"It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes." —Psalm 119:71(NIV)
It seems sometimes, when I look over the vastness of life, that I will never know the rest of the faithful or the peace of the forgiven because of the oscillation that I go through in my struggles. Sometimes I think God rolls His eyes in frustration at me when I argue the point so passionately with Him and still don't see the purpose behind the storm, the trial, the afflictions, and the pain. He merely points to the cross, that symbol of man's greatest shame and greatest salvation, and I fall to my knees again in abject apology for my arrogance and presumption.
"I am tired of God breaking me upon the mantle of this world," I muttered to someone the other day, "To have to constantly deal with heartache, another sorrow, and another pain…..I'm tired. I'm weak and I am useless." Usually, after slamming my poor body against the wall in front of me, I find myself heaving with exhaustion and aches looking at the door encased in the wall that is unlocked and slightly ajar. "Here," God says, "Is what I wanted you to see."
Sometimes the wall remains.
I expressed my frustration to someone regarding their silence and alienation to a friendship that was once held so dear. I told them that I would rather know what caused it, this falling off, than to develop a hatred for the love that I have for them. They spoke, confirming some things and pointing out wrong assumptions on others. And, though the relationship isn't healed by far, I can walk away with my love for them secure and maybe even matured.
All of these things, from the alienation of my old Home Church to the struggles at work, home, and relationally, are for God's glory-----not mine. All of this pain, not my choice, but His. And I find myself at the breaking point over and over again……stretched out over the altar of God, fearing the dropping of the sacrificial knife, and finding myself redeemed, restored, and renewed.
I don't know if I'll ever pastor in a church, but I know I will impact lives wherever God allows me to serve.
I don't know if I'll ever have peace according to the standards of the world, but I know I will have hope.
I don't know if I'll ever have joy according to my desires, but I know I will serve gladly in whatever capacity I am called in the body.
I may never get what I think I want, but I know I will never have what I don't need. I will never know riches, unless it is to richly bless others. I will not gain stature and fame, unless it is for God's glory. And I will stand before the White Throne of Judgment without fear, because I know I will have done my best to know and follow God's decrees.
In the struggles, without me even realizing consciously that it was occurring, I find myself closer and closer to God in understanding that His ways aren't mine and that's a good thing………..
Cause mine only cause me trouble…….
In the dark of night, with danger all around and fear riding upon my shoulders, I shall not be moved.
Because God is there.
Tuesday, February 19
Monday, February 18
The drums are beating the call to arms....
2 Timothy 2:3 (Amplified Bible) Take [with me] your share of the hardships and suffering [which you are called to endure] as a good (first-class) soldier of Christ Jesus.
Saturday night, I wanted to write some about the situation and trials that I am facing in this place and time. I had just finished with the M3 meeting (see www.mmmministries.org for information on the group). Scott Engelman had spoken further on the topic of releasing and restoring, which are the two main parts of forgiveness. I focused on the perseverance part of the notes and 'googled' the e-sword program (not that google has anything to do with E-Sword, it's just slang for research to me) for the word perseverance in the Bible. It came up with a 2 Timothy verse and I proceeded to start writing………
And it wouldn't work out.
I had intended to write about the struggle, personally, that I was dealing with right then….and I was typing out another 'complaint' about how we, as a church and community, are failing our children in the wake of another college shooting. How the message has become so distorted that we are giving our children the loaded weapons (figuratively) to destroy themselves. And we wonder why. But I have written about that topic for so long and so loudly that surely someone must be listening…..but it doesn't seem so. Why would they listen to a person like me? I kept erasing and restarting, erasing and restarting. But that was all that came out of that verse and it wasn't smoothly flowing.
So I quit.
And then today, I arrive and work frustrated and depressed. No car, and no money to get a new one (at least to me). I have been forced to beg, borrow, and whimper for a ride. And that will not last too long. But a dear brother in Christ, who works with me, gave me encouragement to endure. To persevere. So I felt the calling to go back to that verse in 2 Timothy and write.
Or so I thought.
