Balance

“Some of you would like it if I said we were going to find a healthy balance between unhealthy extremes……..when we are referring to God, balance is a huge MISTAKE. God is not just one thing we add to the mix called life.” Francis Chan, Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect Of The Holy Spirit. (Emphasis and italics added)

I can remember back when I thought I had achieved the pinnacle of God’s purpose for me. It was a frightening time……the two weeks before I was set to give my first ‘sermon’ as an certified Community Chaplain at Meadowbrook Chapel in Novi Michigan. This was Mark’s chapel, a dear friend of mine whom had passed after an accident a few months before I called his dad to see if I could help out with the chapel ministry. And, as Reverend John had told me when I called, specific prayer had been said continuously for months for me, not just someone but me, to come and assume the chapel duties. Pretty high expectations, even with the ones I have always put on myself especially when handling God’s Word.

So much so was this heavy feeling of expectation and rightful fear that the completed sermon was about twenty-five pages thick…..complete with commentaries on the specific verses, combinations of various translations of the verses and some ‘filler’ material from some of the top theologians (properly attributed, of course) in case I totally BOMBED, which in my eyes was a definite probability given the deliverer of it.

As my children will loudly and swiftly declare, I am very seldom late for anything. If there is a fault with me in this area of my life, it is that I am chronically and almost embarrassing (definitely if you talk to my kids) extremely early for events and meetings. Needless to say, I showed up at the extended care nursing facility where the chapel was held about an hour early. I ran up to Dunkin’ Donuts to get a cup of coffee and came back…..still majorly early. So I did something that would become a tradition with me ever since; I took out my book of my sermon and proceeded to pray over it.

And I realized that I wasn’t going to preach that Sunday.

Its where I got the nickname from some of my congregation there at Meadowbrook of “Toilet paper chaplain.” Because, as I began to pray and seek out God’s true plan in the service that was to be my first (at where I perceived my ‘high spot’ in purposed living to God’s kingdom building plans), the gentle and teasing voice whispered to my heart saying “Nice preparation……now are you prepared for My material?” and so on, a Father’s proud and steady voice whispering His satisfaction and joy at this son’s stepping into uncomfortable ground for the sake of the Purpose. The forty-five minutes that I was ‘early’ for the service went by quickly, it seemed. Towards the end of the prayer time, God directed me to three specific verses.

All I had to write on was a piece of toilet paper that was in the backseat (why I don’t know).

Hence, the nickname, for it wouldn’t be the last time. Not by a long shot. Most of the time, I would listen to God’s gentle and sometimes not so gentle prompting and come in with a flimsy piece of toilet paper (yes, I kept a roll in my car from then on) that had some scribbled verses or comments on it. I realized as the chapel service I was committed to progressed beyond the ‘four month trial’ period I had agreed to into six, then eight months. Through Easter and Christmas and the death of one of the original saints who had ‘built’ the chapel (and prayed specific prayer for me to be the chaplain). Through my ordination in January of 2008 and up to my hiatus from the Chapel that became permanent months later due to other events in my life.

“….do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit.” Mark 13:11b NIV

Before the first New York Mission Trip to the Bowery Street Mission, I jotted down several verses that God had impressed upon my heart for some (at the time) unknown reason. I was apprehensive about the NYC trip because it was far from home and I had realized by that time in my journey that when you walk into situations where God is, you are going to meet up personal and close with Him. And my ‘natural’ dislike for the homeless (due to personal impact and experience) made me nervous about properly ‘displaying’ God to the men and community that I would be immersed in for a week.

Then the leader of the group found out I was a chaplain (I found out later I was ‘ratted’ out).

I gave one service that year, spending an hour in one of the staff’s office seeking God’s direction among the scribbled verse references that I had stuffed into my bible. And I began another ‘tradition’, closing my eyes and envisioning not the words I would say or the dramatic prose I’d seek to emulate from other great speakers I have been blessed to see and witness. No, it was envisioning the, well, flow for the lack of a better description. Seeing how the tide of God’s word would surge upon the shoreline of the world and regress back out to sea only to come back stronger and with more power before it again swept the unprepared back out to the vast ocean. For that is how the Word of God hits me and impacts me……..like the waves of the ocean hitting the beach until I have lost my grip on my faith and my pride to be swept into the immensity of Him.
I had a small piece of paper in which I outlined my ‘sermon’ and as soon as I opened my mouth to speak, promptly skipped most of it.

The next year, I was ‘prepared’ better since I knew I was going to give the majority of the sermons (six in all) during the week. The paper I carry up to the pulpit was less, more of a scribble than a step-by-step outline to follow. It is always great to see the impact of God’s Word when He is allowed to speak, allowed to overcome you and use you to be His voice, His love and His conviction to those whom He has gathered to the place to worship, find and understand Him.

I could never give the same sermon twice and would probably be hard pressed to recall the specific examples and conversations that were given during its pronouncement.

But in every opportunity where I gave the Holy Spirit His due and His desire to speak through me, to use my hands and my feet to carry God’s Word to those He had purposed to hear it, I always had someone come up after and tell me how it spoke to them or to a situation…..how genuine and impactful it was and how it was evident how much I was in that spiritual ‘sweet spot’ that God uses to show us the miraculous and promised joy of being ‘on purpose’ for His plan.

It wasn’t a collaboration or a regurgitation of some private time between me and God. It was a transparent time in God’s Word where there were others who, at their own choosing and the Spirit’s opening their eyes, would share in the Word that God wanted to speak into our lives.

And it seems to extend for me outside the purpose of being a chaplain in charge of Chapel Services. In everything that I am uncomfortable in, or would rather not do, there comes a comfortable replacement when I get myself to let go after I step into the circumstances or situation and allow the Spirit to be the voice, the movement and the focus.

Totally out of balance……..All God.

The perfect way to be in God’s purpose.

God moment....

“God, Your faithful love is so valuable that people take refuge in the shadow of Your wings. They are filled from the abundance of Your house; You let them drink from Your refreshing stream, for with You is life's fountain. In Your light we will see light. Spread Your faithful love over those who know You, and Your righteousness over the upright in heart.” (Psalms 36:7-10 HCSB)

It is not that often, gathered with the immediate members of the vast family of God, that my mind wanders and my thoughts drift away from the course of the message being given or the lesson being taught. Because I so love to listen to the virtues of the Word and the imagery that He’s given to someone about a particular passage or thought that is being expounded upon. I used to be, in the earliest of my new life, particular about the whole ‘functionality’ of the pastorship and those who are put (or put themselves) into positions of leadership for a congregation simply because it was MY ears they were reaching and it was MY family in which they were ‘in charge.’ I’m probably not alone in that, and it is a sad state of affairs that the body is so fractured because of the human side of the equation…..we still tend to elevate those in pastoral, directorship and even elderships into extremely isolated pockets were only the godly can walk (or so we assume) and the righteous lounge without fear of eviction (or so we believe).

It is not that often even absent of the fellow believers that I know (even if they don’t know me) that I wander when approaching the manner of being in the Word. There have been only a few times, and a few choice places, where the ‘fortunate’ occurrence takes place….without my noticing, at least in the beginning…

I call them ‘God-moments’ because the clarity and profound peace that I feel during them can only mean He is very near……..molecules of air close…..

Worship was heightened for me today, I just couldn’t seem to stop smiling even as my heart was carried away by the essence of the songs…the words both meaningless and profoundly impacting, even though I’ve heard them before. The worship band, led by Marshall Mobley, performed both as they normally do (exceptional) and with an apparent brush of the divine whispering amongst the chords and strums, beats and depressions made on the musical instruments and interspersed among the amplified voices of the singers. It wasn’t that Nellie Fowles was helping or even that she gave a powerful reading from the Word, stepping boldly into a powerful song with a heart dripping with the passion brought on by the Holy Spirit…something I’ve seen her do, miles away behind some dark red doors in a environment called New York City.

Maybe it was her voice so burdened with a heart for God that tripped the ‘God moment’ for me, or at least started the turning of my world into the mystical, peaceful and charged place where God sits in the Holy of Holies. If so, I owe her a debt of thanks.

Maybe it was the heartfelt prayer before service, where I asked to be emptied of the blessings given before that moment so that all could be filled with an overwhelming, overfilling amount of the Spirit so that we were driven into the streets burning with the flame of the redeemed.

