Some thoughts.....

"With all prayer and petition, pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints, and pray on my behalf that utterance may be given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that in proclaiming it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak." Ephesians 6:18-20

George, of Worthy News Ministries came across this powerful story and shared it as part of their devotional today.....

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted them to learn to not judge things too quickly, so he sent them each on a quest to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away. He sent his first son in the winter, his second in the spring, his third in summer and his youngest in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said no - it was covered with green buds and full of promise. The third son disagreed, he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen. The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

After hearing all his son's responses, the wise father replied, "Sons, you are all right -- because you have each seen only one season in the tree's life. But you cannot judge a tree, or a person, or anything else by only one season. Most things can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons have come to pass".

We can neither cause the tree to grow or affect the timing of its seasonal growth. There is nothing, beyond tending the tree and allowing the created purpose for it to become realized in the fullness of time. If we try and circumnavigate the natural course of the tree's life, we will succeed only in destroying it.
And sitting near the tree, waiting for the visible signs of its growth becomes an exercise in futility, as we cannot see in linear time any measurable growth and therefore declare it a lost cause, dead and barren....and if we keep on staring, we are blinded to the growth that is evidenced in the larger passage of time...months and even years....that show that measurable growth…….. until the tree is ripe and drooping, full of life and fulfillment.

Many have witnessed to this example in my own life as I have come to faith (I believe it wasn’t a simple rededication, but a realization), heard the call to ministry, dealt with the process by which God, in the last almost six years, has developed and empowered me to do the work to which He would have me join Him in and come fully against the four opinions of my growth…..ugly, bent and twisted or budding with new life, sweet smelling and beautiful and even, in a small percentage of those in the body who would journey with me, ripe and drooping with fruit.

A sister in the Lord, with whom I've not fellowshipped for a while, sent me a reply to my request for prayer...and it wasn't the simple "I'll pray for you" automatic response that seems to be the staple of the Christian community. Rather, it was a call to refocus my attention not on the circumstances but the reasoning behind it and the ultimate glory that shall come from its testimonial resolution. Instead of trying to use 'miracle growth' upon the tree of this journey, I have to wait for the created purpose of the tree to be realized....and know its ultimate growth means a fullness of life that fulfills me to overflowing.

"When I read your email, it sounded like YOU were the one trying to fix your problem, running all of the scenarios and trying to make something happen." my S.I.C. wrote, "This is the time for you to press into the Father and LET GO AND LET HIM fix it. You can't do it and He does not want you to either. When you are leaning into Him, Seeking him with all of your heart, there are NO wasted circumstances! Everything can be used for Him to grow and develop us. So, the question should never be, why is this happening to me, it should be, what are you trying to show me and what should my response be."

She added a devotional offered by Bishop Keith Butler of Keith Butler Ministries, "Step back and Let God Fix It" written yesterday.

"For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his." Hebrews 4:10 (KJV) is the scriptural reference that Bishop Butler uses for his devotional....

"When you talk about the rest of God, you're talking about activating God's supernatural ability." Bishop Butler says, "When we get out of God's way, His ability is enforced for us."

The argument given here is: "He who once enters rest, rests from labors; but God’s people have not yet rested from them, therefore they have not yet entered the rest, and so it must be still future." As Matthew Henry offers, "As God finished his work, and then rested from it, so he will cause those who believe, to finish their work, and then to enjoy their rest..........This rest is, a rest of grace, and comfort, and holiness, in the gospel state. And a rest in glory, where the people of God shall enjoy the end of their faith, and the object of all their desires. The rest, or sabbatism, which is the subject of the apostle's reasoning, and as to which he concludes that it remains to be enjoyed, is undoubtedly the heavenly rest, which remains to the people of God, and is opposed to a state of labour and trouble in this world. It is the rest they shall obtain when the Lord Jesus shall appear from heaven."

"God doesn't need your help." Bishop Butler declares, "He has enough force and enough power, and enough angels, and enough of everything necessary to take care of you and yours and far beyond what you could ever require."


Whitney Hopler, Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer's report entitled "11 Ways Jesus Speaks into Your Sorrow" on the practical applications of Nancy Guthrie's new book, Hearing Jesus Speak into Your Sorrow, (Tyndale House, 2009). In her report, Hopler discusses the harshness of life that can bring us to our knees and what we should, as people of faith, do about it.

"Many experiences can leave you struggling with deep sorrow – a loved one’s death, a job loss, a friend’s betrayal, a serious medical diagnosis, and more. You may often find that the people around you simply don’t know what to say to you in your sorrow." Hopler says, "But Jesus does."

"The wager of faith," Dan B. Allender says in his book, The Healing Path, "is that God is telling His story through mine – that He exists and He is good……the wager is played out each time I recall (that is, name my memories) and recollect (order them by discovering their meaning)."

"Is your burden a heavy burden; roll it on Omnipotence. It is your burden now, and it crushes you; but when the Lord takes it, He will make nothing of it. And if you are called still to bear, he will sustain you. It will be on Him and not on you." Charles Spurgeon was quoted in another devotional MTM that I receive from other brothers associated with Out of the Wild on-line community, "You will be so upheld under it that the burden will be a blessing. Bring the Lord into the matter, and you will stand upright under that which in itself would break you down."

To quote the Bible, I value and appreciate my brothers and sisters in Christ who speak what God puts on their hearts, even if it isn't something I desire to hear......."An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips." (Proverbs 24:26)

In her report, Hopler describes the ways Christ speaks during the tempest of our 'perfect storms' that roll through our lives with no concern for our welfare. She gives a brief description after each but the main thoughts are:
* Jesus knew overwhelming sorrow...and he will be there.
* Jesus heard the disappointment of the word "No" from God.
* Jesus can heal our deadliest disease....spiritual unhealthiness.
* Jesus will save us from ourselves.
* Jesus will provide for our safety.
* Jesus has a purpose for our pain that defies the actual experience.
* Jesus empowers us with the ability to 'illogically' forgive those who may not 'deserve' it.
* Jesus' provisions for us are enough.
* Jesus gives life, not death, to those who believe in Him.
* Jesus is in control, no matter how it feels he is not, ruling over life and death.
* Jesus can provide us with rest from the burdens.


"He reveals deep and mysterious things and know what lies hidden in the darkness, though He Himself is surrounded by light" Daniel 2:22


There is nothing that the LORD does not know, whether it is in the darkness of our betrayal or the hiddenness of our sinful life...He is there in the midst of it, letting the freedom of our own will guide our paths...yet whispering of things yet unseen and unknown that we have been designed to utilize, distorted and stained with the sinful nature we inherited from Adam and Eve.

We can spend our days wondering at the reasoning behind the sorrow, trials and tribulations that beset us at the fullness of the day....from other broken people, mislaid plans or even our own struggle against the old nature that comes against what we desire to do and seem to be singularly incapable of doing.

"All you have to do is trust that He will do what He says in His word. I declare that He will open doors for you and your family and in the most supernatural way, you will see God in this and He will show you exactly what to do. As a result, you and many others will see and want to go even closer to the Father." my dear sister in Christ concluded her email with, "You will give major payback to the enemy because you are going to turn around and lead others who are in the same situation, out of the dark. Only God can use the stuff that He delivered us FROM, to help rescue others who are in the same circumstance. Only God!! We have Jesus in us and He does not lose, ever! You let that fool know Who is in you and you refuse to believe the lies that he continually feeds us. In Jesus Name!!!!!"

