Tuesday, February 12

A still small voice in my ear.........

"Know in all your hearts and in all your souls that not one thing has failed of all the good things which the Lord your God promised concerning you. All have come to pass for you; not one thing of them has failed." Joshua 23:14b AMP

The old adage, "can't see the forest for all of these darn trees", comes to mind when I think of this verse in context with what I am facing in the trials and struggles of the life to which I have been called. Not just as a father, not just a husband, not just as a man, but even as a minister. The costs, when I sit down and list them upon paper, have been high, questionable, and dear. Not just to live the calling as a minister (I am still 'only' a Chaplain), but also to be the example to my two dear children as what a father should be (not having the good, clear example of my own on which to emulate), and struggling to be a man as God designed me to be. I come against so many walls in pursuit of the Kingdom goals, I wonder if I am in pursuit of them after all……..

And then a friend comes alongside, a mentor mentors, and a God speaks through the voices of those He has created and embraced as His own children. And I remember what Joshua told the nation of Israel as they looked at the daunting task of claiming physically a land given to them by God. A daunting task, a scary task, but a task that they were called to, purposed for, and enabled to obtain. God had told them so, and Joshua reminded them that God delivered. Always. On His schedule, but always on time.

In the chaos of the storm, unable to see beyond the battlements of the fortress in which I'm hunkered down in, I can't see God's work or His promise of faithfulness in response to mine. I can't plot the course to that sunny beach upon which I'll be able to rest from the struggles of the day and gain some peace. I can't predict a day where things won't be so weighty upon my mind and heart. I have forgotten that there will be a day when my heart doesn't break anymore.

I have raged against the storm, AND the God to which it is ultimately responsive to. I have argued against the struggle, against the brick walls, against the opinion that this poor boy with no theological or seminary training can ever grace the stage of a church as pastor, as teacher, and as a beloved son. I have cast myself unmercifully against the brick and mortar by which I also seek protection from the elements.

And as I collapse upon the ground in utter exhaustion, battered and bruised from the inflicted doubt, I hear the voice again. That voice that called me back in February of 2004 home (renewal of faith), and October of the same year to ministry. A voice I've heard several times in my life since, always at the times when I am not listening for it……………the voice of my Father……

"Beloved son, I will be your strength. I will be your rest. Why do you cower behind the wall? There is work to be done, will you go?"

The voice that promises much for those who would listen……………….

And the history to back up the faith that the God behind it will deliver upon them……..

No comments: