Philistia (Philistines) and many believe they were the ‘executioners’ of David’s decrees. The Pelethites, as a people, were believed to be another group of Philistines and are only mentioned in conjunction with the Cherethites. The word is believed to mean “couriers or runners” and it is that function that many theologians attribute to them. Both groups were standing with the enemy of their countrymen, protecting the very source of that army’s strength and power……in human terms. And Benaiah was the captain of them…in charge of this powerful young man named David. This service would extend to David’s son, Solomon where he would appointed as ‘commander-in-chief’ of the Israelite Army. From a ‘broken’ refugee to the most powerful warrior in the entire nation’s army…..all under the leadership of a man ‘after God’s own heart, built up through the work of the Holy Spirit…..

As I read Pastor Lane’s notes, a powerful sermon for the fathers of the modern age, the image came to my mind of the movie 300, in the opening moments of the tale where the one-eyed solider speaks of the Spartan practice of growing warriors….mighty and powerful warriors….by throwing them out into the wilderness. A young leonius, future King of Sparta who would stand against Xerxes of the Esther tale, is armed with only a spear and is set upon by a mountain lion….he is hungry and cold…..and afraid, to a degree. He uses his terrain against the beast and triumphs, skinning the animal and returning to his people victorious. Much like Lane speaks in his sermon, the focus of which is the defeat of the lion in a pit on a snowy day…..fear is felt but not allowed to control the actions and desire of the young warrior (Benaiah as well as Leonius). The spirit within the young Spartan demands and empowers him to stand in the face of overwhelming odds….The lion is mightier in mass and strength, speed and agility….to overcome this certainty of death. He becomes the King who can command three hundred warriors to stand against a sea of thousands upon thousands of enemy combatants in the assurance of death’s embrace.

In our wilderness, thrust out (unfairly it may seem) by God and similarly apparently alone, we face our lions in the barren harshness of the worldly landscape armed with only a spear…..hungry, cold, tired and our limbs laced with fear…..with only the hope to keep us warm and the spirit’s prompting to move our feet as we stumble backwards against the oncoming assault of the massive beast of our sinfulness……seeking a way out, a salvation that seems will never come…..and, as the beast snarls in unholy rage at the mountain sides that prevent it from reaching us, its prey, striking with a true and desperation-driven thrust……and returning home victorious, our testimony speaking of God’s provision, strength and hope given to us in our need. Too few have only one or two wilderness experiences that drive us into a more dependent and intimate relationship with God….others, like me, require more……much more….coming out at the end something greater than we could ever be without the repetition, servant-warriors of the One, True King.

Benaiah faces his wilderness ‘shaping’ in, as Pastor Lane points out in the biblical text, the form of two Moabite warriors (their best, no some run-of-the-mill conscripted warriors), an Egyptian 7 and ½ feet tall armed with only a ‘stick’ while that giant carried a ‘spear like a weaver’s rod,’ (Lane offers a visual comparison…..Shaquille O’Neal is 7 feet 1 inch tall with a wingspan of 7 inches and a reach of 9 and ½ feet standing) and a lion (Lane gives us some stats; common foe of shepherds in that day, 8-10 feet long, 416 average pounds, capable of 50 miles an hour in short distances and a roar that can be heard 5 miles away) in a pit on a snowy day. From the man represented in 1 Samuel to the warrior declared mighty and his feats proclaimed in 1 Chronicles and then Commander-in-chief of the whole of Israel’s armies in 1 Kings.

As Pastor Lane points out, Benaiah teaches us that we are not called to safety, avoidance of fear or even a 'comfortable' retirement in this life, as men. Our attempts at establishing a boring life of safety, avoiding our 'wilderness experiences' wrought with fear and seeking a life of simple comfort in the elder days of our lives are foolish to attempt and absent of God's enticement to join Him in the work He would have us do. The goal of masculinity, of all of God's children, is to be faithfulness Lane points out….encountering our lions (those situations that we'd like to avoid but need to be confronted). In a life pleasing to God, we must face the best of the Moabites (modern day representation….lusts of the flesh…), our giants (the worldliness of Egypt) and the lions (Lane quotes 1 Peter 5:8 "your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion"). How do we, as broken men who haven't had an example per se of godly masculinity, be a Benaiah?

We each have our Davids in our lives. We each have our 'three mightier men' that even our best cannot match. Men who have heard the yearning of their David's and sought out the simple desires in the face of overwhelming odds, showing a faithfulness to David and ultimately to the God he serves. Men who fight their battles with lions, giants and the fallenness of the world with the throbbing passion of faith…..Israel's God, David's God, their God….the True God…..is alive and victorious yesterday, today and tomorrow. Men who move in the face of overwhelming fear, certain defeat and looming death to walk in the purpose of God and perform the work to which He calls us all.

Though my exploits aren't even close to the mighty deeds performed by my 'three' and my spiritual leadership cannot even come to measure against my 'David', I stand counted by these men as one among them…..…the few who girth themselves in the armor of the Lord and step into the world to bring the truth and light to all who are stained in the darkness of their sins and the blindness of the enemy's grasp. Men, who recognize that the battle isn't of a physical nature but a spiritual one, and who move despite the fear to face the enemy. A band of brothers, who fight alongside each other, living a life unsafe, robbed of comfort's laziness and struggle fully in the light of day in faithfulness to be examples for themselves, each other and those they know in the darkness of night. For the wives to which they must live, the sons to which they must teach, and the daughters to which they must represent godly manhood in the ordained, created and designed model that God sets forth in the Word.

Men who don't claim superiority, but humility, in these efforts to live a godly design. Men who, like the mighty men of David's time, speak not of their exploits nor boast in their victories but simply move as God has called them to, without claiming the glory that is God's alone but with the intentionality of providing Him with the testimony of that Glory. Men who live what they believe, represent what they have faith in and empower the generations to come with the truth.

I know who my David is, who the 'three mightier than the mighty men' are, and even the second tier of heroes that walk in the landscape of this world…..and there are my brothers in arms who stand with me in the spiritual battles that men were built to fight; to bless those around them.