Sometimes the path that is lit by the glory of the Most High isn't a logical-seeming one; it looks dangerous and causes the hairs on the back of our necks to stand at attention as fear courses through our veins. Sometimes, as God shows us in the bible, it is only the willingness to step onto that fear filled path that He needs to reveal another, more narrower way....

"Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about." --Genesis 22:2

As George of Worthy News said in another devotional, "To be willing to obey God even when the act of obedience is not only costly, but also illogical, is to have the greatest faith in God. The act declares that even though God may kill my dreams, He has the power to resurrect them."

To declare that we know fully what God has planned seems to me to be at the edge of prideful and willful disobedience and is the bane of the faithful. To say that we know what God has planned in another's impossible and outrageous visions is equally as disruptive and damaging. God doesn't indeed need us to do His work, but the story of His plan plays out the recurring theme of invitation and enticement....and our willful denial of its call.

“…All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but gives His grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up I due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:5–7)

In our quest for God, in this journey along the narrow path of His making and guidance, the closer we become in relationship with God is where we find ourselves living a life of the improbable and definitely impossible.

Christ understands the crushing weight of the call and the agonizing loneliness of forced separation, from the family who raised you, the friends who befriended you and the loves that are not returned in the harshness of the day....He shows us that even in the tempest of the raging storms, when it seems that God is the most silent, there is but one thing to do and that is to submit ourselves to the will of the Father, for the plans that He has for us are not for our harm but for the furtherance of His glory that our part in His story will only shine brighter with our inclusion.

God purposes for our lives, though maybe hidden from us because of sin or denial, is the greatest gift that anyone can receive once the Salvation offering has been realized and accepted, even within the most rebellious of the brethren. God won't give up on us, for He knows the process that it will take (good or hard) for us to be ready to take on the next thing that He has for us. It only requires us to leave behind a worldly life of comfort and pursue Christ, into an eternally powered life of significance.

And though temporary, worldly harm might befall us or the fragile corrupted bodies that we inhabit upon this broken world, there is no removal, no loss of the eternal soul for Christ has promised the eternal protection of His people. But it is not our plans for our service to God that will be assured and protected, only the eternal purposes of God as He entices us to live dead to the world and alive in Him. Sometimes it is without the understanding of the 'cause' of our suffering or confusion that God calls us out into the work that He has for us.....the stack of questions that I have yet to know the answers to about the events of my life hasn't dwindled, but I'm sure if I shift through the stack I will find the answers for some of them within the context of my story's interwoven part in the larger story of God's redemption of His people. Answered by others who look at the life I've had and the faith that has been shaped by its fiery furnace.

God promises not what we want but what we need and in the tempest of the pain, suffering, sorrow, grief and unfulfillment that hammers our 'lives' we find the tools to endure, to overcome or even to 'sit in the stuff' that we would rather not for the higher purpose of drawing closer to God and being more the creatures that He envisioned and purposed us to be......from the beginning. In the desperation of seeking relief from our trials and tribulations, we come to a place where we grow....into a more powerful person who has yet to endure sorrows unknown yet to come. And in that sorrow, to have unaltered peace and joy in the unrelieved situations of our lives because of the peace that doesn’t rely on the material, temporal things but on the everlasting….ever-lasting….peace that Christ gives to us.

In this journey, I have come to realize how much of the ‘commission’ and ‘purpose’ to which God has uniquely qualified me for and has enticed me to dare dream to do for the glory to which all of us work and pray for as the events of our lives unfold is not reliant upon my efforts, my understanding or dare I say my truthfulness, but rather based upon the power, effect and timing of God through the empowerment of His Holy Spirit, the less the stresses of the battles, the condemnation of others and the failures against my old self have dimmed my spirit or my faith. I have learned that I will never truly be free of the haunting nature of the old self, corrupted and self-protective, for it knows me well and the ‘puppet-strings’ are pulled by the Evil One….but I can, in the spirit that will flow through this corrupted body to be seen by the world, know my enemy and thwart his plans only through the ‘tallmudim’ posture that I have in the relationship with God, through who’s power, strength and peace I can overcome bit by bit the tendency to rely upon myself and my abilities.


In the tempest, if we are 'tallmudim' (Hebrew for students from the verb Lilmod...'to learn') as the disciples were, we are taught the awesome and unlimited wisdom, love and character of the God of our creation and our worship. The Truth no longer has to be defended, but spoken….the Peace doesn’t have to be prayed for, but dwelled in…..the Strength to move into this broken landscape doesn’t have to be feared, but empowered….. It doesn't come easily, in the terms of the world, for testing comes upon us as we grow deeper and deeper into relationship with Him. The Enemy cannot take our salvation from us so he does that which he knows he can only do, distract us from the powerfulness of being in relationship with God. For in that relationship, we cannot fail and we can do all things with a powerful and mighty effect….

It is only through study, prayer and seeking the wisdom God would impart through the Counselor, the Holy Spirit that we can become educated, transformed and equipped to move into the larger story of God's plan. The evolution of a believer in the context of the larger story comes from lesson-learning, the constant and evolving process of stepping into the tests by which He proves His faithfulness and our obedience. But even learning a lesson is useless unless we apply what we've learned for the purposes to which we are called by God.

The ultimate story-teller calls us to be story-tellers ourselves; not in ways that allow those who we weave our tales to deny that thread that God weaves within our tapestry, but through the personal and powerful tale of our lessons learned and the realization of God within the midst of our trials as woven in the tapestry of God’s ultimate story....not to convert but to entice, not to fantasize but to illogically excite and allow that whisper of the Most High to be heard in the fantastical stories of our lives, in utter defiance of the humanized and post-modern ‘truth’ that seems to pacify the worldly and distract the shallow.

Through prayer, we communicate and are communicated with God, by the trials and tribulations of our worldly existence are we grown into the warriors of God's plan, and through the bold proclamation of Him in the fabric of our story do we testify and empower those who yet to believe to listen for that small, still voice.......


Only then do we truly fulfill the Great Commission....to preach the Good News and to make disciples.....not the willfully disobedient and shallow 'congregates' of today's modern and westernized 'church.'


May I, even in the midst of my crisis of belief, testify to the power of Christ and the overwhelming enticement of His work that He calls me to 'illogically' (from my perspective) join in with and the methods by which He has empowered me to walk in the darkness of this world.....

with a boldness that He once stood with upon this world and proclaimed....while His hands and feet were nailed to a cross of human cruelty and sin........even as we stood and mocked His illogical plan for the eternal redemption of God's people.

He's equipped me to do so with an illogical strength, a unshaken faith and the experience of His power, love and character that will not abandon me in the darkness of this world and the fight to which He calls me to lead.

And, even in the midst of the struggles, trials and tribulations…He calls me to stand and fight for the Kingdom……

Moving closer......

“When Jesus finished telling these parables, he left that place and went back to his hometown. He taught in the synagogue, and those who heard him were amazed. "Where did he get such wisdom?" they asked. "And what about his miracles? Isn't he the carpenter's son? Isn't Mary his mother, and aren't James, Joseph, Simon, and Judas his brothers? Aren't all his sisters living here? Where did he get all this?" And so they rejected him. Jesus said to them, "A prophet is respected everywhere except in his hometown and by his own family." Because they did not have faith, he did not perform many miracles there.” (Matthew 13:53-58 GNB)

A brother in arms…… one of the warriors out in the world who is fighting in the hand-to-hand dirtiness as we continue towards that moment in time when Christ lights up the sky and reclaims what is His by righteousness and original craftsmanship……replied to my blog about moving into that unrealistic, unforeseen realm of God’s possibilities and reminded me of a few things that I had forgotten and reassured me to follow God in where He calls, provides and entices.