Maybe it was my son, as they read off the announcements today and the Bowery Street Mission trip was once again mentioned, who tugged on my arm and whispered as I leaned close, “You’re going there, Dad!”

Most likely, it was simply a matter of God’s success in getting and securing my attention beyond the realm of the physical and the mental. A firm grip on the hand of His son, a moment where the world was put on hold as we sat together and He displayed the wonders of the plans that He set aside for me even before the world I know began. A simple invitation to “Come, worship Me.”

I know it wasn’t Shannon Nielsen, the lead pastor for the church I go to called Mosaic A2, and his need today to expound upon the minutia of the story of Jacob, Leah and Rachel that is the central focus for the topic today from Tim Keller’s book, Counterfeit Gods….. how marrying your cousin and marrying more than one wife was not the ‘truth’ of the Bible but rather humanity’s customs at the time that bothered me to the point of drifting, though I was bothered by the necessity that seemed to overwhelm the meat of the topic today, “Love is not all you need”, by a defense of what was being read. A momentary thought of annoyance drifted in my mind and was gone, as was my centering on the voice coming from the stage.

I spotted Shannon Carey sitting down in the seats on the main level (I have taken to sitting in the back upper level, off to the side) and I was filled with a happiness for her, a certain and expressed ‘knowing’ that whatever God was facing with her, whatever dealings He whispered in her ears as she swam the mighty oceans of His Word or whatever prompting He was gently prodding her with was a great and mighty thing that is leading her closer and closer to the ‘sweet spot’ He’s reserved for her even before her world was begun. I would’ve loved to be a part of that, just to watch it unfold in the life of such a special daughter of God, but that seems to be a momentary, selfish wish that isn’t going to happen. Maybe it was meant to be but was altered by the wounds of this world, but I think it wasn’t meant to unfold other than the way it did. Still, I know our paths will cross again someday as God draws us both into the paths He would have us walk as we journey towards home. And in the end of it all, that is what matters. Today, that was a moment glimpsed that God gave me to settle a part of this life.

There were others in the group, this band of members that I fellowship with silently among the borders of their community, where I felt a heightened sense of “blam, there He is” or “Hoooray, He walks there”….. some that I have known and been known by and others who, though part of the same family and community, have never crossed that invisible line between seen and being known. But each seemed to glow with a certain light or a different posture that whispered “God’s there” to me.

For me, I was ensnared by the picture I carry in my bible from the Bowery trip last year, one of many that are stuck in the zippered outer compartment of my bible pack……..one of the Red Bowery Doors and nothing else.

I want to go back to behind those doors, I realized today, with a very intense and powerful desire. Tim Keller tells us to think about what we daydream and what whispers in the darkness of our sleep, for there are what the gods of our lives reside and drawn their enslavement of our hearts from. Even good things, born of a desire that shadows out God and replaces our relationship with Him for the objects hidden behind our mind’s eye. It is not my desire to go to the Bowery Street Mission because it’s a week away from the kids, family responsibility and a chance to travel; nor because I want to be preaching again at the famous Bowery Chapel where Presidents and other notable figures have stood and given God’s Word to the community there. In the intensity of the God-moment today, it was simply one reason and one reason alone.

To be joyfully broken by my God.

To be used as an instrument after being crafted again at His hand, to embolden and incite a community and to be a piece of the work that is being overseen by the Holy Spirit and those God has emplaced in that city to be His eyes, ears, hands and feet to a people who would turn from His salvation for the lack of experience.

The money needed to go will come, the ‘babysitter’ for the kids will be identified and the experience of the Bowery will once again grow me further and farther than I have been in a week for in the midst of the desire to be an instrument for the caring of His people, both the lost and the found, there is the welcomed opportunity to be shaped and molded by walking alongside Him in the work He is doing.

As the service wound down and the moment that I was given to walk hand in hand, step to step with my God faded into the backdrop of this reality, all I could do is whisper;

“Wow, what a great and mighty God is He……”

A life reflective....

"A whip for the horse, a halter for the donkey, and a rod for the backs of fools! Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes. Like cutting off one's feet or drinking violence is the sending of a message by the hand of a fool. Like a lame man's legs that hang limp is a proverb in the mouth of a fool. Like tying a stone in a sling is the giving of honor to a fool. Like a thornbush in a drunkard's hand is a proverb in the mouth of a fool. Like an archer who wounds at random is he who hires a fool or any passer-by. As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly." Proverbs 26:3-11(NIV)

Pastor Jim Combs jr., of the River church in Holly spoke of what he feels is the greatest deception that has hit the church of today; that has been the message given in error in recent times. That a prayer prayed accepting Christ as your savior isn't salvation. Although I disagree with the premise that this is a misconception promoted in the church and not instead a miscommunication of what salvation is, I agree with what Combs said next; proof of a relationship, that following of Christ, comes from the change in the person claiming salvation.

Good works, while not a vehicle of salvation, is a result of salvation and the change in the personal life of each believer happens through the power of the Holy Spirit, given to each who believe.

The journey is in the realization, that empowers the change.

But we hate change, as a people. We don't want to 'wing' the future, we'd rather be able to predict and control that which comes our way. The world, if we had our way, would be full of rich, content, and untroubled people. We want to return to a life that we never knew but somehow know that it is what we were meant to have.

This conflict between what we ourselves are able to do and that which we long for is the genesis of seeking God, defining Him, and seeking favor with Him. And, a majority of even the born again Christian family spend their time running from the latest 'new' idea to the next.

We wind up with fools leading fools, claiming God wants us to have an abundant life according to our definition of the word, to be healthy according to our demand for the condition, and a purpose that is 'light and easy'.

It still amazes me that there are so many in the family that are following a light, low-carb diet of Scriptural instruction and truth. It confounds me that others cannot see where certain misquotes and outright lies of God's desires are nothing more than man's defining what God is capable of.

But rather than argue a pointless debate, I'll simply follow where God leads me and, if asked, give my beliefs about whatever topic. Let the enemy fight the battle with anger and mistruth. I'll defend where God calls me to defend and attack where God calls me to attack. For the furtherance of His Plan, not mine.

"Wise men have need to be directed how to deal with fools; and they have never more need of wisdom than in dealing with such," Matthew Henry states in his Commentary on the Whole Bible, "to know when to keep silence and when to speak, for there may be a time for both."

Matthew Henry says it best in the rest of his commentary, "In some cases a wise man will not set his wit to that of a fool so far as to answer him according to his folly "If he boast of himself, do not answer him by boasting of thyself. If he rail and talk passionately, do not thou rail and talk passionately too. If he tell one great lie, do not thou tell another to match it. If he calumniate thy friends, do not thou calumniate his. If he banter, do not answer him in his own language, lest thou be like him, even thou, who knowest better things, who hast more sense, and hast been better taught." Yet, in other cases, a wise man will use his wisdom for the conviction of a fool, when, by taking notice of what he says, there may be hopes of doing good, or at least preventing further, mischief, either to himself or others. "If thou have reason to think that thy silence will be deemed an evidence of the weakness of thy cause, or of thy own weakness, in such a case answer him, and let it be an answer ad hominem-to the man, beat him at his own weapons, and that will be an answer ad rem-to the point, or as good as one. If he offer any thing that looks like an argument, an answer that, and suit thy answer to his case. If he think, because thou dost not answer him, that what he says is unanswerable, then give him an answer, lest he be wise in his own conceit and boast of a victory.""

The wise man will treat each creature, even his or her fellow man, in the appropiate manner as the Psalmist points out; a horse as a horse, an ass as an ass, and a careless, profligate sinner as a careless, profligate sinner. We cannot expect a horse to act like a human, even though behaviors may be learned where they seem to be so; They are creatures, given by God for us to rule over....notice, I did not say mistreat!...under His plan.

To be effective witnesses for the Truth, we need to be in relationship with those to whom we would save. We have to know the person so that we can fit our wisdom to the personality of the person, to end the endless and cyclic debate to bring them to God's proving grounds.

If something we hear sounds foolish, even if it is wrought with scriptural clippings, it will bear no fruit, even though it is 'quoted' word from the Bible. Only the truth, the word from God as spoke and meant by God, will bear fruit---never to return barren. But scriptural interpretation that is void of substance is nothing more than man's word flavored with 'spiritual' mumble jumbo.