I will not fear, I will not run and I will not turn from the struggle to be an example to my children of the man God made me to be. Will you?

This morning, when I went to the website of the church, I was impressed with the ‘motto’ if you will of this distant part of the family of God (in physical distance that is)…..”Empowered through Christ, we will Serve, Save, Strengthen and Send” Serving the community, introducing saving faith to others, strengthen believers and sending loving people into the world to ‘repeat’….it is seldom that you see such an impactful statement in the churches of this western culture today and it would be interesting to see how effective they are being in faithful execution to their god-purposed mission. There are so few churches that are empowering the body with the good fruit of the Gospel that the masses are surrendering to the bondage of the enemy just to be able to eat unclean food. The Bedford FM church’s website is www.bedfordfmc.org . I’d recommend a look and a visit if you are in the area.

Monday, June 22

Automatic Christianity

“Some people soon brought to him a crippled man lying on a mat. When Jesus saw how much faith they had, he said to the crippled man, "My friend, don't worry! Your sins are forgiven." Some teachers of the Law of Moses said to themselves, "Jesus must think he is God!" But Jesus knew what was in their minds, and he said, "Why are you thinking such evil things? Is it easier for me to tell this crippled man that his sins are forgiven or to tell him to get up and walk? But I will show you that the Son of Man has the right to forgive sins here on earth." So Jesus said to the man, "Get up! Pick up your mat and go on home." The man got up and went home. When the crowds saw this, they were afraid and praised God for giving such authority to people.” (Matthew 9:2-8 CEV)

I met with my campus pastor this Sunday past before the commencement of services for the congregation. It was the only time that he had, what with the upcoming move into the building and the host of other circumstances and responsibilities that befall a pastor of a growing congregation. With the work that God is doing within my life as He molds me to be an effective instrument in the call to His service and entices me to join Him in the abundant work of the harvest of which He has planted, nurtured and is preparing to harvest, I felt the need despite the other ‘negative’ responses from the church family to sit down with the pastor and speak what God had burden me to bring to his attention. Pastor Cliff is a dynamic and energetic man, with a passion that burdens his heart and has brought him into the position to which he serves the membership of the church. His brothers are also pastors, of the mega-church Northridge. His story would be interesting to hear, for the formation of the man lies within the story of himself. And I have come to know that there is no one upon the face of this earth that has not been wounded in a way or has been affected by the story of their past. It is either realized or not, redeemed or not, in the context of the larger story of God.

Maybe I shouldn’t have said that I disagree with the apparent ‘building over people’ pursuit of the church in regards to the purchase and acquision of the property; Christ could’ve very well have demanded His disciples provide Him with shelter, food and other amenities that would make Him comfortable, yet He forewent such for the people…it was always about relationship with Christ, and still is today. And as Christ Himself said, ‘I can only do what I’ve seen My Father do.” So, if Christ was relational, then so must be His Father…and when a church limits itself to make the finances look good for capital building, when a body focuses more on the funds to furnish and remodel the ‘worship center’ of the new building, postponing a valuable outreach to pregnant teens in the local community…..well, I wonder if it is just another example of temple building and not a vision of God that has been suborned to man’s timing.

As I told my pastor, I am not in the leadership of the church and do not know all that is there in the process of this ‘vision’ and I am fully trusting in God that if, indeed, this is against His timing, plan or vision that He can redeem it and bring His full disagreement into undeniable focus. It is not for me to decide, though I will speak what I feel God leading me to do.

That said, I tried to give the pastor a bit of background to my story, for truly we cannot walk into a relationship with our brethren if we do not know their story and so it is vital, at least in my opinion, to know something at least of our brothers and sisters stories so that we can ask the questions that God would have us ask; What is He doing in this person’s life? How do I help this person grow closer with Him in this? I came to the pastor to speak a need and to see what he, as the leader of the church I attend, would say…what actions he would take….and simply to fulfill what I felt God leading me to do; speak out my need to the brethren and leadership of which I’ve submitted myself under. And, please don’t read into this, but the pastor offered more than what I thought he would and still gave me what I have come to expect within the body…..an automatic response.

If you have read any of my previous offerings to you, you know of the journey that I find myself on; one of rediscovering the beloved son that was murdered at the hands of his own earthly father so long ago so that I can become the father, the elder and the man that God has designed and purposed me to be. You will also remember the situation that brought me to the village of Holly and within the congregational body of the church I have taken membership with for the season that God has presented me with in this small ‘hamlet’ of Michigan. The hope and prayer was that God would provide the method and the position in Flint, so that I would be closer to my new home that He had provisioned for.

With the self-destruction and government intervention of GM and Chrysler, such hope is long beyond the hope of being resurrected, at least for the time being, and so I spend an hour driving to work and another hour and a half traveling home each day. With the loss of my friend’s above and beyond offer to help with the babysitting of my son, things have been hard. The children’s mother, with the loss of her father a few months past, has been pursuing work herself, so the typical summer stay with her has become problematical to say the least. The situation seems untenable, and so I went to the pastor with the need in hopes that he might know of a family or a couple that might be able to move into this need and provide some assistance.

And I genuinely feel that the pastor heard my need and gave some consideration to the capability of the body to fulfill, at least in the short term, it. He offered to bring it to a few people to see if there was a ‘grandmother’ type of member that would and could be willing to step into this for the time. All I would need to do is provide for the funding that their care would require. As for the longer term, the bigger picture, he gave the statement, “Though I am not in the habit of recommending that someone move out of a church, it would seem with God not opening the door here in Holly (i.e. job) that you should move closer to your job and/or a situation where it can become tenable.”

In other words, I should move back down south near family, friends or into a situation where my work hours and school hours are closely matched. It was, in his mind, the only solution and indicated direction that God had given for the situation.

But, even in the study that I'm doing with Henry T. Blackaby and Claude V. King Experiencing God: Knowing And Doing The Will Of God, such statements seem like an automatic and impersonal response to the personal trials and struggles that I face. Indeed, it is not only the pastor who has said it, but some of the brothers I am in ministry with. But even then, it doesn't seem to sit with what God seems to be doing in and around my life in the little village of Holly in the state of Michigan. Far from it, to me and in relation to my story, the opposite seems to be desirable of God's focus: the body moving into relationship with me rather than me seeking relationship elsewhere among another body. As one friend said, it seems almost as if by recommending movement away from the church I call home, it would create the ability to ignore the missed opportunity rather than dealing with the messiness of being in a relationship with a human being on a personal, real level.