“It seems to me that God is definitely leading you in a direction that the world may never understand……………no-one can know the will of God for his life like the man himself, who is truly seeking after God. You are doing that my friend, and I stand beside you in battle supporting you and praying for you. If you feel you are where God wants you to be, then press on my brother. God will show you the way - every step of the way! I am reminded of the journey Abraham took when God first called him……………….. Be faithful to your calling. Let me know if I can pray for you specifically in any way. And may God richly bless you (as it appears is already happening) as you continue to follow in Christ's footsteps.”

When I mentioned the struggle against the ‘fellowship’ of believers regarding the call to a few teammates of mine, they quipped “You should be on TV, there’s a lot like you out there on TV.” I think they meant well, but it was another example, to me, of the unbelieving responses I have been getting for the last four and a half years since that moment at Willow Creek. I’m not seminary trained, not endorsed by a church body and don’t have the financial ease in which to pursue such a wild vision. My life isn’t neatly wrapped up under the illusionary umbrella of ‘spiritual awakening and renewal’ and the story I have to tell makes others quake and quiver………

And, in the westernized culturized Christian movement, such things are the ‘approval’ markings that are too often looked for as a ‘god-approved’ adventure. No consideration is given to the story of the declarer, to vett out the human-response of ‘agenda’ and see the visionary and unrealistic (in the world’s eyes) goals of God’s in the calling. We, in this culture, like our pastoral leaders trained under the same apologetic, denominational or emergent veins…….having connectable points to the larger picture. When the rogue comes and disrupts that preference, we get upset. When God doesn’t send us someone who doesn’t fit into our preconception of what ‘annointed’ of God should look like, we move away from God’s story and become self-serving in our own stories.

As my friend reminded me, Abram must’ve been a bit fearful and nervous about the calling to depart from his family, his friends and his countrymen and go where…no specific location given….the Lord would lead him. Yet, he packed up and went. God isn’t in the business of comfort and easy living….to have such an existence in this world would mean that you are so aligned, so covered in the world that the illusionary things that you feel are comfortable, easy and unstressful appear real to you……until God provides the impus to show you that such things built upon the world’s standards are anything but long-lasting and eternal. They are as fragile as dreams and as deadly as temporary fixes. And, if I’ve learned nothing more about God than this; when He purposes you, He calls you into the biggest of your fears, discomforts and weakest ‘struggles.’

I think that’s not because God has a desire to break you down into your most simplistic of molecules but rather that it is because that is where the enemy has concentrated most of his energy because he knows how powerful and effective you would be with your life, calling and faith aligned with God’s larger story. How much more quickly his time would end because of the multitude of the faithful spread out all over the globe who were aligned with God and working with Him in the pursuit of the kingdom plans. With intimate knowledge of what your purpose is, why wouldn’t he build the protection against you ever fulfilling it? Fear, doubt and even intimidation are merely his tools.

Henry Blackaby and Claude King, in their study Experiencing God: Knowing and Doing the Will of God, say that when you receive an invitation to join God’s work in the world around you, there is a crisis of belief….that point where you focus on yourself…in the selfish human manner that we all recognize as the genesis of sin…instead of God. As they write, “God wants to intercept those lives. Suppose He wants to do it through you. He comes to you and talks to you. But you are so self-centered, you respond, ‘I don’t think I am trained. I don’t think I am able to do it. And I…..’…..the focus is on self. The moment you sense God is moving in your life, you give Him a whole list of reasons why He has got the wrong person or why the time is not right.” Like Moses, "I am nobody. How can I go to the king and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" Exodus 3:11 GNB) and "But suppose the Israelites do not believe me and will not listen to what I say. What shall I do if they say that you did not appear to me?" (Exodus 4:1 GNB).

Moses, in the story of God, was not the ‘right’ man for the job when he was the son of the daughter of Pharaoh….with all the degrees and pedigrees that would’ve made a easy road to change from within the empire…..and where the power and movement of God would have been harder to see and easier to disown. But, in the desert as a simple shepherd, Moses had no degrees to fall upon, no elegance of mouth, nor the ‘pedigree’ of the empire to rely upon to open the doors where he needed to go. And, once God made it clearly apparent to him that he was the one to go….he had no choice but to either answer in the affirmative or deny God.

God has shown me that He can answer the three biggest fears I have that would be unavoidable if I became a missionary….to Australia or anywhere else….

Relationships, Confrontations and Provisions.

If I became a foreign missionary, I would need to be in relationship with the church leadership in the area I serve as well as the community…no missionary can be sustained without it. Confrontation? To go to a country where the topic of religion just isn’t that important would be a breeding ground for ‘confrontation.’ And provisions? I wouldn’t, as a foreign national, be able to do a ‘tent-making’ ministry like Paul but would have to rely on home support, and the support of the community which I serve.

Which makes this both repelling and enticing.

The new song out on the Christian airwaves just has captured my attention in this place of where I am;

Closer to Love by Mat Kearney

She got the call today, One out of the gray. And when the smoke cleared, It took her breath away. She said she didn't believe, It could happen to me
I guess we're all one phone call from our knees

We're gonna get there soon

If every building falls, And all the stars fade. We'll still be singing this song, The one they can't take away. I'm gonna get there soon, She's gonna be there too

Cryin' in her room, Prayin' oh, Lord come through

We're gonna get there soon

Oh, it's your light, Oh, it's your way. Pull me out of the dark, Just to shoulder the weight. Cryin' out now, From so far away. You pull me closer to love....Closer to love

Meet me once again, Down off Lake Michigan. Where we could feel the storm blowin', Down with the wind. And don't apologize, For all the tears you've cried. You've been way too strong now for all your life

I'm gonna get there soon, You're gonna be there too. Cryin' in your room, Prayin' Lord come through. We're gonna get there soon.

Oh, it's your light, Oh, it's your way. Pull me out of the dark, Just to shoulder the weight. Cryin' out now, From so far away. You pull me closer to love....Closer to love

Cause you are all that I've waited for all of my life. (We're gonna get there) You are all that I've waited all of my life

You pull me closer to love.......Closer to love. Pull me closer to love (You are all that I've waited for)
You pull me closer to love.......Closer to love. Closer to love (Cause you are all that I've waited for)
Closer to love…….Pull me closer to love

Pull me out of the dark, Mat sings, just to shoulder the weight……..we’re gonna get there soon….. these are the things that hit me out of the silence….God’s work pulls me closer to His love and brings me out of the comfort of my misery to the uncomfortableness that exists in walking with Him in relationship…burdened by the weight of the mission and kingdom building to be wounded and persecuted…to be peaceful in unpeaceful places and comfortable in uncomfortableness……for the sake of the Lord and the fulfillment of His plan as experienced in His story.

Then Carolyn Baker, of AllAboutGod.com, sends this as her devotional for today:

“He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be His God and he will be My son.” Revelation 21:7

“Lord, I soar on eagles wings this morning recognizing the great privilege You have given me of being called by You - for Your purposes. I soar above all the fears and doubts, and claim for myself and all who pray this prayer, a new freedom that comes from recognizing a new day is dawning.” Carolyn writes in her prayer, “ I am so grateful Lord that You allowed me to take a good, hard look at my own fears so I would recognize the counterfeit strategies Satan was using to cause me harm. The greatest message ever preached is going to be heard around the world. No matter what happens in the physical realm of our lives, all Christians were created to move in this great purpose. We all serve differently but not one of us is immune from the cry of the Savior’s heart.”