Our journey home isn't designed to be a coasting job, constantly going downhill with little effort and no painful movement. That is what a slothful man feels is right. It is foolishness to declare ourselves for God and then frighten ourselves from doing what He calls us to do because we imagine difficulties beyond our wildest dreams. There is nothing that we cannot do in Christ, and there is no difficulty to overcome in answering God's call to purpose for each of us.....other than what we ourselves design and excuse ourselves with.

"My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power. - 1 Corinthians 2:4–5

In his article entitled, A Letter From God, Patrick M. Morley sums up what a changed life looks like. In the life you have lived since accepting the salvational gift, is this how you live your life?

Morley envisions God telling us to;

"Live in the shadow of the cross. Soon, my son, you will see me face to face."

Proof of our salvation, I believe,looks like that in the lives of the True Followers of Christ.

"But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and of silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some to honour, and some to dishonour. If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work." 2 Timothy 2:20-21

The first thing that greeted me at work this morning when I arrived was my neighbor in the bay next to me, who knows that I'm a Christian (we've had many discussions). He looked at me and simply said, "You know that God of yours? You can tell him for me to kiss my a**. He took my grandmother last night."

I told him, "I can understand your feelings, I recently lost my grandmother. I hope that it was a peaceful passing and I hope that the journey home for your parents is uneventful. As for me telling God, you can honestly do that yourself. I'll pray for your peace and comfort in this trying time." Not exactly what one is taught in the chaplain training, or what usually would've come out of my mouth. "I'm sorry for your loss. I'll pray for you." would've been my standard reply.

Four years ago, the standard response would've been given without any more thought. And, even with the standard sorrow greeting, I would've just thought...'Gee, I've got alot of worse and more immediate problems than that. Your grandmother lived a long time, it happens." A callous response, not totally uncaring, but dismissive all the same.

Involvement in this guy's life isn't one of my top choices; he constantly ridicules my faith, my beliefs, and my God. But God's put me here next to him. For a reason I assume. That is a change from the way I was, but that wasn't the biggest thing that confronted me today.

Faced with a impending loss of my residence because I cannot pay the rent, the lawsuit that will surely follow because of the breaking of the lease agreement, the continued problems with the vehicle that I drive to and from, my daughter's emotional struggles, my son's congitive impairment, the situation with my soon-to-be ex wife and her health issues, the bleak and dismal outlook of my job of five years being laid off because of the automotive market, the beak and equally dismal outlook of me going back to school (a 42,000 price tag), and the beating I'm taking from myself in regards to all of that..........

My first thoughts weren't of myself and the disaster looming over the horizon, but of my coworker's statement, the sorrow and loss, and the grief that wrapped itself around the anger and mistrust of God that this young man has. I wondered how this would be best handled, how Christ would've answered this young man's grief. And I started to pray. For wisdom, for guidance, and to give this young man a glimpse and a bit of heaven's peace.

His grandmother was a believer, he told me. She was in good health, at least appearance wise, and this was definately unexpected. She was travelling Europe, a life long dream, with his parents who were now coming back home with a inert body that once was his grandmother, his mother's mother.

"You can see her again, you know." I told him, before we began our workday that separates us widely despite the physical proximity.

"Yeah," he said as he turned away. "Say some prayers for my parents and me."

"I always do and will continue." I replied. He gave a brief smile and turned away.

A seed planted. I look forward to the possible growth.

And I thanked God for the opportunity to represent Him in this crazy and chaotic world we have to live in......

I've finished Dr. Larry Crabb's book Finding God, and find myself in the unique (well, not so unique in Michigan anymore) position where I am at that crossroad between the actual beginning of the destruction of the fallen structure I have lived with for most of my life and the rebuliding of a godly structure, where I long to set hammer to nail to begin the work before me.

As I cried out in my stress, my grief, and my pain to God, "Where are you?", He answered.

Not by giving me a financial windfall that will answer my bills or shelter needs.

Not by fixing my car of its ailments.

Not by giving me the assurance that everything will be fine with my children.

Not by giving me the glib and quick 'christian' comment to another's sorrow.

And He answered today. "This is what I've called you to do. This and nothing more."

I've been on sabbatical from the chapel ministry. Recently I asked my ministry leader, Chaplain Gotberg, if the offer for ordination was still available even if I didn't return to the chapel on a full-time basis. He said it was. I was going to use the ordination cert to see if that met the Army's qualifications to reenlist and send me to seminary before I serve my obligation of two years for each one of education. But the silence from the recruiting arm of the Army has been ominious in its errie lack of noise.

But it has been on my mind lately to pick up that purpose that I seem to have dropped, to move forward despite the uncertainity, the total lack of confidence, and the ridicule of others that claim the same 'family name' as me. To press on.

It has been a rough, time-consuming, difficult, and personally terrifying trip these last few years as I've fought against the 'floors' of my fallen structure; I doubt God (terror and rage), I need you (demanding dependence), I hate you (interpersonal conflict), I hate me (poor self-image), I will survive (arrogant determination), and Here's how (foolish and self-centered style of relating). All the buried, fallen structure Dr. Crabb says we all have standing in our path of finding God in this broken, sinful, and chaotic world.

I have tried to work at buliding the godly structure, that leads to 'fruitful living', through the slow progression of buliding the floors; I believe God (quietness, trust, worship), I love you (freedom from dependence), I accept you (intimacy), I judge me (repentance and rest), I will obey (humble cooperation and joy), and here's how (wise and other-centered style of relating).

Sometimes the buliding looks like a mottley collection of both structures, intermixed and poorly designed. And other times, I've watched the 'godly structure' fall and began rebuliding the 'fallen one' in its place.

Each time, the godly structure goes up quicker, last longer, and is gaining more preference over the fallen structure when rebuliding is necessary.

"God has a unique call on each one of our lives. Our biggest barriers to true growth in Him comes from our refusal to trust Him to point the way. We are simply often afraid of the unknown so we stop ourselves dead in our own tracks and end up wandering for a season. The amazing grace of God is that even in our wanderings He is guiding us slowly back to the starting gate and then empowering us to bolt free to a future of unlimited possibilities asking only that we stay in His will. Praise Him. He alone is worthy." Carolyn Baker says in her devotional prayer today.

I would have to agree.

I have to trust God because the world seems bent on not having me around, the stack in that place is against me and mine. But, God promises and God delivers, in His way and His time.......but He does.

I will trust God

I will obey God

and I will praise Him in this storm.


side note: I also finished reading The Prophetic Imagination by Walter Brueggemann. Apparently I missed something in the reading, based on the comments by others on my reading list website, www.goodreads.com and other locations on the worldwide web.

I wrote my blog about the book and the author, agonzing about listing it on my blogpage because I am not too happy with the discussion of 'consciousness' and 'alternative realities'. It may be just my heavy heart about the emergent, universalist, and new age predomination that has hit the christian community and is causing it's fracture. Scholar wise, Brueggemann is a intelligent, and thought-provoking authority.

Spiritually, I think he is more of the 'emergent' bent and it shows. But, if you wish to read that article, you can access it on www.faithwriters.com. Look for it under the author name Jim Hutson or under the title "The Prophetic Imagination".
I'd love to get comments from those who read this blog, about either book comment.

Learning under the mentoring of God......

"It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes." —Psalm 119:71(NIV)

It seems sometimes, when I look over the vastness of life, that I will never know the rest of the faithful or the peace of the forgiven because of the oscillation that I go through in my struggles. Sometimes I think God rolls His eyes in frustration at me when I argue the point so passionately with Him and still don't see the purpose behind the storm, the trial, the afflictions, and the pain. He merely points to the cross, that symbol of man's greatest shame and greatest salvation, and I fall to my knees again in abject apology for my arrogance and presumption.

"I am tired of God breaking me upon the mantle of this world," I muttered to someone the other day, "To have to constantly deal with heartache, another sorrow, and another pain…..I'm tired. I'm weak and I am useless." Usually, after slamming my poor body against the wall in front of me, I find myself heaving with exhaustion and aches looking at the door encased in the wall that is unlocked and slightly ajar. "Here," God says, "Is what I wanted you to see."

Sometimes the wall remains.