As I've quoted from Blackaby and King's book, George Mueller (who built four orphanages that cared for 2,000 children at a time and over 10,000 through them distributed over eight million dollars provided through prayer and died with a net worth of 800 dollars) said of his method of knowing God's will:


"I never remember…a period….that I ever sincerely and patiently sought to know the will of God by the teaching of the Holy Ghost (Spirit), through the instrumentality of the Word of God, but I have been always directed rightly. But if honesty of heart and uprightness before God were lacking, or if I did not patiently wait upon God for instruction, or if I preferred the counsel of my fellow men to the declarations of the Word of the living God, I made great mistakes."


Unfortunately, we seem today to require that God provide a clear and concise 'door' for us to move into rather than sitting patiently upon His revelation of what we are to move into. And God doesn't promise that the situation, position or job that we are led to is going to be easy or unsupported by others….He calls us to trust in His provisions and move in spite of fear.

I find myself not looking at the 'requirement' that God has provided in His silence as a need to move away from the church or the community in which I live, but am burdened by the sense of wonderment that God isn't looking to provide an 'open door' because He has already done so…..the door remains obscured because the people or group or church that He has appointed the task to is largely silent and automatically looking in the opposite direction.

Not through some vain attempt to ignore what is painfully obvious but because they automatically are looking at what hasn't been provided instead of looking into the situation, circumstance and seeing what God has provisioned for already.

Whether such a honest and God-seeking look would provide another response, well I think it is obvious what I think, but until such is done, can we really say that God has closed the door in Holly for the reason so automatically given?

Honestly, I think we can't.

The body met in the temple and each other's houses, fellowshipping and eating together….selling what they owned to give according to each need…without question, without hesitation….it is only when the humanity of the early church was brought into the spirituality of the early church that the corruption that we see in too many of God's fellowships today started. Circumcision debates threatened the harmony that once flowed like honey…and it set Paul and Peter into conflict that was resolved by one man's refusal to move into the 'automatic' response by aligning himself with the 'elder' apostle in his sinful error.

As the verse above hit me in the devotional time I spent today before hauling my children down to their birth mother's house on my way to the job……Christ asks, "Is it easier to say….or do the act…." And it is by the authority to do the more visible (albeit from a human perspective, the more difficult) of the two that He proves His authority to do the less evident of the two, but the more important. He didn't do the 'automatic', though I am sure that there were those around this event that knew He had done it before…….He moved into the non-standard expectation before He fulfilled the obvious.

And this isn't the first time Christ does it and isn't the last. So why are we, as His people, so bent on automatic responses to the brokenness of the world? And how much more effective, healing and a living testimony would we be if we moved in non-traditional, more personal responses when it came to the lives of those brothers and sisters in our immediate church family and the lives of the broken to which we are called to minister?

God is working around me…..am I the only one who is noticing? Or does my personal story affect my vision slightly to where I am missing the point of God's work? All I know is that as I grow closer to God, the more I realize He isn't an 'automatic' God…..but a living, breathing and involved God who calls His people to be non-standard in a world in chaos, to go into the darkness to save souls rather than run from it, and to be willing to die in order to live.

Sounds like a pretty none standard response to me………

Thursday, June 18

The world grows smaller as the dream grows bigger

"And when they were on the way, a certain man said to him, I will come after you wherever you go. And Jesus said to him, Foxes have holes and the birds of the air have resting-places, but the Son of man has nowhere to put his head. And he said to another, Come after me. But he said, Lord, let me first go and give the last honours to my father. But he said to him, Let the dead take care of their dead; it is for you to go and give news of the kingdom of God. And another man said, I will come with you, Lord, but first let me say a last good-day to those who are at my house. But Jesus said, No man, having put his hand to the plough and looking back, is good enough for the kingdom of God." (Luke 9:57-62 BBE)

God's commission doesn't sit well in the modern westernized Church model...which seems so far from the model of the Church that Christ left in the hands of His disciples some 2,000 years ago. More and more churches are more concerned about fancy temples, big projects (called capital building projects) that do little within the communities in which they rest. Evangelism becomes a 'big sign' and 'full parking lot' rather than one-on-one relationships. Pastors become favorites rather than the word that is preached. Outreaches become single-minded and sharply focused upon one group, one bracket or one direction.

The numbers look good, the finances attract investors who 'loan money to visionaries' and the Word (never to return void) goes slowly silent as the faithful are guided into the postmodern 'self' message of love, love and love.....the lies and philosophies of man become hazy and semi-biblical in their utterance but totally void of their fruitfulness, until it becomes the 'Word', leaving more and more of the mega-churched empty and abandoned to fall prey to the growing malaise that paralyzes a people into 'voting' for a immoral change, speaking less against a culture in chaotic destructive mentality and a rejection of those who would speak the Truth in its unadulterated, non-respecting purity.

Go out to all the nations of the world and tell them the Gospel, making disciples becomes an inward focus on keeping what you have and calling the community that lies stagnant a focal point of God's blessings, the Word proclaimed and the lesser 'dirtiness' of life is conveniently swept under the table that sits on the stage.

Disciples lose their zeal for the passion of Christ and opt instead for the relative comforts of Sunday school and cookie-cutter programming for the ministries. Challenges once issued to the leadership under the passionate convictions of a man or woman of God, even if in opposition to the leader's chosen direction, fall upon the ears of the discontent as they have been silenced into submission by the congregational love feast with their pastoral leadership. No one really questions anymore, for questions are not welcomed within the halls of the faithful and the glittered temples of mega. It is better to fade into the quietness of contemplative silence and forego the desires God stokes within the flame of our faith.

