"I walked a mile with Pleasure,
She chatted all the way,
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.
I walked a mile with Sorrow
and ne'er a word said she;
But, oh, the things I learned from her
When Sorrow walked with me!"
Robert Browning
"What good is a birthright?" Esau thought when Jacob offered him some food for the distant blessing from Isaac. 'What good,' we often think, 'is looking to God's purpose for us if we are in the midst of trials and tribulations now?"
"On the night he was betrayed...." is the verse that keeps going through my head as I face that one thing we all will face and have to deal with; betrayal. Either a friend, a family member, or a spouse, we will all come to the point where we have to dealt with the emotional struggle there. Either we will come through with our faith intact or shattered into dust.
And that was all I could think about, the continued situation I've not asked for and not expected. But then, it hit me this morning during my ride to work, so hard I pulled into a parking lot of the church where I had given a euology for my dear congregational member, Jean. God was speaking so so softly that I almost missed His voice.......
I don't know the artist, but the song was "And He still calls me Son." At least, I think so. I've heard it before on WMUZ, which is practically the only station I listen to anymore and have for sometime. It's about the prodigal son, at least that is what the story was once called, and his expectation of reception from his father.
I was devastated......tears flowing down my face as thick as the Niagra Falls..and I realized that I had been brought to my knees by this devastating thing....not by God...but God had a lesson to teach. And He knew when I would be ready to hear those words of wisdom and grace.
The song goes, "He just ran to me, and he kissed my face. He would not let go of me......somehow he put his cloak on me. And still, he called me son." Probably not verbatim, but hey....I was in an emotional, knee bent, heart crying out state and should be forgiven.
"I am not your father," God said, "I am your God, who is your Heavenly Father." I had been boxing God into the image I had of my father. And it wasn't the image that was true. My earthly father was a broken, sinful, and wounded man and I still pray that he has taken the gift upon the death of his earthly body.....but the wounds I have experienced with him has colored my perspective of my Heavenly Father. And I felt that He had betrayed me and the service I've given due to another's action.
But, in that time I spent in that parking lot....I've realized that I've hit another milestone in the journey. And painful as it may be, God is bringing me to a place where He is glorified and honored, and I will have the character and perservance to endure the struggles that that place will have.
I know that the directions He is leading me to is going to be it's own reward as I watch men becoming men of God, the way we were designed to be and not what we have been. And it won't be me doing the redeeming or even the changing but the Holy Spirit that has indwelled with the men and the ministries I have been graced with in the last six months. What a day that will be.......
I am my Father's son......and damn proud to be counted as a "Beloved Son".
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