Carolyn concludes in her reflection part of the devotional some powerful, and all-too-familiar (to me in this enticement), statements from our Father:

“We all have a high and holy calling on our lives. Complacency, comfort, fear of man – all of these counterfeits need to be surrendered at the foot of the Cross. Your life is of so much value that Christ gave His own life for you. Do not waste the opportunities you are given. Every day in your path there is something to be done for His kingdom needs. If you are not recognizing this truth in your life, you are not seeing with the eyes of the Holy Spirit. Ask Him now to free you so you can see with His eyes, hear with His ears and think His thoughts with your mind. That is true freedom. When you walk in this truth God will use you – in spite of yourself to accomplish His purposes in and through you. You need the Holy Spirit to accomplish this goal. Pray to Him – submit to His ways – then be prepared for a manifestation of Christ’s glory to shine through you.”

God has shown me a glimpse of what He wants to do, and has shown me the provisional strength He has to make it happen. Now is the time I face, as all those who are called in specific and unique ways, to make my declaration:

To Join Him in the work He is doing completely or to decline and thereby show the depth of my faith and belief……..

My faith is too strong, even if it is the size of a mustard seed, to deny and my belief has been fortified by faith and experiencing God in the other immediate areas of my life…..

I must accept the challenge to join Him where He is at and draw closer to love………

Automatic Christianity

“Some people soon brought to him a crippled man lying on a mat. When Jesus saw how much faith they had, he said to the crippled man, "My friend, don't worry! Your sins are forgiven." Some teachers of the Law of Moses said to themselves, "Jesus must think he is God!" But Jesus knew what was in their minds, and he said, "Why are you thinking such evil things? Is it easier for me to tell this crippled man that his sins are forgiven or to tell him to get up and walk? But I will show you that the Son of Man has the right to forgive sins here on earth." So Jesus said to the man, "Get up! Pick up your mat and go on home." The man got up and went home. When the crowds saw this, they were afraid and praised God for giving such authority to people.” (Matthew 9:2-8 CEV)

I met with my campus pastor this Sunday past before the commencement of services for the congregation. It was the only time that he had, what with the upcoming move into the building and the host of other circumstances and responsibilities that befall a pastor of a growing congregation. With the work that God is doing within my life as He molds me to be an effective instrument in the call to His service and entices me to join Him in the abundant work of the harvest of which He has planted, nurtured and is preparing to harvest, I felt the need despite the other ‘negative’ responses from the church family to sit down with the pastor and speak what God had burden me to bring to his attention. Pastor Cliff is a dynamic and energetic man, with a passion that burdens his heart and has brought him into the position to which he serves the membership of the church. His brothers are also pastors, of the mega-church Northridge. His story would be interesting to hear, for the formation of the man lies within the story of himself. And I have come to know that there is no one upon the face of this earth that has not been wounded in a way or has been affected by the story of their past. It is either realized or not, redeemed or not, in the context of the larger story of God.

Maybe I shouldn’t have said that I disagree with the apparent ‘building over people’ pursuit of the church in regards to the purchase and acquision of the property; Christ could’ve very well have demanded His disciples provide Him with shelter, food and other amenities that would make Him comfortable, yet He forewent such for the people…it was always about relationship with Christ, and still is today. And as Christ Himself said, ‘I can only do what I’ve seen My Father do.” So, if Christ was relational, then so must be His Father…and when a church limits itself to make the finances look good for capital building, when a body focuses more on the funds to furnish and remodel the ‘worship center’ of the new building, postponing a valuable outreach to pregnant teens in the local community…..well, I wonder if it is just another example of temple building and not a vision of God that has been suborned to man’s timing.

As I told my pastor, I am not in the leadership of the church and do not know all that is there in the process of this ‘vision’ and I am fully trusting in God that if, indeed, this is against His timing, plan or vision that He can redeem it and bring His full disagreement into undeniable focus. It is not for me to decide, though I will speak what I feel God leading me to do.

That said, I tried to give the pastor a bit of background to my story, for truly we cannot walk into a relationship with our brethren if we do not know their story and so it is vital, at least in my opinion, to know something at least of our brothers and sisters stories so that we can ask the questions that God would have us ask; What is He doing in this person’s life? How do I help this person grow closer with Him in this? I came to the pastor to speak a need and to see what he, as the leader of the church I attend, would say…what actions he would take….and simply to fulfill what I felt God leading me to do; speak out my need to the brethren and leadership of which I’ve submitted myself under. And, please don’t read into this, but the pastor offered more than what I thought he would and still gave me what I have come to expect within the body…..an automatic response.

If you have read any of my previous offerings to you, you know of the journey that I find myself on; one of rediscovering the beloved son that was murdered at the hands of his own earthly father so long ago so that I can become the father, the elder and the man that God has designed and purposed me to be. You will also remember the situation that brought me to the village of Holly and within the congregational body of the church I have taken membership with for the season that God has presented me with in this small ‘hamlet’ of Michigan. The hope and prayer was that God would provide the method and the position in Flint, so that I would be closer to my new home that He had provisioned for.

With the self-destruction and government intervention of GM and Chrysler, such hope is long beyond the hope of being resurrected, at least for the time being, and so I spend an hour driving to work and another hour and a half traveling home each day. With the loss of my friend’s above and beyond offer to help with the babysitting of my son, things have been hard. The children’s mother, with the loss of her father a few months past, has been pursuing work herself, so the typical summer stay with her has become problematical to say the least. The situation seems untenable, and so I went to the pastor with the need in hopes that he might know of a family or a couple that might be able to move into this need and provide some assistance.

And I genuinely feel that the pastor heard my need and gave some consideration to the capability of the body to fulfill, at least in the short term, it. He offered to bring it to a few people to see if there was a ‘grandmother’ type of member that would and could be willing to step into this for the time. All I would need to do is provide for the funding that their care would require. As for the longer term, the bigger picture, he gave the statement, “Though I am not in the habit of recommending that someone move out of a church, it would seem with God not opening the door here in Holly (i.e. job) that you should move closer to your job and/or a situation where it can become tenable.”

In other words, I should move back down south near family, friends or into a situation where my work hours and school hours are closely matched. It was, in his mind, the only solution and indicated direction that God had given for the situation.

But, even in the study that I'm doing with Henry T. Blackaby and Claude V. King Experiencing God: Knowing And Doing The Will Of God, such statements seem like an automatic and impersonal response to the personal trials and struggles that I face. Indeed, it is not only the pastor who has said it, but some of the brothers I am in ministry with. But even then, it doesn't seem to sit with what God seems to be doing in and around my life in the little village of Holly in the state of Michigan. Far from it, to me and in relation to my story, the opposite seems to be desirable of God's focus: the body moving into relationship with me rather than me seeking relationship elsewhere among another body. As one friend said, it seems almost as if by recommending movement away from the church I call home, it would create the ability to ignore the missed opportunity rather than dealing with the messiness of being in a relationship with a human being on a personal, real level.