Most churches preach a doctrine of peaceful contentment, relative bliss and relational complacency that one has to dull their hearts in such condition so that the mudanity of their lives serve as a balm for the discontentment that boils beneath the surface. This is why I believe the mega-, emergent- and postmodern churches are the most popular today.....it soothes the discontentment that a life seeking Christ, knowing God and being counseled by the Spirit causes, the disruption and the fearful reliance upon a faith that is never stagnate, never satisfied and constantly challenged.

As John Eldridge says in The Sacred Romance, "While our hearts grow in its capacity for pleasure, it grows in its capacity to know pain." The Church, in trying to answer the painful experiences that its congregations are facing actually helps to silence the growth of its members....calling them to a mundane numbness that nullifies the growing sense of painful disconnection to a world that moves further and further from the precepts of its Designer and Creator.

"As the Lord gives you truth, acknowledge it and allow HIM to guide you through it. Don’t try to do anything on your own. Our walk with the Lord is a continual realization of how we need to grow in the image of the Son." Paul Ferree, American missionary and writer of the blog "How To Become A Missionary", writes as he and his family travel the United States where the Father leads, "We simply recognize our errors and repent, or trade our ways for the Father’s ways. Turn from the way we do things and do things the way our Father in heaven instructs us to do them."

As I sense with growing wonder and competing fear the grand work of the Lord within and around me, and the evidence that shows a preparation to the impossibility of the direction that......my preconceived perceptions of what my service to the Call would shape out to be. These are shattered upon the rocks of disillusioned fantasies, exposing the utter foolishness of a future built upon their fragile and simple frames. The assured, peaceful disruption of following the 'walk of sorrow' that characterizes the journey of Christ from rejection to condemnation to the crucifixion promises a grander context, greater works and stronger persecution in ways that I immediately want to reject as foolishness and point out their improbability.

It no longer seems ironic to me that as I look into the chaos of my disrupted life and all of its trials, tribulations and stresses that I find more and more Word being delivered upon the platter of my supplication for God to speak. From a multitude of sources; devotions from separate ministries, words from others (and not just necessarily 'faithful' ones) and an inter-relationalish to events in my life.

Today, from the Ransomed Hearts ministry of John Eldridge, author of Wild at Heart, as well as other fantastic books, comes a devotion that referenced Psalm 119:25. I've quoted part of Eldridge's comments from his book, The Sacred Romance, already...but God chose to expand upon Eldridge's offering with the verses from 25 through 38.

"I am at the point of death. Let your teachings breathe new life into me. When I told you my troubles, you answered my prayers. Now teach me your laws. Help me to understand your teachings, and I will think about your marvelous deeds. I am overcome with sorrow. Encourage me, as you have promised to do. Keep me from being deceitful, and be kind enough to teach me your Law. I am determined to be faithful and to respect your laws. I follow your rules, LORD. Don't let me be ashamed. I am eager to learn all that you want me to do; help me to understand more and more. Point out your rules to me, and I won't disobey even one of them. Help me to understand your Law; I promise to obey it with all my heart. Direct me by your commands! I love to do what you say. Make me want to obey you, rather than to be rich. Take away my foolish desires, and let me find life by walking with you. I am your servant! Do for me what you promised to those who worship you." (Psalms 119:25-38 CEV)

My heart wants to cling to the 'comforts' of this life that has taken so much effort and suffering to achieve, even at this level. It wants peace, grace, mercy, love and above all, hope in such degree that its undeniable. It wants evidence of healing, restoration and an visible 'outward' sign to point to as evidence of my spiritual growth in His purpose. Yet, by clinging to that desire and the resultant chains that it creates, I become bound by the declarations of others.....more beholding to their perceived and unknowledged agendas. God doesn't move where we chain ourselves willingly but calls us to break those chains and live 'on the edge' of His cresting wave of life-giving water......straining in those places where our worst fears lie, unprepared and uncomfortable....God has already prepared us for those things, just as He has already restored our corrupted bodies, yet the journey is realizing that in truth in its entirity, something we will never fully achieve until we reach the point of Christ's return or ours to our Heavenly home

God doesn't ask us to 'fit Him into our life' but to surrender our life over to Him so that we can fit into His story, His life.

"But more than anything else put God's work first and do what he wants. Then the other things will be yours as well." (Matthew 6:33 CEV)

Even in the fluidity of my current situation; finances, location and family struggles.....my time has been less focused on what God is doing in my world, in the life around me, and more focused on the miserable attempt to 'maintain' this lifestyle's 'status quo' at least, with the hope to improve it beyond the difficult position of being fully dependent on God's timing, provision and direction. My devotional time, as reflected in my blog postings, has been stagnant and full of silence.

But, in the last few months, in ever increasing ways….God has brought undeniable proof of His provisions and of His conditioning for the Calling He's given. Not in the hallowed halls of the Church, nor the venerable cafeterias of the aging saints. By becoming vulnerable to God, I am realizing the folly of my limitations…..as if God is big, but not big enough for my situation and problems. He is working in my life in ways I didn't realize, amid the painfulness of letting go of the old…..and it is the strength He has added to my faith that makes it still cling to Him despite no assurance of anything.

Oh, I'm not fully free, if I ever will be, but God is still pointing the way and whispering words of preparation for a world that He's opened for me to journey in with His Truth, His Mercy and for His Glory. The dream, though personal and unique to my perspective, is expanding beyond my wildest imaginations.


Paul Ferre's website is www.paulferree.com that is his 'tent making' conjunction to his ministry. His blog, how to become a missionary is at www.howtobecomeamissionary.com . John Eldridge's devotionals are sent from the website of his Ransomed Heart ministry that you can sign up for at www.ransomedheart.com.

Wednesday, June 17

Following the work God would do.........

I don't know if this is going to be a 'smooth' flowing blog post today.....God has me in such a disrupted state that I just let it go......The harvest, He keeps whispering, is ready and the workers few, will you join Me where I call?"

"Thus says the LORD: “Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls”" (Jeremiah 6:16, ESV)

Dare I hope that the day has come where I see the positive movement of God within the context of my story, no longer at the behest of the writer but through the hand of the Ghost writer that has been writing the whole breathe and width of the human story since its inception at the breath of God into the formed lump of clay?

