Monday, October 4

Unlosable Salvation.......unforgettable faith

“My sheep give ear to my voice, and I have knowledge of them, and they come after me: And I give them eternal life; they will never come to destruction, and no one will ever take them out of my hand. That which my Father has given to me has more value than all; and no one is able to take anything out of the Father's hand. I and my Father are one.” John 10: 27-30 BBE

It has been one of ‘those’ weekends, where the defining line between hope and despair are dimmed and the reality of the impossible faith becomes see-through in the light of day. And in ‘that’ weekend, I typically consume myself and wonder if I am some kind of cosmic joke to God….a checker moved about a board of real harsh reality, at the whim of the pleasure and amusement of a God that doesn’t care……that has predestined me for the scrap heap rather than the treasure pile.

The furnace isn’t coming on as it should have and it’s getting colder.

It is funny how quickly the fabric of my life unwinds under the pressure of living. Seems there is always a crisis to overcome, a moment in time that bears some pain and the continuing saga of struggle against something; sin, financial insolvency, depression, or a host of other things. I have a huge electric/gas bill, a ‘penalty’ bill from DirectTV and no gas/non-food money for a while….at least two weeks, until I can start working as a cab driver….which I need really to get some glasses to make it easier to read street signs and a dentist to help with some tooth pain.

Money can’t buy you love but it is the currency for everything else.

Pastor John McLean, the former Elder Pastor of Berean Bible Church was giving the sermon at church last Sunday, to which I had arrived late because I ran out of gas on the way into church….ironically outside another church that was meeting at a local middle school on Hix road…..two people blasted past me at the entrance to the school and walked into service. Guess there’s nothing like being late for service?! Pastor McLean was giving a sermon on 1 John 5:18 ff about how to identify a Christian.

Always of interest for someone in the position like mine.

One thing that struck me that he said was that a Christian will always struggle against the tendency to sin…..the temptation if you will…..to allow the old nature to supersede the new. Daily we have to face that old nature, that lives within ourselves, a duality that seems to be impossible but isn’t in the reality of this place. It amazes me that there are those who claim to be sin-free in this world, who walk a clearer path, truly, but still face the temptations and the slippery slope of sinfulness. In their denial lies sin.

We claim to follow Christ and yet, in the very basic structure of that we lose the meaning of following Him….of being made righteous in His sacrifice and brought instantly into perfection because we are a linear people, unable to project ourselves into that reality even as we struggle in this one. Christ walked the earth in a dual nature; fully God, fully Man. I’ve often wondered why that was the case, why God….one of the Trinity….would have to suspend His Godliness to be human so that He could save the whole of mankind. Oh, I understand that He had to stand in for each of us, to be a substitutionary payment of the sins that have kept us from God’s relationship, the perfect Lamb without blemish taking on the blemish of the world. Without reason, without right…..we have the ability because of the part of God that is within us (faith) to claim that sacrifice, that payment, as ours and become co-heirs with Christ.

But in that duality of nature; where Christ was fully God and fully Man, it brings a greater and more meaningful understanding why He came to live among us, to save us and stands waiting for the time when He will come again to claim what is His and His alone. A lesson, a promise and the methods to which we can walk in the duality of our own nature as He did….being true followers, disciples, of the Lord God, our King and Redeemer. We will never lose this old nature that has been harbored in this corrupt body and we will never be free of the sinfulness of the world that has decayed along with the rest of creation as it waits for mankind’s redemption. We can’t, for in the realization that we are corrupt lies our salvation, in our realization of the depravity of ourselves we find the ability to turn to Him and see where the truth lies, where the hope is born and where the righteousness of the Spirit embedded in us from the moment of our salvation resides. We find our abilities, our works, and our moralistic ‘goodness’ paled and worthless in the light of God. We realize that we cannot, will not, and are not able to walk with God by our own strength.

“When the soul discovers this divine influence, they leave aside all their good works, practices of devotion, methods, books, ideas and spiritual persons in order to be guided by God alone, entrusting themselves to that purpose which has become the only source of perfection for them.” Father Jean-Pierre de Caussade, The Joy of Full Surrender.

As George Mueller related to us, it is at that moment where we reach the impossibility of ourselves to do the work and purpose to which we have been designed, endowed and set aside for in the perfect and glorious plan of God for the permanence of His kingdom here on earth…….when we realize beyond that shadow of a doubt that we cannot be the person needed for that job…..when we face the depravity of our nature and realize it cannot be in the same room as a holy and righteous God, at that moment

We become free.

Because we can face the depravity of our old nature with the dominance of the new because God is in control and God has the power to overcome the sinfulness of that nature and bring us towards the righteousness we have already be imparted with. His elect have been already identified and He is shaping each one of them to pick up their crosses at the time of His perfection so that they become the mighty warriors the Kingdom has to fight against the evilness of the lost one and his minions.