As I've quoted from Blackaby and King's book, George Mueller (who built four orphanages that cared for 2,000 children at a time and over 10,000 through them distributed over eight million dollars provided through prayer and died with a net worth of 800 dollars) said of his method of knowing God's will:


"I never remember…a period….that I ever sincerely and patiently sought to know the will of God by the teaching of the Holy Ghost (Spirit), through the instrumentality of the Word of God, but I have been always directed rightly. But if honesty of heart and uprightness before God were lacking, or if I did not patiently wait upon God for instruction, or if I preferred the counsel of my fellow men to the declarations of the Word of the living God, I made great mistakes."

Unfortunately, we seem today to require that God provide a clear and concise 'door' for us to move into rather than sitting patiently upon His revelation of what we are to move into. And God doesn't promise that the situation, position or job that we are led to is going to be easy or unsupported by others….He calls us to trust in His provisions and move in spite of fear.

I find myself not looking at the 'requirement' that God has provided in His silence as a need to move away from the church or the community in which I live, but am burdened by the sense of wonderment that God isn't looking to provide an 'open door' because He has already done so…..the door remains obscured because the people or group or church that He has appointed the task to is largely silent and automatically looking in the opposite direction.

Not through some vain attempt to ignore what is painfully obvious but because they automatically are looking at what hasn't been provided instead of looking into the situation, circumstance and seeing what God has provisioned for already.

Whether such a honest and God-seeking look would provide another response, well I think it is obvious what I think, but until such is done, can we really say that God has closed the door in Holly for the reason so automatically given?

Honestly, I think we can't.

The body met in the temple and each other's houses, fellowshipping and eating together….selling what they owned to give according to each need…without question, without hesitation….it is only when the humanity of the early church was brought into the spirituality of the early church that the corruption that we see in too many of God's fellowships today started. Circumcision debates threatened the harmony that once flowed like honey…and it set Paul and Peter into conflict that was resolved by one man's refusal to move into the 'automatic' response by aligning himself with the 'elder' apostle in his sinful error.

As the verse above hit me in the devotional time I spent today before hauling my children down to their birth mother's house on my way to the job……Christ asks, "Is it easier to say….or do the act…." And it is by the authority to do the more visible (albeit from a human perspective, the more difficult) of the two that He proves His authority to do the less evident of the two, but the more important. He didn't do the 'automatic', though I am sure that there were those around this event that knew He had done it before…….He moved into the non-standard expectation before He fulfilled the obvious.

And this isn't the first time Christ does it and isn't the last. So why are we, as His people, so bent on automatic responses to the brokenness of the world? And how much more effective, healing and a living testimony would we be if we moved in non-traditional, more personal responses when it came to the lives of those brothers and sisters in our immediate church family and the lives of the broken to which we are called to minister?

God is working around me…..am I the only one who is noticing? Or does my personal story affect my vision slightly to where I am missing the point of God's work? All I know is that as I grow closer to God, the more I realize He isn't an 'automatic' God…..but a living, breathing and involved God who calls His people to be non-standard in a world in chaos, to go into the darkness to save souls rather than run from it, and to be willing to die in order to live.

Sounds like a pretty none standard response to me………

The world grows smaller as the dream grows bigger

"And when they were on the way, a certain man said to him, I will come after you wherever you go. And Jesus said to him, Foxes have holes and the birds of the air have resting-places, but the Son of man has nowhere to put his head. And he said to another, Come after me. But he said, Lord, let me first go and give the last honours to my father. But he said to him, Let the dead take care of their dead; it is for you to go and give news of the kingdom of God. And another man said, I will come with you, Lord, but first let me say a last good-day to those who are at my house. But Jesus said, No man, having put his hand to the plough and looking back, is good enough for the kingdom of God." (Luke 9:57-62 BBE)

God's commission doesn't sit well in the modern westernized Church model...which seems so far from the model of the Church that Christ left in the hands of His disciples some 2,000 years ago. More and more churches are more concerned about fancy temples, big projects (called capital building projects) that do little within the communities in which they rest. Evangelism becomes a 'big sign' and 'full parking lot' rather than one-on-one relationships. Pastors become favorites rather than the word that is preached. Outreaches become single-minded and sharply focused upon one group, one bracket or one direction.

The numbers look good, the finances attract investors who 'loan money to visionaries' and the Word (never to return void) goes slowly silent as the faithful are guided into the postmodern 'self' message of love, love and love.....the lies and philosophies of man become hazy and semi-biblical in their utterance but totally void of their fruitfulness, until it becomes the 'Word', leaving more and more of the mega-churched empty and abandoned to fall prey to the growing malaise that paralyzes a people into 'voting' for a immoral change, speaking less against a culture in chaotic destructive mentality and a rejection of those who would speak the Truth in its unadulterated, non-respecting purity.

Go out to all the nations of the world and tell them the Gospel, making disciples becomes an inward focus on keeping what you have and calling the community that lies stagnant a focal point of God's blessings, the Word proclaimed and the lesser 'dirtiness' of life is conveniently swept under the table that sits on the stage.

Disciples lose their zeal for the passion of Christ and opt instead for the relative comforts of Sunday school and cookie-cutter programming for the ministries. Challenges once issued to the leadership under the passionate convictions of a man or woman of God, even if in opposition to the leader's chosen direction, fall upon the ears of the discontent as they have been silenced into submission by the congregational love feast with their pastoral leadership. No one really questions anymore, for questions are not welcomed within the halls of the faithful and the glittered temples of mega. It is better to fade into the quietness of contemplative silence and forego the desires God stokes within the flame of our faith.

Most churches preach a doctrine of peaceful contentment, relative bliss and relational complacency that one has to dull their hearts in such condition so that the mudanity of their lives serve as a balm for the discontentment that boils beneath the surface. This is why I believe the mega-, emergent- and postmodern churches are the most popular today.....it soothes the discontentment that a life seeking Christ, knowing God and being counseled by the Spirit causes, the disruption and the fearful reliance upon a faith that is never stagnate, never satisfied and constantly challenged.

As John Eldridge says in The Sacred Romance, "While our hearts grow in its capacity for pleasure, it grows in its capacity to know pain." The Church, in trying to answer the painful experiences that its congregations are facing actually helps to silence the growth of its members....calling them to a mundane numbness that nullifies the growing sense of painful disconnection to a world that moves further and further from the precepts of its Designer and Creator.

"As the Lord gives you truth, acknowledge it and allow HIM to guide you through it. Don’t try to do anything on your own. Our walk with the Lord is a continual realization of how we need to grow in the image of the Son." Paul Ferree, American missionary and writer of the blog "How To Become A Missionary", writes as he and his family travel the United States where the Father leads, "We simply recognize our errors and repent, or trade our ways for the Father’s ways. Turn from the way we do things and do things the way our Father in heaven instructs us to do them."

As I sense with growing wonder and competing fear the grand work of the Lord within and around me, and the evidence that shows a preparation to the impossibility of the direction that......my preconceived perceptions of what my service to the Call would shape out to be. These are shattered upon the rocks of disillusioned fantasies, exposing the utter foolishness of a future built upon their fragile and simple frames. The assured, peaceful disruption of following the 'walk of sorrow' that characterizes the journey of Christ from rejection to condemnation to the crucifixion promises a grander context, greater works and stronger persecution in ways that I immediately want to reject as foolishness and point out their improbability.

It no longer seems ironic to me that as I look into the chaos of my disrupted life and all of its trials, tribulations and stresses that I find more and more Word being delivered upon the platter of my supplication for God to speak. From a multitude of sources; devotions from separate ministries, words from others (and not just necessarily 'faithful' ones) and an inter-relationalish to events in my life.