If so, the vision is unlike the shape and color of that moment in October where I heard the LORD speak to me as Gene Apell stood upon the stage at the mega-church of Bill Hybels and spoke of his ministry; neighborhood communities. Being so newly minted into the new creature that God enables upon rebirth, I find it funny sometimes how convinced, convicted and even 'rejectful' of that moment in time, a scant eight months since the experience that would forever change my life's direction and would bring me into full view of the enemy's ill will, that I was.

It surely hasn't translated into assurance, edification and mentoring in the whole-wide body of Christ, even five years plus later....except in those 'pockets' of believers that have stepped into the messiness of life and seen the mark of God's annointing, that band of brothers, and sisters, who move into the messiness of life with more than just words of life but a positive movement that speaks louder than words could ever convey.

A faint glimpse that powerful October call seems to be now; the width and depth of the need within the body of Christ, not just worldwide but especially within the 'hallowed halls' of the westernized church that is slowly dying in the postmoderistic, universalist and agenda-ridden environment of the American experience has never seemed to be more in need of those faithfully called to ministry and yet so rejectful of those so called. "A prophet is not welcomed in his own town" has rang true throughout my experience here at home in the land of my birth.

The barely understood journey from the beloved boy that God created who was killed in his infancey to the godly man; still forming, still growing and still wounded as he faces that death and finds God's restorative, resurrecting power even in the midst of his past....testifies to the mighty works the Lord is doing within its confines and the broader scope of its use for the Kingdom.

It seems to be the mode operandi that God has used in my life; a simple question, a scriptural reference, or even a study that, once considered, becomes a moment of choice that becomes a journey of learning, seeking and realization that becomes a clear vision of God's working in and around me in my life...wherever it is and how ever it has been lived......that becomes a desire to declare its clarity in the lives around me and then another question, simply put, that brings me full-circle into the process.

Sometimes the process is seemingly effortless, those simple truths that cascade through the moments like a waterfall....one simply gives in to its powerful truth. More often though, the process is very difficult, exceedingly painful and in its entrity not all that much fun....but it is like a stream, still of the same element, but slower as it whittles the hardened rock to its eventual collaspe.

And, in the darkness of human despair, depression, loss, struggle and tribulation when the dark fluidity of the night seems to press upon me with the liquid heaviness of blood, I find the strength born of fear, faith and an undeniable hope that causes me to reach out to those things I fear the most for substainable substance in the midst of it all. Other men, relationship and community.

It is still a source of amazement to me at the power of God in the controlling and issuance of His word from the mouth of another brother or sister that, even in its actual context, speaks different words to each of those He has touched to be compelled by its utterance. Recently, my current home church completed the process of securing funding and the ownership (with mortgage) of a parcel of land where the Lead Pastor has envisioned a dream for God's work in the Holly Area. The pastor called upon the congregation to be a participator in God's work, not a spectator.

"One day Jonathan the son of Saul said to the young man who carried his armor, "Come, let us go over to the Philistine garrison on the other side." But he did not tell his father. Saul was staying in the outskirts of Gibeah in the pomegranate cave at Migron. The people who were with him were about six hundred men, including Ahijah the son of Ahitub, Ichabod's brother, son of Phinehas, son of Eli, the priest of the LORD in Shiloh, wearing an ephod. And the people did not know that Jonathan had gone. Within the passes, by which Jonathan sought to go over to the Philistine garrison, there was a rocky crag on the one side and a rocky crag on the other side. The name of the one was Bozez, and the name of the other Seneh. The one crag rose on the north in front of Michmash, and the other on the south in front of Geba. Jonathan said to the young man who carried his armor, "Come, let us go over to the garrison of these uncircumcised. It may be that the LORD will work for us, for nothing can hinder the LORD from saving by many or by few." And his armor-bearer said to him, "Do all that is in your heart. Do as you wish. Behold, I am with you heart and soul." Then Jonathan said, "Behold, we will cross over to the men, and we will show ourselves to them. If they say to us, 'Wait until we come to you,' then we will stand still in our place, and we will not go up to them. But if they say, 'Come up to us,' then we will go up, for the LORD has given them into our hand. And this shall be the sign to us." So both of them showed themselves to the garrison of the Philistines. And the Philistines said, "Look, Hebrews are coming out of the holes where they have hidden themselves." And the men of the garrison hailed Jonathan and his armor-bearer and said, "Come up to us, and we will show you a thing." And Jonathan said to his armor-bearer, "Come up after me, for the LORD has given them into the hand of Israel." Then Jonathan climbed up on his hands and feet, and his armor-bearer after him. And they fell before Jonathan, and his armor-bearer killed them after him. And that first strike, which Jonathan and his armor-bearer made, killed about twenty men within as it were half a furrow's length in an acre of land." (1 Samuel 14:1-14 ESV)

An exercise of the heart, like Jonathan's boldness in the face of an larger foe, doesn't start with worldly and human motives, but speaks of a boldness of the faith within; we know the brokenness of the world, the depravity of it and its soothing way of destruction, yet we live in a state of peace...worship...and blessing because our Lord is real. We mourn for the world, speak into the darkness because of this awareness and proclaim through the worship of our lives the Good News of the Lord. We don't ignore the enemy at our gates, nor do we wait underneath the relative comfort of our church walls and offer burnt sacrifices to cover our inaction.

As we were taught to pray, the desire of the children of God should be nothing more than to do the will of the Father on earth, by whatever means necessary without the compromising of the tenents and commandments that already exist. It is that desire that is so dominant in the bedrock of our foundations that we don't think twice about what He speaks, but have brought it into the light of His purpose and are given a peace about its truthfulness. A Participator, as my pastor would say, rather than a spectator.

"Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven." Matthew 6:10


This desire doesn't seem to make sense to others, yet many have left the comfort of support, security and familiarity at great personal cost to follow the Lord's will in their story. When we fail at the duties because of our own foolishness, disbelief or fearfulness, we hurt.....not because of our fear the Father but because we love Him so much. We rush headlong into the world where our Father is working around us, as John Eldridge points out, "out of desire" as Jesus did, "for the joy set before Him." The depth of His desire to be where His Father was, serving alongside His Father and bringing His Father that joy that comes from His child, indeed all of His children, was evident as He was scourged, beaten and crucified. The fierciness of His passion, His sorrow and His love touch our lives and draw us into the world He left us in to "perform things greater than these."