We are sheep…… moving at the sound of our Shepherd’s voice and gathering together under His protection for the promised safety, the imparted comfort and trust that comes from surrendering ourselves to the authority and power that lies within us because of the impartation of the Holy Spirit. We accept the brokenness of our nature, our bodies and our world, surrendering it all to the thrashing floor of God’s house…….we become journeyers without a map, guided by a pillar of smoke in the day and a column of fire at night.

Restless souls longing for home at complete and utter peace as we journey on.

“God’s action is forever new.” Father de Caussade writes, “It never retraces its steps, but always marks out new paths. Those who are led in this way never know where they are going. Their roads are to be found neither in books nor in their own minds. God’s action moves them step by step, and they go forward only by His leading.”

That is the duality of living that Christ showed us, while He was fully God yet He surrendered Himself and His path to the will of the Father and brought His fully human nature constantly under the mantle of God’s control. He walked in the truth because He surrendered Himself to it and never strayed because God Himself cannot sin, God Himself cannot commit evil and if God Himself is in control, how could Christ do wrong?

Once we accept Christ as the Savior who died for our sins, confessing with our mouths and being baptized in representation of His death and resurrection as a public declaration of who’s we are……we can never be shaken from that salvation.

The rest of the journey is developing the faith we have been given to the awesome and inspiring heights of glory for our God through the divine influence of His power, perfection and sanctification.

And it is when we have reached those plateaus of doubt, where belief cannot survive and faith requires us to accept that which we cannot understand…..at that moment, we become the greatest weapons in our Father’s arsenal.

For the greater glory of God.

Thursday, September 30

On the edge of faith and belief....

“God works through different people in different ways, but it is the same God who achieves His purpose through them all” 1 Corinthians 12:6 (PH)

It is not the job I expected, nor one that I suspect that I will particularly excel at, but it seems to be the job that God has made me wait for eleven months for before presenting it to me late one night as I perused Linked In, one of my network sites, and discovered a fact that I had missed in the ten months of really working the networking syndicates….they have a job section. I send in the ‘online’ application, honestly answering that I couldn’t pass a street test if required for employment (I have been in A2 since July and still am a newbie). They called the next day and we spend the rest of that day and the next chasing each other on the phone.

Thursday, phone interview….Tuesday, meeting with the Hiring Manager and a race to the Secretary of State for a Chauffeur license and driving record copy….then dropping the application off, with the quickly snapped ‘passport’ quality photos, at the “Taxi Officer” of Ann Arbor Police Department, Officer Clock….

Monday, a call from Officer Clock saying he needed my chauffeur license copy. When I brought it in, he asked me to wait and came back with my application approved. A paid cabby license later and I’m officially licensed to be a taxi driver in the city of Ann Arbor. Tomorrow I call Betty and let her know I can attend training starting on Monday coming.

This is not what I was expecting…..ministry job aside.

There is no grace period here, no cushion of mercy that should I fall upon this ‘face for radio’ mug that will not cause further damage. I spend all of my funds on the licensing, running around and such…..I’m literally 180 miles from empty and there are some mighty bills due by mid-month. I had to go out and get pick through some ministry’s clothing bank for some work pants….they didn’t have any shirts…..and I can only hope the car maintains for a few more months until I can get it fixed. If for some reason, any reason, I can’t make this job work…….it is going to be a pretty big crater when I crash.

Not the beginnings I expected either……..dreaming aside.

It is no surprise to me how my secular life has followed my spiritual one. As one continued to fail, so did the other. I have come a long way from where I was six and a half years ago, when on Valentine’s day, God truly opened my heart and all the nastiness that a dying heart can gush out. He started me on a journey that day, a journey that has not ever worked out the way I imagined it would from the moment I surrendered; one that still twists through the valleys and the swamps of this wilderness with amazing dexterity and suddenness. Some would say I appear to be no further along that I was on the blustery February day, but I know that’s not true. Some would say that I’m worse off now that I ever was way back then. Maybe, but then one could say that Christ felt the same way when He hung on the cross and cried out to a Father that turned away from Him. Maybe I am worse off, but then that simply makes me that much closer to the prize.

As I have learned to subsist on a meager shadow of what I once earned, I have mirrored a meager fare in the spiritual life as well….slowly wearing off the edge of desire to be in ministry service in God’s church. As I have let go of those things I wanted above all else when I was employed, I began to give up those things I wanted above all else in the spiritual as well.

I should not be here in this place…….in all honesty.

As my beliefs have strained to the breaking point, both in my professional and spiritual abilities, I have let them go…..snapping them against the cruel taskmaster of faith and reality…..and they haven’t come rebounding back. I stand here on sheer ice, in both worlds, waiting for the breaking tearing that will signify my doom where my faith dies and my professional ability prove inadequate to the task.

I am at a point where I cannot encourage, sustain or support myself anymore, both in the spiritual and the secular world.

I am at a point where God has the clear opportunity to use this ‘different’ job to show me a ‘different’ work to do for Him…..

The job has changed, the life has changed and even my faith has changed……

But He stayed the same.