Today, from the Ransomed Hearts ministry of John Eldridge, author of Wild at Heart, as well as other fantastic books, comes a devotion that referenced Psalm 119:25. I've quoted part of Eldridge's comments from his book, The Sacred Romance, already...but God chose to expand upon Eldridge's offering with the verses from 25 through 38.

"I am at the point of death. Let your teachings breathe new life into me. When I told you my troubles, you answered my prayers. Now teach me your laws. Help me to understand your teachings, and I will think about your marvelous deeds. I am overcome with sorrow. Encourage me, as you have promised to do. Keep me from being deceitful, and be kind enough to teach me your Law. I am determined to be faithful and to respect your laws. I follow your rules, LORD. Don't let me be ashamed. I am eager to learn all that you want me to do; help me to understand more and more. Point out your rules to me, and I won't disobey even one of them. Help me to understand your Law; I promise to obey it with all my heart. Direct me by your commands! I love to do what you say. Make me want to obey you, rather than to be rich. Take away my foolish desires, and let me find life by walking with you. I am your servant! Do for me what you promised to those who worship you." (Psalms 119:25-38 CEV)

My heart wants to cling to the 'comforts' of this life that has taken so much effort and suffering to achieve, even at this level. It wants peace, grace, mercy, love and above all, hope in such degree that its undeniable. It wants evidence of healing, restoration and an visible 'outward' sign to point to as evidence of my spiritual growth in His purpose. Yet, by clinging to that desire and the resultant chains that it creates, I become bound by the declarations of others.....more beholding to their perceived and unknowledged agendas. God doesn't move where we chain ourselves willingly but calls us to break those chains and live 'on the edge' of His cresting wave of life-giving water......straining in those places where our worst fears lie, unprepared and uncomfortable....God has already prepared us for those things, just as He has already restored our corrupted bodies, yet the journey is realizing that in truth in its entirity, something we will never fully achieve until we reach the point of Christ's return or ours to our Heavenly home

God doesn't ask us to 'fit Him into our life' but to surrender our life over to Him so that we can fit into His story, His life.

"But more than anything else put God's work first and do what he wants. Then the other things will be yours as well." (Matthew 6:33 CEV)

Even in the fluidity of my current situation; finances, location and family struggles.....my time has been less focused on what God is doing in my world, in the life around me, and more focused on the miserable attempt to 'maintain' this lifestyle's 'status quo' at least, with the hope to improve it beyond the difficult position of being fully dependent on God's timing, provision and direction. My devotional time, as reflected in my blog postings, has been stagnant and full of silence.

But, in the last few months, in ever increasing ways….God has brought undeniable proof of His provisions and of His conditioning for the Calling He's given. Not in the hallowed halls of the Church, nor the venerable cafeterias of the aging saints. By becoming vulnerable to God, I am realizing the folly of my limitations…..as if God is big, but not big enough for my situation and problems. He is working in my life in ways I didn't realize, amid the painfulness of letting go of the old…..and it is the strength He has added to my faith that makes it still cling to Him despite no assurance of anything.

Oh, I'm not fully free, if I ever will be, but God is still pointing the way and whispering words of preparation for a world that He's opened for me to journey in with His Truth, His Mercy and for His Glory. The dream, though personal and unique to my perspective, is expanding beyond my wildest imaginations.


Paul Ferre's website is www.paulferree.com that is his 'tent making' conjunction to his ministry. His blog, how to become a missionary is at www.howtobecomeamissionary.com . John Eldridge's devotionals are sent from the website of his Ransomed Heart ministry that you can sign up for at www.ransomedheart.com.

Following the work God would do.........

I don't know if this is going to be a 'smooth' flowing blog post today.....God has me in such a disrupted state that I just let it go......The harvest, He keeps whispering, is ready and the workers few, will you join Me where I call?"

"Thus says the LORD: “Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls”" (Jeremiah 6:16, ESV)

Dare I hope that the day has come where I see the positive movement of God within the context of my story, no longer at the behest of the writer but through the hand of the Ghost writer that has been writing the whole breathe and width of the human story since its inception at the breath of God into the formed lump of clay?

If so, the vision is unlike the shape and color of that moment in October where I heard the LORD speak to me as Gene Apell stood upon the stage at the mega-church of Bill Hybels and spoke of his ministry; neighborhood communities. Being so newly minted into the new creature that God enables upon rebirth, I find it funny sometimes how convinced, convicted and even 'rejectful' of that moment in time, a scant eight months since the experience that would forever change my life's direction and would bring me into full view of the enemy's ill will, that I was.

It surely hasn't translated into assurance, edification and mentoring in the whole-wide body of Christ, even five years plus later....except in those 'pockets' of believers that have stepped into the messiness of life and seen the mark of God's annointing, that band of brothers, and sisters, who move into the messiness of life with more than just words of life but a positive movement that speaks louder than words could ever convey.

A faint glimpse that powerful October call seems to be now; the width and depth of the need within the body of Christ, not just worldwide but especially within the 'hallowed halls' of the westernized church that is slowly dying in the postmoderistic, universalist and agenda-ridden environment of the American experience has never seemed to be more in need of those faithfully called to ministry and yet so rejectful of those so called. "A prophet is not welcomed in his own town" has rang true throughout my experience here at home in the land of my birth.

The barely understood journey from the beloved boy that God created who was killed in his infancey to the godly man; still forming, still growing and still wounded as he faces that death and finds God's restorative, resurrecting power even in the midst of his past....testifies to the mighty works the Lord is doing within its confines and the broader scope of its use for the Kingdom.

It seems to be the mode operandi that God has used in my life; a simple question, a scriptural reference, or even a study that, once considered, becomes a moment of choice that becomes a journey of learning, seeking and realization that becomes a clear vision of God's working in and around me in my life...wherever it is and how ever it has been lived......that becomes a desire to declare its clarity in the lives around me and then another question, simply put, that brings me full-circle into the process.

Sometimes the process is seemingly effortless, those simple truths that cascade through the moments like a waterfall....one simply gives in to its powerful truth. More often though, the process is very difficult, exceedingly painful and in its entrity not all that much fun....but it is like a stream, still of the same element, but slower as it whittles the hardened rock to its eventual collaspe.

And, in the darkness of human despair, depression, loss, struggle and tribulation when the dark fluidity of the night seems to press upon me with the liquid heaviness of blood, I find the strength born of fear, faith and an undeniable hope that causes me to reach out to those things I fear the most for substainable substance in the midst of it all. Other men, relationship and community.

It is still a source of amazement to me at the power of God in the controlling and issuance of His word from the mouth of another brother or sister that, even in its actual context, speaks different words to each of those He has touched to be compelled by its utterance. Recently, my current home church completed the process of securing funding and the ownership (with mortgage) of a parcel of land where the Lead Pastor has envisioned a dream for God's work in the Holly Area. The pastor called upon the congregation to be a participator in God's work, not a spectator.