I expressed my frustration to someone regarding their silence and alienation to a friendship that was once held so dear. I told them that I would rather know what caused it, this falling off, than to develop a hatred for the love that I have for them. They spoke, confirming some things and pointing out wrong assumptions on others. And, though the relationship isn't healed by far, I can walk away with my love for them secure and maybe even matured.

All of these things, from the alienation of my old Home Church to the struggles at work, home, and relationally, are for God's glory-----not mine. All of this pain, not my choice, but His. And I find myself at the breaking point over and over again……stretched out over the altar of God, fearing the dropping of the sacrificial knife, and finding myself redeemed, restored, and renewed.

I don't know if I'll ever pastor in a church, but I know I will impact lives wherever God allows me to serve.

I don't know if I'll ever have peace according to the standards of the world, but I know I will have hope.

I don't know if I'll ever have joy according to my desires, but I know I will serve gladly in whatever capacity I am called in the body.

I may never get what I think I want, but I know I will never have what I don't need. I will never know riches, unless it is to richly bless others. I will not gain stature and fame, unless it is for God's glory. And I will stand before the White Throne of Judgment without fear, because I know I will have done my best to know and follow God's decrees.

In the struggles, without me even realizing consciously that it was occurring, I find myself closer and closer to God in understanding that His ways aren't mine and that's a good thing………..

Cause mine only cause me trouble…….

In the dark of night, with danger all around and fear riding upon my shoulders, I shall not be moved.


Because God is there.

Weekend thoughts...........

"Experience has made it certain that the clergyman's wife must either throw in her lot unreservedly with her husband's difficult and distinctive career, and reap her reward with a range and depth of personal influence which are unequalled in the case of any other married woman, or she must separate herself from his work and life with consequences ruinous both in his success and to her own credit, and, we must add, to the happiness of both." Herbert Hensley Henson, formerly the Bishop of Durham, in the Bishoprick papers.

Reading for a group I belong to a book called Glittering Images by Susan Howatch. Written in 1987, this is a series of 'church books' that Howatch wrote about her own experiences of the Christianity journey. In Chapter Five, she quotes Herbert H. Henson as I've written above.

I used to have great respect for the military wives, especially the Navy's, who have to put up with long separations and short visits home. They have to switch gears from single parenting to joint parenting. They realize that their husbands can be wisked away at a moment's notice and possibly never come back. I still have that respect, for those on active duty who love those who are constantly in harm's way, and those, unfortunately, who have a somewhat blissful civilan life with weekend interuptions that are being torn apart as one or even both are sent to the war zones.

And there are those who I am developing a great respect for too....the minister's wife. The struggle is there and so clearly evident in the lives of any who are married to a pastor, minister, chaplain, or any lay person in the church who follows God's call.

I believe this is where the Proverbs 31 chapter comes into play, because too often those wives who cast their lots with their husbands find;

She is clothed with strength and honor,and she can laugh at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom,and loving instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the ways of her household,and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed,her husband also praises her:

"Many daughters have done valiantly,but you surpass them all!"

Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting,but a woman who fears the LORD will be praised. Give her credit for what she has accomplished,and let her works praise her in the city gates. (Proverbs 31:25-31 NET.)

The wife of noble character....not only do they serve in the military alongside their husbands, in the dynamic of the family, but also in the success of the ministry to which their husbands have been called......

It is well that the husband remembers such noble character.....

Faithful and True....

"Christ has no body now on earth but yours,
No hands but yours, no feet but yours,
Yours are the eyes through which
is to look out Christ's compassion to the world;
Yours are the feet with which he is to go about doing good;
Yours are the hands with which he is to bless men now."---Mother Theresa

"..You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." Acts 1:8 (NIV)

A friend, who knows the struggles that lay across my path in this journey home, sent me this quote of Mother Theresa. And in my devotions today, God has led me to the beginning of Acts, to where the apostles are to receive the anointing of the Spirit and go out….as witnesses of the resurrection and salvation of the Christ. Another series of verses, in Matthew 5:13-16, speak of being salt and light to the world so that men might see our good works and glorify our Father in Heaven. One speaks of being given the power to be the representation of Christ by being salt and light in the other to combine in the pursuit of the Great Commission. Mother Theresa wraps it up nicely.

I met with my Ministry leader on Sunday, after having an exhausted service for the congregation of Meadowbrook Chapel. Exhausting because God would only give me the verse in which He wanted me to speak about, and nothing more. It is that kind of dynamic vulnerability that makes a long day in the life of any called to speak before the Faithful. I think I engaged the congregation a bit too early and made the worship last a bit longer, because I worried over the seemingly shallow direction I had received. As usual, God provided what He wanted to speak, and I listened as well as gave the Word to the congregation. We all were blessed by it.

I had intended to speak to the Ministry leader about the struggles in my life that have overlapped into each other and the turmoil that I have found myself in lately. I had intended on speaking to him regarding finding someone else for Chapel, someone better suited and better prepared for the duties of the office in which I had been appointed a year ago. I had intended, upon reflection, to once again limit God to my comfort level. I did speak my concerns, my struggles and my fears to this great man whom I've come to love.

But God intended other things, and so......

Chaplain John spoke of the congregation, of which he had served the prior Sunday as I was attending a leadership discipling session. He spoke of the message of which he was presented, not which he gave, from the congregation that has grown slightly since I had taken over in December 2006. He spoke of their appreciation of my honesty, my love for them, and my desire not to gain glory for myself but for the God we all love and serve. He spoke of the power of the Spirit, which was evident in the flow and ebb of the worship and the hearts of the saints there. He spoke of shepherding God's sheep.

Regardless of what I have to deal with in my life's journey to the Kingdom promise, I have come to realize that if I stay focused on what God intends for me then I will know a joy that abides in the deepest places of my soul, where no storm or trial can ever touch. I will know contentment and peace despite the raging seas.

God called me to service four years ago.

And He promised that He would take care of me, for His design was not to harm but to prosper me. He would, not man, appoint me in His time and His manner to that to which I had been called. I have prospered under the loving companionship of Meadowbrook's chapel congregation and have grown in my relationship with God.

He has delivered upon the promise He gave; if I would be faithful, He would use me for His glory.

I am but a tool in the hands of the Craftsman

2 Corinthians 10:12b "but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise."

1 Timothy 6:12 (Amplified Bible) "Fight the good fight of the faith; lay hold of the eternal life to which you were summoned and [for which] you confessed the good confession [of faith] before many witnesses."

Two verses, from two different devotionals I read, that God brought together for my instruction today.

I am guilty of judging myself against others, especially those I come into contact with in Kingdom business.

My brother in arms, that companion of the fight to which God has called us, remarked about my comment concerning a meeting we both attended recently. He asked how I liked the content and I told him it was great, a true valuable and instructional meeting, but that I didn't know what I had to contribute to the group as a whole.

He sighed and said, "You never do, but you have so much to do so and already have."

That is one of my weaknesses, that low self-image that I have of myself. But that is one of my greatest assets to, I think.

Hence the second verse to young Timothy and to me. Despite the fear that I am not 'good enough', I still move where God prompts me to go and where avenues open up, remaining focused on the task at hand and the ultimate destination of this suddenly wonderful, dangerous, and arduous journey through the fallen and broken landscape of a creation run amok. I fight the good fight, usually blessed with brothers in the fight with me.

Of course, there aren't always those who would help me achieve the call that come alongside me in this walk in the valley…..some question my ability to do the job (I don't have that ability, God has that ability to have me do the job). Some question my passion (I am no longer satisfied with weak, watered down milk. We were made to hear the Word, the whole Word and nothing but the Word. Partial messages and good words aren't the true Gospel.) Some point to the weaknesses that I have in my life, my struggles, and say God hasn't called me because they aren't gone (I say God has left them in place, having me in process with them and thus creating in me a total reliance on Him and….I AM NOT PERFECT. I will never claim to be.)

They measure me by the standards by which they see in Paul's writing, in their own church leadership,and thereby limit God in His desire to have them move alongside me to overcome those struggles……ministry should never be done alone, but in relationship with others who share strengths and gifts you do not have and weaknesses you do not share so that, together, a balanced application of the total is applied………

I am content, though, to let God do what God will do. I am growing in my understanding that I may never be enveloped by the wonderful and blessed arms of a congregation of a church group or even be blessed with a job as a writer. I understand that the day may come when I am in the midst of doing what I am doing now…..barely getting by financially, working in marriage struggles, yearning and straining to be the man God designed me to be, becoming mature in my love, knowledge, passion, and desires, and even trying to overcome my own shortcomings when I am called not to the stage, but the grave, to stand before my Father. It is not the end result of my efforts, but that I heed the call of God to the effort and do my best to give Him my all. The end results are His to enable, create, or reward.