The life of a follower of Christ, a believer, is nothing more than a 'holy longing' that is never fulfilled but that grows stronger and stronger as we walk towards that final hilltop and view our Father's house arrayed before us....for that is where the saints who have gone before and those who will gaze into the skies and see the mighty Savior's return all are going.....the familiar treaded, harden pathways are permanently etched into the fabric of this world and yet it is only those who have learned to 'groan inwardly as' they 'wait eagerly' under increasing desire. A question, spoken by a dear friend of years, was a simple one; laughed off as 'yeah, right'.....for its sheer laughidity and utter improbability. Then another, when it was laughingly repeated, looked intent as words were spoken, "Maybe you will be...." Again, a shake of the head by the sheer folly of the very idea.......and the issue drops into the back drawer, forgotten for a time.

"O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me." (Psalm 139:1)

There is no denying God those things we wish to hide from the consuming fire of the passion He ignites in our faith, properly directed, in His purpose for us. A 'purpose' that isn't some block on the big board of God's construction projects where He grumbles, conjoles and entices us to finish our specific 'contracted' part of the building but something that was uniquely designed by Him for us to use to show our thankfulness and love for Him....like a father making known what he would like for Father's day and then helping his children make it. God has searched us, literally penetrated deep into our being and knows us intimately...our tendencies under the old nature, our fears and our ability to do the job at hand. He can even see the formation of words before they gain shape enough for our utterances....we are totally transparent to Him and only the blood of Christ saves us from that condemnation that is the result of sin. There is no hiding.


God loves us in spite of what we have become, and where we will fail and yet, He lives in the knowledge, the understanding, of what we can be through the gift of eternal life, the transformation that takes place and the journey that continues until we come to a place before the throne and find ourselves what He's always known we will be.

And if that is all true, then who are we when in the fire of the consuming passion to judge when we are 'sent forth' rather than 'dropping what [we] are doing and following Him?' We should follow the examples set forth by the saints of old….from the apostles through the early church fathers to the saints that have been fading from the American landscape as the church grows more distant from the origins of its birth…..and the Head Priest that gave her to us to care for….

Like George Mueller, quoted in "Experiencing God",

"I never remember…..a period…..that I ever sincerely and patiently sought to know the will of God by the teaching of the Holy Ghost, through the instrumentality of the Word of God, but I have been always directed rightly. But if honesty of heart and uprightness before God were lacking, or if I did not patiently wait upon God for instruction, or if I preferred the counsel of my fellow men to the declarations of the Word of the living God, I made great mistakes."

Only by sincerely seeking God's direction, waiting on Him to supply the Word to go forth with and looking to the Spirit to teach through the written Words of God, we are only running after our own agenda, our own wishes of glory and greatness that haunt the flesh of this corrupt body……forgoing forthrightness, uprightness and patience to follow the counsel of men who are themselves broken and corrupted.

So, as this question blooms into a choice to join God in the work He is doing, I seek to bring myself into a place where my will is absent, leaving this choice to follow not subject to feeling or whim and seek the Will, Word and Motivation of the Spirit of God, the Holy Counselor, through prayer, study and reflection.

And the possibilities are enormous, frightening to the flesh and peaceful to the spirit.

Thursday, June 4

Greater are they who are with me than those who stand against me...

"And when the servant of the man of God was risen early, and gone forth, behold, an host compassed the city both with horses and chariots. And his servant said unto him, Alas, my master! how shall we do? And he answered, Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them. And Elisha prayed, and said, LORD, I pray thee, open his eyes, that he may see. And the LORD opened the eyes of the young man; and he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha." (2 Kings 6:15-17 KJV)

The journey this last few weeks has been an exciting time of hearing God entice me to go beyond where I've carved out a foxhole and actually enter into the 'dead man zone' to engage the enemy alongside Him. He's shown me that He's equipped me; the shield, sword, helmet, boots, and breastplate and endowed me with the spiritual conditioning to handle the chaotic and fluid environment of the battlefield. He's there, having called me to engage in life at its messiest for the sake of His glory. Stepping out of that foxhole Saturday was full of the expectation I'd be bowled over by the proverbial bullet....................

But the field of battle is still raging around me as I look to God and wipe the sweat from my brow, grateful that He is indeed alongside me......as He said He would be.......

Monday it was about the love the Father has for me, the beloved son and the man he was meant to become. That song, "To Make You Feel My Love" by Garth Brooks, a secular song used to convey a greater sense of God's love for me....over and over again on the hour trip home.......

Tuesday it was about endurance, living for Him even in the brokenness and stress of this world. The song, "I Just Can't Give Up" by MaryMary, encouraging me to travel up that next mountain, with the vision of Christ standing on the other side, His arms ready to catch me and provide me nourishment for the next mountain, that next valley.

I played softball with the church league that night.....we came from behind to within two of the winning team's score...and the coach was encouraging us that we're getting better, working as a team. As my son and I travelled back home, God used that example to again reinforce His invitation to join Him where He is working around me for the glory of the Kingdom. "You're getting better, you're starting to work with Me. I'm so proud of you!"

Wednesday, on the way home from work God kept bringing the event from the second book of Kings with Elisha and his servant to my mind, saying...."Do you want your eyes opened so that you can see the provision I have made for you?" I had woke up Wednesday morning much like that servant...running around (in my mind) and recalling all the things I had to worry about; the finances, the vehicle, the family and the relationships in my life.

God stopped me with that image of the host surrounding the prophet, who could see them, and the servant who (until Eisha prayed for sight) could not. Would I be the servant who was panicing or the prophet who saw clearly the provisions made in the reality of the enemy's approach? I asked for sight and spent the rest of the trip home content....singing at the top of my voice the praises of my King.....hey, I was alone in my own vehicle...though I'm sure many of the other drivers questioned my sanity....