"One day Jonathan the son of Saul said to the young man who carried his armor, "Come, let us go over to the Philistine garrison on the other side." But he did not tell his father. Saul was staying in the outskirts of Gibeah in the pomegranate cave at Migron. The people who were with him were about six hundred men, including Ahijah the son of Ahitub, Ichabod's brother, son of Phinehas, son of Eli, the priest of the LORD in Shiloh, wearing an ephod. And the people did not know that Jonathan had gone. Within the passes, by which Jonathan sought to go over to the Philistine garrison, there was a rocky crag on the one side and a rocky crag on the other side. The name of the one was Bozez, and the name of the other Seneh. The one crag rose on the north in front of Michmash, and the other on the south in front of Geba. Jonathan said to the young man who carried his armor, "Come, let us go over to the garrison of these uncircumcised. It may be that the LORD will work for us, for nothing can hinder the LORD from saving by many or by few." And his armor-bearer said to him, "Do all that is in your heart. Do as you wish. Behold, I am with you heart and soul." Then Jonathan said, "Behold, we will cross over to the men, and we will show ourselves to them. If they say to us, 'Wait until we come to you,' then we will stand still in our place, and we will not go up to them. But if they say, 'Come up to us,' then we will go up, for the LORD has given them into our hand. And this shall be the sign to us." So both of them showed themselves to the garrison of the Philistines. And the Philistines said, "Look, Hebrews are coming out of the holes where they have hidden themselves." And the men of the garrison hailed Jonathan and his armor-bearer and said, "Come up to us, and we will show you a thing." And Jonathan said to his armor-bearer, "Come up after me, for the LORD has given them into the hand of Israel." Then Jonathan climbed up on his hands and feet, and his armor-bearer after him. And they fell before Jonathan, and his armor-bearer killed them after him. And that first strike, which Jonathan and his armor-bearer made, killed about twenty men within as it were half a furrow's length in an acre of land." (1 Samuel 14:1-14 ESV)

An exercise of the heart, like Jonathan's boldness in the face of an larger foe, doesn't start with worldly and human motives, but speaks of a boldness of the faith within; we know the brokenness of the world, the depravity of it and its soothing way of destruction, yet we live in a state of peace...worship...and blessing because our Lord is real. We mourn for the world, speak into the darkness because of this awareness and proclaim through the worship of our lives the Good News of the Lord. We don't ignore the enemy at our gates, nor do we wait underneath the relative comfort of our church walls and offer burnt sacrifices to cover our inaction.

As we were taught to pray, the desire of the children of God should be nothing more than to do the will of the Father on earth, by whatever means necessary without the compromising of the tenents and commandments that already exist. It is that desire that is so dominant in the bedrock of our foundations that we don't think twice about what He speaks, but have brought it into the light of His purpose and are given a peace about its truthfulness. A Participator, as my pastor would say, rather than a spectator.

"Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven." Matthew 6:10


This desire doesn't seem to make sense to others, yet many have left the comfort of support, security and familiarity at great personal cost to follow the Lord's will in their story. When we fail at the duties because of our own foolishness, disbelief or fearfulness, we hurt.....not because of our fear the Father but because we love Him so much. We rush headlong into the world where our Father is working around us, as John Eldridge points out, "out of desire" as Jesus did, "for the joy set before Him." The depth of His desire to be where His Father was, serving alongside His Father and bringing His Father that joy that comes from His child, indeed all of His children, was evident as He was scourged, beaten and crucified. The fierciness of His passion, His sorrow and His love touch our lives and draw us into the world He left us in to "perform things greater than these."

The life of a follower of Christ, a believer, is nothing more than a 'holy longing' that is never fulfilled but that grows stronger and stronger as we walk towards that final hilltop and view our Father's house arrayed before us....for that is where the saints who have gone before and those who will gaze into the skies and see the mighty Savior's return all are going.....the familiar treaded, harden pathways are permanently etched into the fabric of this world and yet it is only those who have learned to 'groan inwardly as' they 'wait eagerly' under increasing desire. A question, spoken by a dear friend of years, was a simple one; laughed off as 'yeah, right'.....for its sheer laughidity and utter improbability. Then another, when it was laughingly repeated, looked intent as words were spoken, "Maybe you will be...." Again, a shake of the head by the sheer folly of the very idea.......and the issue drops into the back drawer, forgotten for a time.

"O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me." (Psalm 139:1)

There is no denying God those things we wish to hide from the consuming fire of the passion He ignites in our faith, properly directed, in His purpose for us. A 'purpose' that isn't some block on the big board of God's construction projects where He grumbles, conjoles and entices us to finish our specific 'contracted' part of the building but something that was uniquely designed by Him for us to use to show our thankfulness and love for Him....like a father making known what he would like for Father's day and then helping his children make it. God has searched us, literally penetrated deep into our being and knows us intimately...our tendencies under the old nature, our fears and our ability to do the job at hand. He can even see the formation of words before they gain shape enough for our utterances....we are totally transparent to Him and only the blood of Christ saves us from that condemnation that is the result of sin. There is no hiding.


God loves us in spite of what we have become, and where we will fail and yet, He lives in the knowledge, the understanding, of what we can be through the gift of eternal life, the transformation that takes place and the journey that continues until we come to a place before the throne and find ourselves what He's always known we will be.

And if that is all true, then who are we when in the fire of the consuming passion to judge when we are 'sent forth' rather than 'dropping what [we] are doing and following Him?' We should follow the examples set forth by the saints of old….from the apostles through the early church fathers to the saints that have been fading from the American landscape as the church grows more distant from the origins of its birth…..and the Head Priest that gave her to us to care for….

Like George Mueller, quoted in "Experiencing God",

"I never remember…..a period…..that I ever sincerely and patiently sought to know the will of God by the teaching of the Holy Ghost, through the instrumentality of the Word of God, but I have been always directed rightly. But if honesty of heart and uprightness before God were lacking, or if I did not patiently wait upon God for instruction, or if I preferred the counsel of my fellow men to the declarations of the Word of the living God, I made great mistakes."

Only by sincerely seeking God's direction, waiting on Him to supply the Word to go forth with and looking to the Spirit to teach through the written Words of God, we are only running after our own agenda, our own wishes of glory and greatness that haunt the flesh of this corrupt body……forgoing forthrightness, uprightness and patience to follow the counsel of men who are themselves broken and corrupted.

So, as this question blooms into a choice to join God in the work He is doing, I seek to bring myself into a place where my will is absent, leaving this choice to follow not subject to feeling or whim and seek the Will, Word and Motivation of the Spirit of God, the Holy Counselor, through prayer, study and reflection.

And the possibilities are enormous, frightening to the flesh and peaceful to the spirit.

God's Will....not dependent on ours....

"I am the vine, you are the branches. The one who abides in me while I abide in him produces much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5 ISV)

I've rejoined the Men's group that I had originally quit to answer the need in the Awana's program (children's ministry at The River). They are studying the book by Henry T. Blackaby and Claude V. King called "Experiencing God: Knowing and doing the Will of God." This study was previously done by the women's group that my friend Cherie attended and in which I saw steady, definable growth by her in her walk. She asked me what I hoped to discover taking such a 'basic' course, a compliment to my spiritual knowledge I guess. I told her, this is the only way to establish relationships that will enable me to create my own bible study group, at least by church philosophy. I finally received the study book and started on it to 'catch up' to the group.

We equate spiritual strength and vitality with wisdom. The wisdom that is reflected in a 'spiritual' walk...i.e. church attendance, social repentance and the shadowy land of 'good fruit'. If you struggle, well it must be because you're not repentant, not being spiritual or -horror of all horrors, unsaved. God is good, and promises the world for us...prosperity, victory and happiness. Therefore, you're not taking ahold of God's promises if you're none of those things. The poor of this world must not be following God, the defeated of the world must not know God's grace and those who aren't happy must not be realizing the joy of the LORD. If we pray for God's will in our lives, and are met with silence…then we must either not be willing to listen or praying the 'right' prayer. We must have a 12-step, an action plan or the vision of a grand campus in which all the ministries we are enticed by can be gathered into one location….or we must not be in God's will for our lives. As I've been told in my quest to answer the call God's placed upon me…one that I thought was simply to function as a 'mouthpiece' for Him….but is so much more (and nothing like I would believe it would/should be); God will provide, if you are indeed anointed to His calling.