I will fight the good fight, with brothers in arms by my side, and I will confess before the world, my friends, my family, and MY GOD that JESUS CHRIST is my Lord and Master, my King, and my Savior!

To do any less would be to bury the money given in the sand because of fear of losing it all.

Don't be ashamed of who's you are, Don't give up proclaiming what you are!

Often in times where we are troubled, or in troubled waters, our minds seek out and grasp ahold of things that meant something to us, that gave us a jot of energy even though things weren't all that bad. And those things gain more meaning in the harshness of the wintery cold.

The more I stand for something, the more I get accused of standing for nothing. I was told, since I feel that the shame that Obama has with the UCC, that I am saying that there are no true Christians in the UCC. I would find it hard pressed to find Christians in a church that is geometrically opposed to the tenants of Christ, but I wouldn't doubt that there could possibly be someone. Although, not in a leadership position. It doesn't matter to me, I have been called to speak the words of the Gospel and leave it at that. I don't have to convert anyone....only the Holy Spirit can do that.

With the whirlwind my life is currently swirling around in, the silence of Heaven, and even the general feeling of peace that I usually have when I am in purpose with God's will......I am not taking the time, I guess, to be nice. I've gotten a bit more than usual "hate" mail.

Which brings me back to the memory that I have that jolted me way back on the men's weekend I attended. I wrote about that weekend in my story "In search of.....Heroes". Anyway, Scott gave a sermon on the Sunday morning that meant something to me at the time, much in the way that a good sermon will stir the heart on an average day........but the full impact was to wait until it was needed. In fact, I wrote my notes and stuck them in the pages. And then forgot about them.

The point of the sermon was to remind us men not to close off our hearts, to guard against guarding our hearts against the hurts and pains that the world will bring us. 2 Timothy is all about Paul warning his young charge not to do so, in fact, Scott pointed out that this letter has "Don't be ashamed, Don't give up" fifteen times in four chapters........... And it is that call, that admonishment of Paul's to Timothy that hit me broadside today.

"So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life --not because of anything we have done, but because of His own purpose and grace." 2 Timothy 1:8-9a NIV

Here, Scott pointed out, Paul is telling Timothy and us not to shut down because of the pain, but rather embrace it and move forward despite of it. Gladly accepting the suffering as a blessing of following Christ and partaking in a small way the enormous suffering Christ endured for us. We are each called to the larger story of God's redemption of mankind, playing our own part in our stories which are joined to the whole.

I had forgotten, in the midst of the uncertainity and stillness that is my life, that the greater story still moves on and my part hasn't ended but will achieve even greater telling in the suffering endured now. Maybe it is because of my closeness to achieving the direction which God wants me to take that has brought on the firestorm of ridicule, doubt, and fear that is plaguing me now.

"That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day." v12

I still feel the CALL in my bones and still feel the need to profess what the Lord would have me say, regardless of whether it is acceptable to man. I only have to do what is acceptable to God.

The CALL is still burning like a fire in my bones........

I'd rather stand upon the judgment of God instead of man.

“Let us be judged as servants of Christ, and as those who are responsible for the secret things of God. And it is right for such servants to be safe persons. But it is a small thing to me that I am judged by you or by man's judging; I am not even a judge of myself. For I am not conscious of any wrong in myself; but this does not make me clear, for it is the Lord who is my judge. For this reason let there be no judging before the time, till the Lord comes, who will make clear the secret things of the dark, and the designs of the heart; and then will every man have his praise from God. “ (1Corinthians 4:1-5 BBE)

Recently a church that I had sent an resume to in regards to a position that they had available and I felt led to inquire about contacted me about it. While I was surprised at the ‘achievement’ of being considered for the first time as serious about the call to ministry, I wasn’t shocked that I received the call.

I am not seminary trained, religious college degreed, or validated by a Bishop of a major denomination. I haven’t written theologically challenging thesis that have rocked the Christian community to its core and redefined the face of Christianity single-handedly.

I haven’t created a façade of perfection; of renewed and Christ washed living without trace of human frailty. I haven’t hidden many things in my life outside the walls of Christian church that most of us would want hidden, especially with the CALL radiating in the bones of an aspiring Pastor.

And I have been found lacking. I struggle in my household to be the spiritual husband, father, and man of God that I am growing into an understanding of what those things each mean and how God has designed them. I sometimes express myself in an unbending, (yes….it’s been called intolerant) direct way that I have made no apology for. I have been called a zealot and a radical, I have been rejected by those in leadership positions for discipleship, mentoring, and involvement in pursuit of the CALL to ministry.

Three years ago, God pointed to a stage in the 3,000 plus sized sanctuary of Willow Creek and spoke the CALL to me…..”Jim, that is where I want you to fulfill My purpose for you. Work for me.” Gene Appel, newly hired to the Willow Creek family, was speaking about his outreach in his own neighborhood. I exited my seat and paced the atrium of the upper level until the topic was finished and the rest of the attendees were released for break. The discussion that God and I had in regards to such statements was punctuated with laughter, both richly felt and fearfully expressed, and pleadings, for mercy and clarification. It was one of the first true conversations God and I have had…..and I was changed, again, by the touch of the Holy Spirit.

And God has never changed His mind, expressed in other ways, my inability to do the CALL or even whether maybe I wasn’t exactly anything more than a stand-in for someone imminently more qualified. Not once, even in the season of drought when I despaired and questioned. Not even when I demanded and expressed my disappointment in the timing of the Creator.

Not once.

But man has. And has expressed it loud and clear of their decision that such a person, such a sinful and broken, battered and bruised, and in process person could ever hear the voice of God, let alone be CALLED by Him to ministry.

And so have blocked or rejected the person who was CALLED.

I had a wonderful discussion with one of the members of the search committee in regards to my Christian faith, the journey I’m still upon, and the church’s need in the position I expressed in the original inquiry. Oh, no formal job offer was tendered or may ever be so, but did I get to talk about the wonderful memories that I have been blessed with in the pursuit of the CALL.

And my desire to continue the pursuit……..

Quiet reflections

It is the day before Christmas and all through the house, the kids and I are scurrying to clean it all up in lue of the guests that soon will be here, as momma runs errands and takes care of last minute grocery items......

Ah, the modern day "Night before Christmas" story......

Yesterday, I spend a bit more time in Chapel than I usually do. Now, I am a talkative person when the passion is ignited and the passion was definately ignited yesterday in service. That well laid sermon, which was going to include the components of the story "To the heart of the matter", didn't get told, instead I found myself bringing in all the various distractions that the Christmas holiday brings; bills, toys, shopping, wrapping, anticipation, and the rest.....tying it up in a bow, and focusing on the knot...that which holds it all together.

The birth of the Christ child.

The beginning of Redemption......

A pivotal moment in the history of mankind......

And it's felt by the secular crowd, the liberal crowd, the conservative crowd, and everyone......down to that person in the remotest, unapproachable tract of land on the planet.......something happened to alter the course of all humanity.

And I wake up to my devotional today and it's about being washed in the blood, that one thing that cleanses us of our sinful sorrow and brings us into a redeemed state before our Father......

"They are before the throne of God and serve Him day and night in His temple; and He who sits on the throne will spread His tent over them. Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst." Revelations 7:15-16

This is where it begins......and tonight we gather throughout the world together; family, friends, fellow believers, and secular fellows.......in the spirit of harmony and peace.

And over us all is the tent of the Most High........enabling all who would partake the redemptive washing of the blood.....and honoring the Son, who began on a Christmas night.......His restoration of us all....


May your Christmas be full of joy and peace, as you reflect upon that babe in swaddling clothes, in a hay filled manger.......

that redeems us all.

When you feel like John the Baptist.....a voice crying out in the wilderness.....

