"For this cause I also suffer these things. Yet I am not ashamed, for I know him whom I have believed, and I am persuaded that he is able to guard that which I have committed to him against that day." 2 Timothy 1:12 WEB
I went looking on the bible research site I often use for the "do-do" verse, where Paul speaks of "doing the things he knows not to do…" and this verse came to my attention.
I have been in self-preserving mode lately, with the fierce winds and lashing rains of the trials which beset my weary faith. I have had hope ruthlessly ripped from my hands by the one who seems to play the games that toss me about the seas. According to them, I am a victim (or at least I act like it) and they continue to lash out with distain and lies.
But I look upon my heart and my faith and can find only sorrow. Sorrow for the things that I haven't done well and the things I haven't done that I know to do. No shame, for I know that the strength of the Father is there to tap, has been tapped, and sustains me in these dark hours of the twilight. No, I only feel sorrow for the course that I have to take to deal with the struggles that face me in the life. For those who depend on me, and for myself.
Because of the future, and the eternal hope secured, not by my means and not by my acts. But by the Father's desire for me to be redeemed and restored. I can only pray that all who face the choices that this person is making are convicted and condemned by the Spirit, in hopes of restoration and grace to be given. For the course of actions that they take lead only to death, possibly in this world and definitely in the heavenly one coming.
It is not, as Paul makes clear, how I believe in a faithful, promise fulfilling God that I suffer in peace, but knowing WHOM I have rested my hope upon. As the Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary says, "A feeble faith may clasp a strong Saviour."
Everything that God tells me promises that He is here, in the darkness of despair and loss of earthly hope, to sustain me and bring to a point of grace my journey to His sight. I am persuaded in His ability, desire, and choice to deliver me to that better place, either upon this world or upon His return.
Like a deposit made into the bank of eternity, I know I can deposit all of me; my body, my mind and my spirit into the God-insured bank of Salvation. It is slowly working its way into a peace that knows no struggle and a joy that knows no end.
Keep me in your prayers as I struggle in the areas that God knows I am in; for finances, for automotive, for employment.
And know that I struggle well.
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