I couldn't find the verse in the 'google' program of the website I used; it just isn't as easy as E-Sword's and I once again got frustrated. I put in endurance, what my friend had encouraged me to have, and found what God wanted me to hear today.
A battle is coming. One that will make the historical battles of old and current conflicts between men seem like child's play. And it is a time of training, for the warriors within the Body, to face this battle with honor and endurance. As Matthew Henry says, "We need to grow stronger in that which is good; our faith stronger, our resolution stronger, our love to God and Christ stronger."
To be the warriors that God has called us to be, we must face the regimen of training He is presenting us in this day and time. We must strive for perfection in the correct manner, in a way pleasing to Christ, and must strengthen our faith to be faithful in the battle to our Captain. There will be an unleashing of weapons common and uncommon in the final engagement and we must endure to insure ourselves immune to the betrayer's call.
We must remember who we are fighting for and with…..
2 Timothy 2:10 "Therefore I [am ready to] persevere and stand my ground with patience and endure everything for the sake of the elect [God's chosen], so that they too may obtain [the] salvation which is in Christ Jesus, with [the reward of] eternal glory."
Until the Lord declares, the battle will not be finished. We should strive to make the enemy's forces as unpopulated as we can in pursuit of the Great Commission.
Let's draw our Father's line in the sand and tell the enemy,
YOU SHALL HAVE NOT ONE MORE!!!!
Saturday night, I wanted to write some about the situation and trials that I am facing in this place and time. I had just finished with the M3 meeting (see www.mmmministries.org for information on the group). Scott Engelman had spoken further on the topic of releasing and restoring, which are the two main parts of forgiveness. I focused on the perseverance part of the notes and 'googled' the e-sword program (not that google has anything to do with E-Sword, it's just slang for research to me) for the word perseverance in the Bible. It came up with a 2 Timothy verse and I proceeded to start writing………
And it wouldn't work out.
I had intended to write about the struggle, personally, that I was dealing with right then….and I was typing out another 'complaint' about how we, as a church and community, are failing our children in the wake of another college shooting. How the message has become so distorted that we are giving our children the loaded weapons (figuratively) to destroy themselves. And we wonder why. But I have written about that topic for so long and so loudly that surely someone must be listening…..but it doesn't seem so. Why would they listen to a person like me? I kept erasing and restarting, erasing and restarting. But that was all that came out of that verse and it wasn't smoothly flowing.
So I quit.
And then today, I arrive and work frustrated and depressed. No car, and no money to get a new one (at least to me). I have been forced to beg, borrow, and whimper for a ride. And that will not last too long. But a dear brother in Christ, who works with me, gave me encouragement to endure. To persevere. So I felt the calling to go back to that verse in 2 Timothy and write.
Or so I thought.
I couldn't find the verse in the 'google' program of the website I used; it just isn't as easy as E-Sword's and I once again got frustrated. I put in endurance, what my friend had encouraged me to have, and found what God wanted me to hear today.
A battle is coming. One that will make the historical battles of old and current conflicts between men seem like child's play. And it is a time of training, for the warriors within the Body, to face this battle with honor and endurance. As Matthew Henry says, "We need to grow stronger in that which is good; our faith stronger, our resolution stronger, our love to God and Christ stronger."
To be the warriors that God has called us to be, we must face the regimen of training He is presenting us in this day and time. We must strive for perfection in the correct manner, in a way pleasing to Christ, and must strengthen our faith to be faithful in the battle to our Captain. There will be an unleashing of weapons common and uncommon in the final engagement and we must endure to insure ourselves immune to the betrayer's call.
We must remember who we are fighting for and with…..
2 Timothy 2:10 "Therefore I [am ready to] persevere and stand my ground with patience and endure everything for the sake of the elect [God's chosen], so that they too may obtain [the] salvation which is in Christ Jesus, with [the reward of] eternal glory."
Until the Lord declares, the battle will not be finished. We should strive to make the enemy's forces as unpopulated as we can in pursuit of the Great Commission.
Let's draw our Father's line in the sand and tell the enemy,
YOU SHALL HAVE NOT ONE MORE!!!!
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