He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it. Titus 1:9 (NIV)

We face alot in this world today and can easily be led astray, amazing though it may seem in a world so technologically informative.....but true. Because we have lost the desire to be accountable for our instruction. It is far easier to just sit in the comfy seats in the sanctuary and let the man (or woman) on the stage do the hard work. And, gee, if it sounds good...well, then it must be.

Peter faced this problem in the beginning church that was entrusted to his care by Jesus. Peter, the man who denied the Savior three times and was redeemed by the Risen Savior an equal number, warned of this danger that faced the community of believers back then and has journeyed with the church throughout the ages.

Nowadays, though, it isn't the fact the message is getting distorted but that the message isn't fully given. And many of the churches; i.e. the emergent movement, the universalist movement, and others, are pointing to the numbers to justify their approach. But as Bill Hybels, Pastor of Willow Creek, admitted recently....he was wrong. By taking responsibility out of the congregations hand, and allowing them to simply sit on their hands, the church has become its worst enemy. We have created a community of "I want" instead of "God wants".

"Many will follow their shameful ways and will bring the way of truth into disrepute" 2 Peter 2:2(NIV)

Philosophy meeting Christ's truth which has created the Osteens, Warrens, and other 'feel good' theologians that sit upon our pulpits in the church today, where the pursuit of happiness is very much a part of the American Christian culture. And we face the divisional differences that Peter and the beginning church faced, of 'christian cults' with their own doctrines and lifestyles that are slightly 'antagonistic' to God.....in our eyes.

Who better to know how to reach the lost than us? We seek to attract adherents to our faith by giving lectures on how to live, solve one's problems, and find meaning in this life. These teachers are often marked by arrogance, which is confused with righteousness, and teachings that reach to man's human desires and not pointing them toward Godly ones.

We have become a community of 'creatures of instinct' that Peter reflects upon in his second letter:

.......They are like brute beasts, creatures of instinct, born only to be caught and destroyed, and like beasts they too will perish. 2 Peter 2:12(NIV)

Following the herd of culture is the best way to fall off a cliff because you aren't looking. And realizing that the teaching you've received sitting in the pew of Sunday worship isn't (at best) the full story or (at worse) is totally wrong isn't an excuse when it comes to the white throne.

Instead of relying on big assemblies to gain personal knowledge of the Word, we should seek general direction from the Sunday services and dig deeper in our relational time with God or even in small groups of accountable believers.

Discuss the sermon beyond Sunday and dig for the factual knowledge that has been imparted. Expose that which is biblically untrue and hold the teacher accountable, but realize that they are students too.

Too much reliance has been placed upon the pastors today to teach, instruct, and exhort us in our religious walk of faith. It's time we took some weight from their shoulders and bore our own responsibilities.

JMT,
Jim

Repeating the Fall....generation to generation

"You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman, "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." Genesis 3:4-5 NIV

Adam stood by, while this exchange was going on and decided to stand on his hands, not doing his God designed duty of protecting beauty and order from the chaotic whisperings of the Enemy. And so we fell once Eve took a bite of the fruit and gave it to Adam. And the process of a creation gone wrong became the norm as mankind started to die. All because we sought to obtain God qualities to fill our God-like bodies……

And we've been dying ever since. You would wonder why God put the cherubim at the entrance to the Garden if you failed to take into account what man has done since the eviction from the garden. He has continued to seek those God qualities and powers to fill a body no longer living according to the designer's intention. He has continued to put himself further and further from God by trying to limit God to what he can obtain within his own means. And, for over two thousand years, we haven't learned from our mistakes.

We seek justice in our society; against those who would kill, maim, harm, or alter someone else's life. We seek awards for damages for the minorities who are abhorrent to God's design, because we are God's design and who better to know its limitations that the created themselves. We profess love, but leave the other side of the balance out of the picture….because wrath, righteous vengeance, and correction aren't our boundaries, but the boundaries established and represented by the Designer.

And, in seeking this humanistic justice, we allow a woman to become a vengeful or indifferent god by giving them the decision on whether to bring another life to term. We appoint the snake to once again give whispers of the distorted truth so that they will decide that having a child isn't fitting in their 'schedule for achievement' or 'productive to a happy lifestyle'. And again, we Adams stand to the side and allow the corruption of beauty and order as we fail to speak out because 'it’s a woman's body.' We appoint those who would 'toe the middle ground' and say it is a individual moralistic issue as cultures begin the slow decline into extinction, because birth rates are far lower than the aging population needs to stay healthy.

We allow this justice to be defined by individuals or minorities instead of realizing that the majority rule has always been the American way, that the few who work in the government represent not themselves but the PEOPLE. All Americans, those born by birth and those legally mixed into the great melting pot of our society. Instead, we allow corruption to rule the day under the banner of tolerance, wiping only our heritage from the moral fabric of the nation and adopting whatever seems to be the flavor of the moment. Gone are bibles and prayer from schools, gone is the traditional education system, gone is the need to have God defined wholly and completely by the leaders of our faith, and gone is the desire to reach out beyond ourselves.

We look at the Old Testament and laugh at the Israelites who wandered the desert for FORTY years, until the generation that had mocked God's blessing of the Promise Land was dust in the wind. We marvel at the seemingly stupidity of a chosen people to time and time again flaunt their humanistic greed to be gods in their Creator God's face. We look at the modern day remnant of the once great nation and tell them they are too rigid, too intolerant, as bombs explode in their cities and their children die. We make our decisions based upon what WE want and what WE need, and ignore the basic cry for a redeemer beyond our capabilities to bring us back to the original intent.

Too difficult to define, then leave out the parts that don't fit our own definition. Too hard to conceive, then make our conception less intrusive and labor intensive. We spend more time making excuses to excuse our own laziness and lack of purpose than realizing that the purpose we feel the call for lies before us…..just a few steps ahead. Instead of realizing that our opinion that the burden of a God who is beyond our understanding and who loves us enough to punish sinful deeds and lustful thoughts with consequences, we seek to define a god who will do our will and obey our commandments. Instead of listening to the words of a God-man who died on a painful Cross to realize for us a redeeming grace that would resound throughout the generations since, we look to discredit Him to cover our own shame of His wrongful death.

We are still trying to become god.

I just felt lead to be frank today.....this is what I feel in my heart, the fire of God's wrath and anger, His pure wonderment at a creation who would still mock Him. Take it as you wish.

Revival Nation-----a call to all who would hear

My friend, Greg Holmes –Pastor of the Revival Nation ministry, has hit the nail on the head (so to speak) of what I feel happening in my life. God has told me six months, six months to be in position of where He wants me to be…..in a pastoral position within an newly formed or newly devoted church. Not to be contained within the walls, but to send the remnant…to send those who would be indwelled with the Spirit to bring in the harvest. This is what my friend Greg has to say about the feeling that is not just limited to me:

"The twenty first century could easily be dubbed the era of the Ineffective Church. Church doesn’t build the Kingdom. Church doesn’t win the lost. Church isn’t affecting change in the spiritual climate of our nations, and governments. But there is a remnant of men and women of God who are worshipping the true God, rather than worshipping men and women in high places. There is a remnant of men and women who are waiting, seeking an increase of the infilling of the Spirit’s power because they recognize the need in this day and hour for that spiritual strength as they not only stand against the enemy, but advance on tearing down spiritual strongholds.

These are the remnants that are taking it outside of the church walls, beyond the common curriculum and familiarity of the modern day programmable church. It is in this movement that the power is being manifest in tangible ways. This great awakening in the History of Christianity isn’t coming to the church…it’s coming to the people of God, who are stepping outside of traditional church. God’s Kingdom will be built, but the church might get left behind.

I am committing, and I am encouraging you to commit to true worship. Now more than ever shut yourself off from distractions and wait on the Spirit of God and......

Friends, be free to do the works of the Kingdom as the Spirit inspires you."

Pastor Greg's website is www.revivalnation.com. A truly inspirational friend, brother, and author, check it out for some insight and wisdom from an active leader in the Christian world.


There is, in this day and age of the MEGA church, something being lost.....the work of those who are inspired, inflamed, and indwelled to work the harvest. It's like we are all buliding farming equipment and forgetting what it is to be used for.

Gear up, set your stance, and prepare to join the battle......

Now is the TIME!!!!!

Jim

But I am the least of the least....

A dear friend of mine has stood in the gap with me and has spoke words of God's truth for me to hear. It is visions from people like her that have inspired, edified, and affirmed me in the struggles to be "allowed" by man to do what God has called me to do.