My son, upon my arrival home, ran up to the mailbox and grabbed the mail. In typical fashion, he divided the mail as he's seen me do so many times and said, "Here, Dad, these are for you."

One was a small letter envelope and the other a full-sized yellow padded envelope, both from brothers in the ministry I am a member, as well as a participant, in..... I looked at my son and said, "Let us see God's provision for us. If it's a letter of support and edification...that will carry us through. If it's another provision, then we are doubly blessed." I opened the smaller, from the brother I spoke with on Monday for a time about everything happening. The check would cover some of the deficit and I looked to my son and said, "God has provided for us, bubba. We are truly blessed." I felt contentment, for if this was truly the provision made then surely the remainder would be worked out in His plan also.

My son, who always wants to know the interesting things his dad gets in the mail, asked me what the other envelope, from one of my mentors in the ministry was. I told him I didn't know, but whatever it was would be of benefit for us whether it was a simple letter or a magazine/article/book that would bring us closer to God and help us weather the storm. I opened it up and reached inside, pulling out a couple of denomination bills. Blessed again, I thought, as I dropped it back in and gathered my things to head inside the house to feed both of us before the bible study that night at church.

With the way things were, I figured we'd best make a quick run up to the bank to deposit the check and whatever else had come in. I went into the living room and flipped the envelope over....a pile of twenties fell out on the end table. I was stunned. As I finished counting the bills, tears flowed down my face...my God indeed had answered all the needs....

We went out and got the car alignment done and the money deposited in the bank. The rent is covered, the necessary repairs to the car, covered. And I can regain that confidence that I move into a purpose that God has set aside for me and calls me too. Again, as He is able God called me to join Him in the work He is doing around me, trusting in Him to provide and to give me strength to continue.

It is not an army of Heavenly Host gathered around me in strong numbers, it is my brothers.....who call me to be what God has shaped me to be.....and will not leave a man behind.

And they that be with me are greater than those that stand against me.

"For our God is an awesome God. He reigns from Heaven above, with wisdom power and love....OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Wednesday, June 3

Choosing LIFE

"The command that I am giving you today is not too difficult or beyond your reach. It is not up in the sky. You do not have to ask, 'Who will go up and bring it down for us, so that we can hear it and obey it?' Nor is it on the other side of the ocean. You do not have to ask, 'Who will go across the ocean and bring it to us, so that we may hear it and obey it?' No, it is here with you. You know it and can quote it, so now obey it. "Today I am giving you a choice between good and evil, between life and death. If you obey the commands of the LORD your God, which I give you today, if you love him, obey him, and keep all his laws, then you will prosper and become a nation of many people. The LORD your God will bless you in the land that you are about to occupy. But if you disobey and refuse to listen, and are led away to worship other gods, you will be destroyed---I warn you here and now. You will not live long in that land across the Jordan that you are about to occupy. I am now giving you the choice between life and death, between God's blessing and God's curse, and I call heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Choose life." (Deuteronomy 30:11-19 GNB)


I have signed up and receive daily emails from a variety of ministries and usually God entices me into a place where He would show me what He is doing around me this day, in the places where I journey. One, entitled "You Make Me Laugh" from Crosswalk.com, contained such enticement and I've reposted the 'Clean laugh for the day' portion of it. If you desire the free email, you can sign up for it at www.Crosswalk.com .

Have you ever had a resume rejected? Don't ever let it happen again. The next time that nasty old rejection letter comes your way, respond with your own:
Dear [Interviewer's Name]:

Thank you for your letter of [Date]. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your firm. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite [company name]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm beginning on [Date]. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.

Sincerely,

[Your Name]


Rejection is a big part of my story; rejection as a beloved son, rejection from the world, rejection from loved ones and even rejection within the vaunted halls of the postmodern Christian community that silently and effectively has invaded the sacrosanct halls of the Church. This has fueled my struggle to understand and accept that Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit and God the Father will never reject me despite the many times in the pre-salvation life I did, boldly and in a 'in His face' way, that has me wondering at the foolishness of my ignorance and the overwhelming mercy that the Righteous One has for even a fool like me.

To step out into God's will means that each and every person who wants to find a reason to reject me and the testimony that God has shaped over the forty-one years of my life will have more than ample enough material to do so with......I am far from perfect, I am far from righteous and I am far from a valium-induced pleasingly happy 'christian' that seems to be the 'ideal candidate' for the job of preaching the Word of God in a 'emerging' church world. I'd be crucified no matter the truthfulness of the sermon, maybe even more so BECAUSE of the truthfulness of the sermon.

And yet it entices me, burdens my waking thoughts and brings me disruption each and every time I get that 'rejection' notice in the 'mail.' And there are brothers that God has brought into my life that stand against even my own 'self' rejection....a dear brother in Christ, struggling mightily in the face of things that I quail at thinking of having to deal with, called me an inspiration...and said my life brings tears to his eyes and sorrow to his heart. The fact, he said, that I am still standing (great song by Elton John....by the way...when you listen, think of it in context of Lucifer, the fallen one) has to be a God-thing and is amazing. Another brother, facing his own problems physically, told me point-blank, "You have been uniquely shaped to offer something for God's purpose. Don't compare yourself to anyone else."

I've been looking back upon my life...facing that demonic period of childhood, where the beloved was killed, the enemy versed in his p.o.a. (plan of attack) for me even before I was aware of the battle, my own destructive agreements with ungodly things and the burden of wounds that have bled freely throughout my life causing me to react out of those piercing, deep wounds into the broken world that surrounds me. Whether rejection came from my father, my birth mother, my siblings (realized or not, imagined or not), others or even myself.....I would have to agree with that rejection (which I have) to make it an effective dismissal.

God didn't give anyone else an ear to His voice that February day in 2004 back in the 'cheap' seats of Chris Cramer's Orchard Grove Church when He spoke to me of 'coming home', nor again on the October day that followed when He spoke of 'this is what you shall do for Me' in that massive worship hall at Bill Hybel's Willow Creek Church. And yet, I let whoever chooses to 'reject' that purposing God has placed upon my heart and infused into my bones. For they must know better...and I must've heard wrong.