Blackaby/King's book is an opportunity for me to slack the sails and let the ship slow down a bit…so that God, walking with me in the midst of this journey, can get a few paces ahead so that I can see the fullness of what He has given me of Himself so far. The authors hit you right in the eyes in the first few pages: "What is God's will for my life? -- is not the right question. I think the right question is, What is God's will?" Dr. Gaines S. Dobbins, a seminary professor the author learned under, is quoted. "If you ask the wrong question, you are going to get the wrong answer." If we want to know God's will, we cannot conform it to the narrow view of our life but must look at God's will and bring ourselves into conformance with it so we can experience God.

Most Christians want instant solutions to the problems they present to their congregational friends, pastor and fellow believers. A child's death should be experienced in the context of the unknown, rather than sitting in the sorrow and grief. A financial burden, well…financial stewardship must be implemented or else assistance won't be forthcoming. The recurrence of sin; you must not be accountable enough or must not be truly repentant. Few stand reflective of the example set by Jesus and what one of my mentors, Scott Engelman, calls a "wise elder". A Christian with passionate convictions about God, His people and this life that come from biblical revelation who moves in wise, powerful and sensitive ways into other people's lives with a godly vision of spiritual maturity with implications of possible continuing struggles with the problems experienced in those lives. The focus is always on God, not our lives or the life problems of others, but what God is doing and how experiences, circumstances and spiritual maturity will look are being used for God's purpose and plan. "What is God doing?" Scott would say. As Blackaby/King ask, are we as the body of Christ, ready to go forward without a clear idea of what God's will ultimately will look like? Or do we require a step-by-step description of what going forward in God's will ultimately will look like? One way relies on God's eyesight, the other our own.

God calls us to an intimate and personal relationship with Him, not for our own gratification or prosperity, but solely for the purposes to which we were created, purposed and are designed for by His own hand. Through the experience of being in the Word, living a life absent of agenda (i.e. this is what I need to be comfortable now) and pursuing God, we find ourselves confronted with our selfishness and protective old nature..coaxed into demanding recognition by the enemy who's only avenue left for our disillusionment is to demand God give us His promises in the context of our own reality. The children never die, finances are always on track and God sends us only where we want to go with a itinerary of what is going to be accomplished.

We want to live our lives under God's protection in the ways we can look without effort for His hand in it. We subject our will to His, as long as it is convenient and we know what He will do with it.

Leonardo da Vinci, who is known as an excellent painter, sculptor, poet, architect, engineer, city planner, scientist, inventor, anatomist, military genius, and philosopher said:

"Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer, since to remain constantly at work will cause you to lose power of judgment…Go some distance away because then the work appears smaller, and more of it can be taken in at a glance, and lack of harmony or proportion more readily seen."

Sometimes in that pursuit of knowing God, we have to stop and take stock of what we've learned….in essence, allow God to get a bit ahead of us (not out of sight, but where we can see the fullness of what He's shown us so far). The corrupted old nature still sways and pulls us, redeemed sinners, into paths and degrees of error that can only be realized when we stop and check for a course correction. Granted, if we only kept our eyes on the compass….i.e. God….we wouldn't have to fear such deviations….but we don't, even the 'most' spiritual of us and only a few degrees of error, over time, can lead to disastrous course variations in our journey towards home and the pursuit of God.

It is when we are still in the water, the sails limp upon the masthead and the waves rocking the deck beneath our feet (whether gently or violently) is when we approach our understanding of God, and that intimate relationship, the closest. And we realize that some of the tasks, the assignments and even directions that God beckoned us to join Him in don't seem logical or even worthwhile when He first spoke but in the fullness of the journey, we can see the wisdom of His plan. Too many times, though, we refuse to go without a logical explanation detailing the design and wisdom of God. We speak our dogma with such requirement, we seek out our teachers who can espouse it in our language and 'correct' our scriptural understanding to fit God's word into our demandedness.

Abraham, having the fulfilled promise God made him in Isaac, was told by God to take him to "a mountain" in the Moriah region so he could be a burnt offering. God didn't even tell Abraham which mountain, only that it would be 'one….I will tell you about." (Genesis 22:2) Abraham didn't have the guarantee that things would end the way they did….God didn't provide such information to him. Obedience without cost is easy and empty, for there is no faith engaged in such obedience that doesn't require us to believe in the illogical. So much of the 'basics' are easily understood, but when we get into the depth and width of God….the logic is hidden from us, just over the horizon.

It is when God calls us to join Him in the impossible, the incalculable and the unknowable that obedience becomes a walk of faith….a willingness to walk into the furnace that kills even the tenders….to journey the desert for forty years following a cloud by day and pillar of fire by night…or even to journey into the darkness and sorrow of our past to give witness and voice to that which we would deny and are certain means death. Obedience born of faith that seems illogical, that carries impossibly heavy cost (even the cost of a promise God has given) or is so beyond what we consider to be our 'calling' is were God walks closest to us because we live through that faith….a faith that believes God can kill all our dreams, remove all our promises and blessings but that He also has the power to resurrect them, restore them and fulfill them.

We have to face that which is our most deepest fear, journey back into the timeless pain of a chaotic and troubling childhood to face those giants that stand in the way of God's victorious mercy. Why doesn't God just heal us without that accounting? Without reliance upon God to face those giants, we will equip ourselves with the armor of our choosing and find ourselves ill-fitted to journey alongside our brethren in their struggles. We become counterproductive to the cause of the Kingdom and ineffective in the Potter's hands.

Paul tells us that we should 'rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." (Romans 5:3-5) In the times to come, whether facing the giants of our past, dealing with the human tendency of self in our dealings inside and outside the family of God or even growing closer to God in the intimate relationship of His will and our lives; we will need faith tested that has persevered to the point of unshakeable and undeniable hope. For in the end of all things, hope is all we have left.

God calls us to bring our garbage to Him for disposal. To be burned in the righteousness of His forgiveness, cleansed by His grace and redeemed by His mercy. Not so that we can live a life prosperous by the standards of the world; wealth, health and glory but so that we can more clearly see a God who defies all understanding and is more powerful that the most complex of our problems. So that we can reflect to a darkened world a light that is unworldly, simplistic and clear by living a life that is illogical in the face of our wounds, our situations and our circumstances.

In a kingdom long ago, there was a murder committed in the light of day. A King killed his beloved son, the literal image-bearer of his face to whom he found displeasure for the apparent handicaps of his wisdom, knowledge and vitality. No justification could or has been given for this murdering, no accounting has been given for its commission. One of the perpetrators of this dastardly deed has walked into the ultimate judgment and another still wanders the worldly hallways of dark freedom….yet the crime must be attributed and assignment of guilt given. God mourns the loss of that beloved son and wants to bring resurrection, restoration and purposed joy to the corpse of that son that still wanders the world….

An illogical trip into the darkness of my childhood is where God whispers to me to go; to journey into the void created and to find that beloved son, without a promise of victory and a proclamation of healing…..but I have faith that God can take me into that place and that He can resurrect that lost child for the promotion of His glory.