She gave me this verse in Judges 6:12 that she said spoke of me and the struggle I have recently endured about 'people's opinions about my call'.

"The LORD turned to him and said, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?""

We all know Gideon's response to this call of the Lord, what could be called a bit of hesistation! Gideon himself has severe issues with the call,

"But Lord ," Gideon asked, "how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family."

Funny thing is, Gideon asked God why the Israelites were having to endure the Midianite raids if the Lord was with the people....

And Gideon didn't stop there, but requested to have the Lord wait for him to give an offering, and asked again for confirmation of the call to save his people, Israel, with the fleece.....not once, but twice! Finally, though, once Gideon was convinced....he was convinced. He is considered one of the greatest generals Israel ever had, not too bad for the least of the least of the least.

And, as this devotion points out, we need to reach a point of decision; full commitment or full disvowing. There is no in-between.

"Somewhere in your life you should have a vision that humanly speaking makes no sense, something you know could never happen without God. When you first receive it, something inside you will say, "I will" while everything around you is saying, "You can't." ....Quit asking people who they think you are. Ask God! If He endorses you what difference does their opinions make?"

As Paul put it in his letter to the Collossians;

"But now He has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in His sight, without blemish and free from accusation --IF you continue in your faith, ESTABLISHED and FIRM, NOT removed from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, HAVE BECOME A SERVANT."

I cannot do what I am called to do, humanly speaking, but I have the faith that the gospel I know and the Lord proclaimed in it IS capable. And the promises He has made regarding my submitting to the call are valid and true. It's ridiculous to think that I can defeat other's negative opinion of where God has called me to go. And it is foolish to think that there is something I can do, say, or reveal that will overcome their reluctance to follow suit and support this adventure God has blessed me to go on. So what!

God has called me, and God keeps on proving without a doubt that He is fully capable and fully aware of the demands He's put upon my shoulders and He will be faithful to see me through. I cannot do what He calls me to do, but I can surrender myself to the call for Him to do what He would do.

To share in the Kingdom work that He owns is only possible when I allow Him to work through me, a fragile and broken man who endures for the kingdom.

As the Angel of the Lord told Gideon......

"The LORD is with you, mighty warrior."

I will gladly suit up and stand on the battlefield with the other warriors God has enabled for His glory and praise.

Am I fearful? Yes, but my Lord is just and good and would not call me to harm.

Am I sure? Yes, as much as God has worked in my life so far, there is much He has given to be used for the Kingdom glory.

Am I perfect? No, but as a MAN in quest of God, I will move in my broken and fearful state upon feet supported by a Savior's love and a burden made lighter by my Father's assurance.

I will be Issachar, a rawboned donkey, bent to the burden of others to bear them with love and endurance. As a warrior, I will stand accountable in the Army of the MOST HIGH GOD, shield and broadsword, weld in the imperfect hands of this warrior and swung by the might of the Savior's own.

In victory shall we all be,
Jim

HOLD!!! We must hold here or we never will hold anything.

1 Corinthians 15:58 (NIV) "Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the LORD, because you know that your labor in the LORD is not in vain."

Boy, this is something that I know God is speaking to me. And I know that the words I spoke to a dear brother last night, who knew me from the beginnings, were true even as I spoke them. That I am destined and purposed to become a pastor, in the shepherding and teaching sense, of a church. Six months is what God has spoken to my heart. And yet, the offers do not fall from the shelves. I know my home church won't be the place, there is just no discipleship or training there. And, my request to be developed was turned down.

But I feel it, in my bones as a fire that cannot be quenched. Even with all that I can point out as to why MAN would refuse me this call, I cannot point out anything that would give me the right to refuse GOD's call.

His word is a fire in my bones, that will consume me if I do not let it out. I cannot NOT be about my Father's business as I cannot live without breathing.

And I will no longer be moved. I will no longer believe the Enemy's confusion of the call nor will I refuse to answer the calling of my Savior.

We all must realize what we have been doing with what we have been given. The Church is a collection of faithful servants of the Lord Almighty, not a buliding or a place. It is God's reflection into a world full of darkness.

The Enemy has confused us all, with how comfy the seats are or whether or not we have the approval of man to do what God would have us do. Are we fit enough? Do we have enough righteousness?

God provides for the purpose in which HE calls us to. God gives us the authority, ability, and the righteousness to do what He would have us to do. All we have to do is provide the willingness to submit to His will. And we are not to have lukewarm food, but strong and healthy meat to substain us. If we don't receive our food, we should establish our own pantry in which to partake, until we find the teaching that would challenge us. A church is a builiding that stands in one place, the CHURCH is a moving and breathing entity of the LIVING GOD.

Love is to be spoken, lived, and emulated. Agape love is what the standard to achieve is. But LOVE spoken in TRUTH, without VARNISHING, without DUMBING DOWN is what we are called to do.

If we don't stand the ground for our Savior, where will we stop? Stand, shields locked in tight with the brother and sister beside you, with those who are gifted with evangelism standing behind with spears of truth ready to fly! This is the day, this is the time, and THIS IS THE PLACE!


In Christ,
Jim

The gentle prompting of the Father

I sat outside Chapel this Sunday as I usually do, spending time with my Father to search my heart and prepare it for ministering to the saints of Meadowbrook Chapel. It was harder this time, as my wife and I had a rough morning. The preparation I had given to the sermon "WWJD" based on the counseling training I had the previous Thursday was seemingly for naught, as God impressed Romans 6:12-15 upon my heart.

"Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts, 13 and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. 14 For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace. 15 What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? May it never be!" NASB

Of course, in my foolishness, I assumed that this was very much a directed verse and so wasn't something I needed to pursue in Chapel. But then God put 1 Corinthians 13:1-10 into my heart and I turned to it:

"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part; 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away."

So I was honest, when I spoke to the saints of the Chapel, about my indecision of what to do. I had, as I told them, prepared a sermon regarding What would Jesus do? that I had (in typical fashion) prepared at four in the morning or I could 'wing' it with what God would have me do with Romans and 1 Corinthians. I asked for prayer regarding that during our worship singing. And God spoke, in the words of the hymns we sang.

Ministry, at least my calling into it, has come under attack (see previous postings) lately and I have wavered....not in my desire to follow, but my ability to truly understand the voice of my Father God in the calling. Did I truly hear it or did I simply get overwhelmed in the passion of the moment when I thought I heard it? Seeking the counsel of others, I was in turmoil as I received no clear consensus.......and then I received the slap in the face.

And God is honoring my hearing His question in the questioning of the speaker in the counseling class. And in typical God fashion, He confirmed what I thought He said in an email I received in reply to my thank you for the slap:

I want to see you succeed in Gods plan and take on whatever way he wants you to go. I want to see you walk in the promise land! It reminded me of Joshua and Caleb and how they came with a good report but 10 other spies had a bad report and the people listened to them - they all died while wondering around. I just think you should do whatever God tells you not man. You have just been in seeming agony over this so I simply said what the bible says. Whose report are you going to believe, trust not in the wisdom of man but in the power of God, and we hear the voice of the good shepherd, we hear our fathers voice and the voice of a stranger we do not follow.

And He reaffirmed it in the Chapel service on Sunday, when He changed the sermon I was to give. I apologized to my saints that I would not be as "fluid" as I am during a 'prepared' sermon, but that God was impressing this upon my heart and I had to speak it. It is one of my fervent prayers during our corporate prayer that my voice is only a medium for God's in this place.

At the end of Chapel, one of the newest saints was in tears and spoke of some pain she had in her life. And she spoke of how Romans was important in her past and how 1 Corinthians spoke of the underlying passion of God in her life.

And my heart broke as I felt the hand of the Father upon my shoulder, and His gentle voice whispering to me, "Without love, there is no salvation. For it is My love for you that sent My son to the Cross. And it is My love for those to whom I will send you, that I call you to My service."

Oh, the sweet sweet sound of our Saviour's voice.

In Christ,
Jim

A slap heard across the classroom

"The LORD confides in those who fear Him; He makes His covenant known to them." Psalm 25:14 (NIV)

Last night, the facillator for the class I'm taking over at NorthRidge spoke to me matter-of-factly (as is her perchance to do) and asked me why I am asking everyone else what God said to me. As Billy Graham once said, "God said it, I believe it, and that settles it." That hasn't been the standard for me lately as it builds and builds into a cosmic ping-pong match.