I agree with the 'rejection' and slip silently away back into the wilderness, the desert and the valleys from whence I've come. And, in that act of disobedience, reject God's purposed call for me. For, when we have truly surrendered our lives, our wills and ourselves to God, doing anything less than what God calls to us to do is a form rejection letter that we throw 'in His face.' And God keeps sending us this 'rejection of our rejection' letter back to us and keeps on doing what He has already planned and created to be done. Our participation is desired more than our will to step into God's world.

I wonder what life would be like to have things BECOME difficult. It would be interesting to see it happen, and to realize such an event was taking place. But in the world I live in, both through my own foolish sin or through the 'rejection' of others of my foolish movement, difficult is commonplace and stress a familiar friend. It is a marvel to me as I journey back into the desert places of my story and look at the wounds that have cut deep into the sinew of my soul that I have never succeeded in my suicide attempts, my self-destructive use of 'recreational' drugs or have become a victim of my sexual promiscuities. If I look at it through the eyes of my own ability, my own strength and my own desires that is.

But when I look at it through the context of the larger story of God, whom has walked alongside me even in the blinding darkness of those times in my life when I denied Him the most, I can see His hand of stay, His grace of compassion and His love for a soul in torment. It isn't a marvel that I've come as far as I have, survived what I have and become so much more than I ever was....it was God shaping and molding me to be the instrument He would use to do His work.

As I read another email from S. Michael Craven that was geared towards the graduating Seniors throughout the land from the 'higher educational' institutions, God wrapped the last few days up quite neatly with His ever effective method and issued His challenge for me to join Him in His work;

It is not only at that moment when the Savior speaks through the Spirit to our hearts that we are faced with the challenge to accept God in His entirety. From the moment of our grateful and heartfelt acceptance of the salvation gift, God invites us to allow Him to be a farmer, plowing the soil of our hearts and planting within us deep and solid the seeds of which He plans to grow the fruits of our obedience, our faith and our service to Him with. Each and every day, He comes out to the fields of our lives, where the seeds of faith are watered with the everlasting blood of the Savior's sacrifice and nurtured by the minerals of the Spirit and whispers to us to grow, challenges us to endure the shaping and promises us a work mightier than the world has ever experienced.

"Love Me as I love you, Jim," He whispered through the tears as the secular song written by a secular artist for a secular purpose showed that love to me. "Endure these times with Me, Jim," He challenged as visions of the highest cost of what being a servant could be shaped in my head during another trip home on another day that was the same as before except for the number on a calendar. "Trust in Me, Jim" He simply stated, knowing the worry and turmoil of the times I am facing, the deadlines and the uncomfortable places I have travelled. "Believe in what I have created, Jim" He points in the words of a brother who lovingly spoke God's message to me a Saturday past.

Each and every day, the host of Heaven gathers around our beds and bear silent witness to the decision we have to make from the moment we wake up and place our feet firmly upon the floorboards of our bedrooms. Each day, with silent pleas, the gathered assembly of God's Army urge us to choose the right thing...the only choice that is worth venturing forth for, worth dying for and worth hoping for.

"Choose Life," they whisper, knowing the glory of the story God is writing within your life that is incorporated into the larger tome of His-story....
As you wake up tomorrow and set your feet upon the floor...reaching over to shut off that alarm clock, smelling the brewed coffee that entices you into the actual act of movement....stop for a moment and think about the verses from Deuteronomy....

"Today......................a choice between good and evil, between life and death."

For Heaven's sake...........choose LIFE!

And send a letter of rejection to the rejection of the world who considers us foolish, letting them know that we will venture out into the world with the light, speaking the Truth and wandering in the darkness for the souls of the Harvest.

Monday, June 1

A love worth pursuing...

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I would offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love…..

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love …….

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong ……

I'd go hungry, I'd go blind for you
I'd go crawling down the aisle for you
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love …….

The storms are raging on a rolling sea
Down the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free…..

But you ain't seen nothing like me yet

There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love


From www.lyrics007.com

Yes, I know that it is a love ballet from Garth Brooks, entitled "To Make You Feel My Love," an unrealistic and dreamy hope of a balladeer whose lyrics rocked him to superstardom…..and who is seemingly invisible in the world of Country music today. But, in the whispers of the stormy seas and the fevered worries of a troubled man….it wasn't that perfect woman that was called to my mind, but the love of a Father who has promised more than I ever could have imagined to ask for and who even in the midst of my defeat, whispers His love to the beating of my renewed soul.

It is this love, this agape love, that descended upon me as I drove home and brought tears to my eyes as I surrendered the final hold I had upon the mountains that I have been called to climb; the journey back to the house where the beloved son was killed and the efforts seemingly fruitless in my efforts to live under the financial provisions that He has provided. Even in this, as I had exposed myself more openly to brothers and spoke the need to those who would be capable of judgment……God has me and He loves me. Though I may fall tomorrow, having to move and relocate…struggle against the sinful consequences of my past…..there is nothing within me that desires nothing more than to provide glory and honor through the suffering and struggles to a God who loves me….loves me beyond what I have been conditioned to believe was possible and far beyond what I, even a redeemed sinner, deserve. All I could hear, as I played it over and over again is…..Jim, there is nothing I wouldn't do to make you feel My love.

Jesus broke His whole mission down to one thing; the healing and restoration of the brokenhearted and imprisioned people of His creation. All of us. And the battle rages within the broken world we walk between the Heavenly Father and the fallen one for the people lost in the darkness, deprived of love and heartbroken for the peace of eternal promise. If the enemy can distract us with the initmate knowledge he has of each of us from the experiencing of that love, we fall under the spiritual warfare of his design. But God forever whispers its song into our hearts, broken and bleeding, battered and bruised, and welcomes us into the embrace we forgot.

The car may fall apart tomorrow, the landlord demand his just due in rent and the bills overwhelm me but again….but as God whispers His love for me and wraps me in His mighty arms, I will pick myself and my family up…..right the cart that the enemy has overturned and run to catch up to my God, who's work He entices me to join Him in. For there is nothing that He hasn't already done…..to make me feel His love.