God called me to ministry over three years ago. And each step since has been with that pursuit in mind. Oh, I'm not perfect in my marriage because I'm still working with the Spirit on that. Oh, I am considered poor by many secular standards and have been in binds several times over the last two years. I have other issues I deal with from time to time that I rely on friends and partners to hold me accountable for.

Funny thing. I don't want to be one of those leaders in ministry that is hidden. My life, my faults, MY BROKENNESS, is available for all to see. You don't have to like it, you don't have to listen or read it. You don't even have to agree with it. I'm accountable for one person's approval, and that's God. And all He requires is that I love Him with all my heart and soul and mind which leads me to obedience, trust, and faith in the direction He takes me and calls me to go.

It just seems funny to me that the Church today will not point to the standards GOD Himself set, but will allow human decision to come into God's house. The Church is not ours, our pastors, or even the saints who have willed their life insurance for......the Church has a leader, an owner, and a mission.

It's time that the Leaders today deal with that.

And realize who they are accountable to.

My thoughts
Jim

A tri-packet of wisdom

There are three different verses that spoke to me today regarding the drought I am in right now concerning the call to ministry and it might seem they aren't related, but bear with me.......

Numbers 13:1-20. 1 And the Lord said to Moses, 2 Send men to get knowledge about the land of Canaan, which I am giving to the children of Israel; from every tribe of their fathers you are to send a man, every one a chief among them. 3 And Moses sent them from the waste land of Paran as the Lord gave orders, all of them men who were heads of the children of Israel. 4 And these were their names: of the tribe of Reuben, Shammua, the son of Zaccur. 5 Of the tribe of Simeon, Shaphat, the son of Hori. 6 Of the tribe of Judah, Caleb, the son of Jephunneh. 7 Of the tribe of Issachar, Igal, the son of Joseph. 8 Of the tribe of Ephraim, Hoshea, the son of Nun. 9 Of the tribe of Benjamin, Palti, the son of Raphu. 10 Of the tribe of Zebulun, Gaddiel, the son of Sodi. 11 Of the tribe of Joseph, that is of the family of Manasseh, Gaddi, the son of Susi. 12 Of the tribe of Dan, Ammiel, the son of Gemalli. 13 Of the tribe of Asher, Sethur, the son of Michael 14 Of the tribe of Naphtali, Nahbi, the son of Vophsi. 15 Of the tribe of Gad, Gevel, the son of Machi. 16 These are the names of the men whom Moses sent to get knowledge about the land. And Moses gave to Hoshea, the son of Nun, the name of Joshua. 17 So Moses sent them to have a look at the land of Canaan, and said to them, Go up into the South and into the hill-country; 18 And see what the land is like; and if the people living in it are strong or feeble, small or great in number; 19 And what sort of land they are living in, if it is good or bad; and what their living-places are, tent-circles or walled towns; 20 And if the land is fertile or poor, and if there is wood in it or not. And be of good heart, and come back with some of the produce of the land. Now it was the time when the first grapes were ready.

2 Thessalonians 1:5 For our gospel came not unto you in word only, but also in power, and in the Holy Ghost, and in much assurance; as ye know what manner of men we were among you for your sake.

1 Corinthians 9:14 So also the Lord directed those who proclaim the gospel to get their living from the gospel.

In Numbers is one of my favorite stories, and the funny thing is is that it isn't about a drought but an abundance in the land. This land that was set aside by God for His nation Israel. The time had come where it was time to prepare to claim this inheritance from Abraham's promise that God had convented so long ago.

Of course, you want to send your very best and that was what Moses did. Each of the twelve tribes had a chief sent into the Promised Land. Now, these leaders would give an accurate and detailed report when they returned, right????? NOPE!!!! All, except the two dissenters of the status quo (Judah's representative, Caleb and Ephraim's rep, Hoshea who Moses called Joshua) came back with the dismal report that the land was rich in resources but controlled by big bullies that couldn't be defeated.

In Chapter 14 of Numbers, starting at verse 6 and carrying through to verse 10, we find the proper way to respond to the Lord's blessings without fear. Joshua and Caleb said in verse 7, "The land which we passed through to spy out is an exceedingly good land. If the LORD is pleased with us, then He will bring us into this land and give it to us—a land which flows with milk and honey." Of course, all they wanted to do was stone these upstarts. But the "glory of the LORD appeared in the tent of meeting". The rest, they say, is history.

In 2 Thessalonians, which ironically my home church is studying as "The Letters" fall series, Paul shows that his preaching is blessed because of the Holy Spirit and assurance within the minds of those he preached to. Here God supports Paul's ministry to the Thessalonians, who have the ability through the Spirit to discern that Paul was an emmisary of Jesus.

And in 1 Corinthians, we see that those who preach the gospel, i.e. The Good News, should be supported by those who hear it. Paul declined this, spending his time tent-making, and he made very clear why in his letters of his decision why. But, as Matthew Henry states in his commentary on this subject, that wasn't the biblical standard:

"It is not new for a minister to meet with unkind returns for good-will to a people, and diligent and successful services among them. To the cavils of some, the apostle answers, so as to set forth himself as an example of self-denial, for the good of others. He had a right to marry as well as other apostles, and to claim what was needful for his wife, and his children if he had any, from the churches, without laboring with his own hands to get it. Those who seek to do our souls good, should have food provided for them. But he renounced his right, rather than hinder his success by claiming it. It is the people's duty to maintain their minister. He may wave his right, as Paul did; but those transgress a precept of Christ, who deny or withhold due support."

So, we are to go out into the abundant land without the fear of the inhabitants, who are just big bullies, and realize that our witness of God's authority in sending us will be established through and by the Holy Spirit and finally, that we who preach the gospel should be supported by those who hear it.

Interesting.
Jim

A message from the Father.........

"As for me, my charter is Jesus Christ; the inviolable charter is His cross and His death and resurrection, and faith through Him." The early church father, Ignatius of Antioch, spoke these words during his life. And it seems I have forgotten this fact in the struggles of the last week or so. My call is given by Christ, and so the ability to do the job, and the authority to perform the job, is all on Him and the Father. Why am I letting those who would oppose, either consciously or unconsciously, the Father's design?

My wife had an experience during her women's retreat at Springhill in Evert, Michigan that was for me, of all people. She said that she was in the crowd of women (some 600 plus were there total for the retreat, a portion were there in the meeting) and the speaker, a Rose Anne Coleman, came up to her and started talking to her. My understanding is that God directed Rose Anne to speak with my wife. She said that she had a word for someone that my wife knew that was being deflected and opposed in the entry into ministry. My wife, stunned, told her about my struggles as of late.

She gave my wife a book for me, titled Green Leaf in Drought, by Isobel Kuhn who was a member of the China Inland Mission (now known as Overseas Missionary Fellowship, International). In the 1950's, with the spread of communism, a missionary family, Arthur and Wilma Mathews, would experienced the cold cruelty of the Red Government while learning God's grace and mercy. They would eventually make it out and the story is what the book is about. The premise on the back cover is; "Is it possible for a Christian to put forth green leaves when all they enjoy in this life is drying up around them?

Rose Anne said this book is what propelled her into ministry, at the age of 40? (Not sure of age) despite receiving the call in the tender age of 5. She wasn't even a christian then.

But the thing that has stuck with me the most since I started reading the thin book last night and has stuck with me since is the verse that the book's title and story is based. It has resounded in my heart and match the thirst of the fire in my bones.

"For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit." Jeremiah 17:8 NASB

The King James version, I believe, in the book has it as "his leaf shall be green and shall not be careful in the year of drought"

Should I be anxious about the financial situation that my family faces, or realize that we are blessed indeed to have a Father who would bless us abundantly even in the face of seemingly un-abundance? It is not the Church's place to tell me of the call, but rather to develop me under God's guidance in the calling. Am I wrong to seek that from the church as a primary importance in my life?

Doesn't the bible tell us that God is first Master of our hearts?

Could it be that, by focusing my eyes upon the Savior, that I gain all I would wish for my family? And that, in spite of rather than in response to, I should be happy to have the focus I do as the things of the world dry up around me?

In pursuit of God's glory,

Jim